Trickle-Down Humanity: My Op-Ed In The LA Times Today
"Trickle-Down Humanity" is the title of the last chapter of "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," and it's reflected in my book-related op-ed the LA Times published today. (Please read the whole thing at the link!)
It's kind of a miniature of my book (though the book has tons of specific advice on numerous topics, including how to balance politeness and self-incrimination in a traffic stop, and how to get noisy neighbors to stop being noisy).
An excerpt from the beginning of the op-ed, which the LA Times titled "In battle against rude people, kindness is a powerful weapon":
In Los Angeles, you can call 311 to get a stack of old mattresses removed from your alley; I don't see why there isn't some number to summon aliens with a giant ray gun to pop down and vaporize the guy marching back and forth in front of my house, yelling into his cellphone.And sure, as he helpfully pointed out, "It's a public street!" -- but there's a reasonable presumption that the sounds you hear inside your house will be house sounds: the tea kettle whistling, bacon frying and your dog biting his toenails. Basically, another person's right to have a cellphone yell session outside your home ends where your living room begins.
...Admittedly, some rudeness is a result of good people just not being mindful. If their behavior is pointed out to them, they will generally express embarrassment and apologize . However, for the egregiously, remorselessly rude, we need to bring back the power of shaming in the public square. Standing in for the pillory we have what I call webslapping: posting awful behavior on social media. (There's a new sheriff in town, and it's the YouTube video that goes viral.) Even if the particular rude person never sees his or her ignominious star turn, the fear of being similarly exposed should deter others from acting out.
A small kindness that's no big deal when you do it for someone you know is an incredibly powerful act when done for a stranger.
Not everyone will be comfortable standing up to the rude, but we can all start making a daily effort to treat strangers like neighbors: smiling, saying hello, and doing the small kindnesses that we would for people we know. For example, a friend came upon an older lady fanning herself on a bench on a hot Boulder, Colo., street. The woman asked my friend where she could get a Diet Coke. My friend went up the block, bought a Diet Coke, came back and handed it to the woman. "Oh, my God!" the woman shouted. "You're kidding me! God bless you! I can't believe you did that!"
It's pretty amazing. A small kindness that's no big deal when you do it for someone you know is an incredibly powerful act when done for a stranger. It's also likely to have cascading societal returns. Research by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky found that recipients of kind acts were almost three times more likely to do kind acts for others. So simply by regularly reaching out to our co-humans, we can transform our society, little by little, from a vast strangeropolis to a really, really big neighborhood. The way I see it, a minimum of one kind act a day should be our self-imposed cover charge for living in this world. We get the society we create -- or the society we let happen to us.
Amy Alkon's latest book is "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," which was published in June.
Jammerall.com has small, inexpensive cell phone jammers.
jefe at September 25, 2014 12:41 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/09/25/trickle-down_hu.html#comment-5133841">comment from jefeCellphone jammers stop emergency service signals and they, themselves, are a form of theft. You have no right to stop a person who is not being rude from getting or receiving information on their phone. I write about this in "Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck". It's only $9.48 for a new copy - which is the only kind of copy that will help me earn back my advance. Come on, spring for one! Then I won't have to repost the book as a thousand little corrective blog comments!
Amy Alkon at September 25, 2014 12:49 PM
Loved Times article, asked Times eds to print more. Bought both books on iBooks. Started one, great. I thought I was all alone in these thoughts! Thank you, terrific stuff. And actually really important, all hyperbole aside. Best to you and yours.
Jeffrey C Briggs at September 25, 2014 5:45 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/09/25/trickle-down_hu.html#comment-5135293">comment from Jeffrey C BriggsJeffrey, thank you -- I am so grateful! Every book somebody buys helps me sell the next (which I am working on now and hope my wonderful editor will buy so I can work with him again). Also, I tried to make a difference with this book -- in individuals' lives and in general (in terms of dialing back the rudeness). I hope you're inspired -- and laugh.
Amy Alkon at September 25, 2014 6:16 PM
A really strange thing happened to me yesterday afternoon.
I was going into a McDonalds to get a cup of coffee (they have pretty good coffee). There was a disheveled teenage boy with a skateboard sitting about 10 feet from the door (not unusually disheveled; just typical teenage boy disheveled). As I approached he casually got up and moved closer to the door. I thought he was going to ask for money so I took out the $10 bill I keep in my pocket for panhandlers (my practice is to give $10 to any panhandler who asks for something, no judgment and no questions asked). When I reached the door he opened it for me and nodded his head slightly. He and didn't ask for or say anything. I said, "Thank you", and he said, "My pleasure, sir." I went inside and he shut the door and went and sat down where he was sitting before.
What's with that? My only thought was, Jeez, I must look a hell of a lot older than I feel!
Ken R at September 26, 2014 5:44 PM
Ken, I realized I was really going gray when young ladies started opening the door for me. And that includes young ladies at work, who know I'm still pretty fit because they have often seen me climbing inside a piece of equipment to repair it. It's just an act of kindness.
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