The Case For Using Drugs To Enhance Our Relationships And Minimize The Pain From Breakups
Ross Anderson of The Atlantic interviews Oxford ethicist Brian Earp about the thinking behind papers he's written with colleagues Anders Sandberg, and Julian Savulescu:
At first blush, love may seem like a poor prospect for pharmacological intervention. The reflexive dualist in us wants to say that romantic relationships are matters of the soul, and that souls ought to be free of medical tinkering. Oxford ethicist Brian Earp argues that we should resist these intuitions, and be open to the upswing in human well-being that successful love drugs could bring about. Over a series of several papers, Earp and his colleagues, Anders Sandberg and Julian Savulescu, make a convincing case that couples should be free to use "love drugs," and that in some cases, they may be morally obligated to do so. I recently caught up with Earp and his colleagues by email to ask them about this fascinating ethical frontier. What follows is a condensed version of our exchange.
An excerpt:
What's the threshold for the use of anti-love drugs? Should people use them in cases where they aren't in any particular danger, like in the case of a tough break-up? Some might argue that you can't learn from a break-up without experiencing it in full. Do you buy that?In a forthcoming paper, we argue for four conditions for the use of anti-love biotechnology: (1) the love in question is clearly harmful and needs to dissolve one way or another; (2) the person would conceivably want to use the technology, so there would be no problematic violations of consent; (3) the technology would help the person follow her higher-order goals instead of her lower-order feelings; and (4) it might not be psychologically possible to overcome the relevant feelings without the help of anti-love biotechnology. But the question here seems to be, what if it were possible to overcome the attachment, only it would involve a lot of protracted pain and difficulty, and the person would rather just move on with the business of living?
Philosophers will disagree about what should be allowed in a case like this. So-called "bioconservatives" would probably remind us that even great and seemingly unbearable suffering can impart unforeseeably important lessons, and that people should be very careful about turning to drugs to solve their problems or dull their pains. They tend to say things like: "With suffering comes understanding" - and of course, there is a kernel of truth to that. Bioliberals, on the other hand, would be likelier to point out that "traditional" methods of getting over heartache aim at changing our brain chemistry just as much as drugs would, only indirectly and sometimes less effectively. "Sometimes suffering is just suffering," they would add, and then they might go on to suggest that such fruitless pain should be eliminated by whatever means the individual judges for himself are best.
For our part, we certainly don't deny that there can be great value in experiencing the world "as it really is" - in its heartbreak and agony as much as in its joys. But we think that even if it could be shown that human beings had some sort of existential duty to experience pain along with happiness, this duty would not absolute: it could be trumped by the debilitating effects of certain traumas, and sometimes a broken heart might qualify in just this sense.
Related, from my column:
Brain imaging research by UCLA's Naomi Eisenberger and Matthew Lieberman finds that the same regions of the brain that are activated by physical pain are activated by social pain, and Eisenberger reports that "individuals who are more sensitive to one kind of pain are also more sensitive to the other." Further pointing to a connection, what's good for a sprained ankle seems good for a sprained ego. In research Eisenberger collaborated on, 500 milligrams of acetaminophen (think Tylenol) taken twice daily was actually found to diminish emotional pain.
"The Giver" has a lot to say about this particular philosophy.
Sparing people unnecessary pain is fine, and I certainly don't want to see someone in either emotional or physical agony, but pain does serve a purpose.
It teaches you not to repeat pain causing behavior.
You know what we call people to feel no emotional pain, no loss, no regret? Sociopaths
Isab at January 23, 2015 8:09 AM
As Mark Twain said it: A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
It is a lesson that grows neither dim, nor doubtful.
I R A Darth Aggie at January 23, 2015 9:21 AM
. . . you could self-medicate with Chocolate. . .
Keith Glass at January 23, 2015 9:32 AM
I would have less trouble with this, if we actually had a handle on the way the brain is dealing with what's in it now...
Just like psych drugs are not fully understood now [only a small % seem to actually work for depression for example]
But in particular, modern society does 2 things that I believe may be mucking about with our relationships.
I think it's probably a net good that we have birth control regimens that work for people, even though that IS a change from the previous status quo. We may be experiencing some fall-out from that revolution.
1. Using barrier methods, like condoms. These are a pretty good way to go for preventing preggers... but they also mean that we do a lot less CHEMICAL bonding in couples. They've studied what is in the fluids, and said, 'this does this, that does that' but I'm not aware that they have tried studying what that actually means in the relationship.
In retrospect, my relationship with my ex was by far better when we were trying to get pregnant, than when we were trying not to... but that's anecdote.
2. Birth control pills. This hormonally tricks a woman's body into believing it's already pregnant. That chemical cocktail surely changes the outlook, maybe good, and maybe not so much.
