Yes, There Exists A Lawyer's Smackdown Letter With This: "Jesus Hello Kitty Christ On A Rocket-Powered Toboggan..."
Marc J. Randazza is the lawyer who saved my butt when TSA worker Thedala Magee and her Gloria Allred wanna-be lawyer tried to squeeze $500K, a blog takedown, and a written apology out of me for daring to exercise my free speech rights to complain about my Fourth Amendment rights being violated.
Randazza told me that, as a lawyer ethics thing, he needed to inform me that I could probably settle -- pay a little money, apologize, take down the blog item, but said, "I sense you'd rather chew glass." ("You sensed right," I told him.)
One of the things I love about Randazza is how colorful he is and how he doesn't feel he needs to stick to the dull province of lawyerly writing. This response to Julien Blanc's threat to 8chan is yet another (hilarious) and kickass example of that. (Co-counsel, named below, is Michael Cernovich.)
An excerpt:
Lets go back to page one. Your client is the guy who seems to advocate sexual assault against random women, on the basis that he's Caucasian, and they're not. Neither Mike, nor I, are in any danger of winning the "Male Feminist of the Year Award." But Jesus Hello Kitty Christ on a Rocket-Powered Toboggan, are you FREAKIN' SERIOUS?If you have the audacity to file a defamation claim on behalf of a guy who advocates sexual assault, and relies on racist bunk to justify it, then come at us, bro. Our client might just waive his CDA immunity and let the case stand on the merits of the defamation claim. I can not express how much joy I would find in watching you try and articulate how your client's reputation has been harmed by anything other than his own asinine, racist, sexist, rapey-creep-scumbag statements.
...Your client made some really objectionable statements. There is a price for that - it is called "criticism." Your client acted like an ass, and people pointed at him and said "look at that asshole!" Rather than answer the criticism, your client sought to cower behind a wall of censorship. This really isn't advisable for someone like your client, who will likely need to raise the shield of the First Amendment at some time in the near future.
Julien Blanc may bully Japanese girls, but he will not bully our client. And, with any luck, he'll try and bully the wrong Japanese girl. We hope that when he does, the event gets captured on video.
via @TimCushing
We could use a lot more attorneys like Marc Randazza.
Doubly-so when they write lively, entertaining "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" letters like this one.
I think he and Ken "Popehat" White need to be featured teammates on some sort of legal reality show tentatively to be called "Snort My Taint".
Fatwa Arbuckle at November 16, 2014 8:57 AM
Man, if I ever need a lawyer, I'm hiring this guy. That's epic.
Daghain at November 16, 2014 9:01 AM
What Daghain said.
Shannon at November 16, 2014 11:32 AM
I read the whole thing and applauded at least five times.
Also, I would give literally anything to see Blanc try is "technique" on a woman who knows Judo.
sofar at November 16, 2014 4:21 PM
8chan? Is that supposed to be twice as good as 4chan?
Cousin Dave at November 17, 2014 1:11 PM
"But Jesus Hello Kitty Christ on a Rocket-Powered Toboggan, are you FREAKIN' SERIOUS?"
Love this. Is it copyrighted?
Kate O'Brien at November 18, 2014 6:16 PM
Leave a comment