OTOH, at least the guy can add his chemistry to that, and that should help...
Taken together, these things have CHANGED the way we look at each other dunno if it's good or bad, but changed. WIth chemicals... or the lack of them.
So now we say, "oh well we can take certain of those chemicals and give them in a pill form."
wwwwOK. So we know precisely which things do what at what dosages?
Wouldn't it be easier to figure out how to do this naturally? Dunno, maybe there is no incentive. To study or to do.
Certainly IUD's are a way, although many seem to be afraid of them. VaselGel will be another, assuming it comes to market...
But if'n you did some kind of study that was broad based, maybe it would get into the public consciousness.
It may take a while until people see a value in long term relationships again, I don't think we are at the bottom of that well, yet. But at least it would help.
As for the breakup/MOA drugs? :shrug: They might be handy... or maybe not. No substitute for having friends to help you get over.
But. Doesn't moving on with the NEXT relationship, help the most?
SwissArmyD at January 23, 2015 10:55 AM
You do not want to mess with any aspect of your brain chemistry unless you have to, getting rejected romantically or socially is not a good reason. Even drugs used to treat similar afflictions like withdrawal from drugs aren't very good. Some are themselves addictive.
"the technology would help the person follow her higher-order goals instead of her lower-order feelings;"
Lower -order feelings are important for socializing appropriately. Like Isab said you get sociopaths, and a bunch of other personality disorders like shizotypal. To a lesser degree narcisism. I could see this being beneficial for a woman with borderline since they experience rejection to the extreme. Though I worry it might just put in a whole nother category of psychopathy like impulsive angry paranoia.
"and (4) it might not be psychologically possible to overcome the relevant feelings without the help of anti-love biotechnology"
It's called stoicism, realism, cbt, rbt, dbt, mindfullness.
Ppen at January 23, 2015 11:05 AM
Swiss,
BC pills have already been proven to make women choose and attract a different type of partner.
Also men seem less attracted to women on BC pills, even when they don't know she is on them.
Ppen at January 23, 2015 11:10 AM
It is a smell thing Ppen. Though one that is hard to consciously notice. Kinda like the spicy smell women make when they are ovulating or the horny smell they make in the first few weeks after conception. The BC pill smell is hard to describe. Kinda like vanilla, since it is everywhere and in everything. You notice it more when it is gone than when it is there.
I expect guys do the same thing but I'm not partial to smelling men.
Ben at January 23, 2015 11:49 AM
I recommend two Ted Talks on Youtube;
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability
Brené Brown: Listening to shame
Warhawke223 at January 23, 2015 11:55 AM
Hmm. I'm not sure. Like the others here, I have my doubts about using drugs to "overcome" everyday things. Then again, we do that all the time anyway: we drink, we consume caffeine, we eat things that contain small amounts of mood-alterting drugs like chocolate or ice cream. Some people go further and self-medicate with things like pot or coke. As a short-term solution to an acute issue, these things don't usually cause too many problem. It's when they get used to self-treat chronic problems that they become an issue.
The thing is, whether we like it or not, things like fall-in-love drugs and break-up drugs will get invented, and people will get access to them. That social experiment is going to get performed. What will be the consequences? I too am concerned that we've already raised a generation who take everything for granted and expect to be handed all the wants of their lives on a silver platter, and easy availability of mood drugs will probably make that problem worse. It occurs to me that this will be the third revolution in mass-produced psychotropic drugs -- the first was the discovery of the opiates and hydrocodone-related drugs in the late 19th century, and the second was the creation of LSD and the first anti-psychotics in the 1950s. Maybe this would be a good time to look back and compare notes.
Cousin Dave at January 23, 2015 12:26 PM
@CousinDave
The Ancient Egyptians knew about opium, how to extract it, and how to use it. So did the Romans, and the Greeks.
Isab at January 23, 2015 12:37 PM
Just think: put a bit of this in the water supply, and you won't have to worry about unorthodox thoughts of ownlife interfering with Party needs.
Radwaste at January 23, 2015 12:54 PM
It's odd that this came up today, because I've been thinking about grief lately, and how disappointment and regret play a part in that.
I had to have my sweet little old pug lady put to sleep almost three weeks ago. It was probably the saddest day of my life. Now I wake up in the middle of the night and feel awful because her snoring little fuzzy body isn't there. I hate coming home when she's not here to greet me and can't bring myself to put her little bed away. The point is, the sadness and grief are definitely there and it's no fun.
But it's a grief that is free of disappointment and regret. I've always known I would outlive her, because people live longer than dogs, so unless you get hit by a bus you should probably expect to outlive your dog. (In fact, you should keep that in mind and treasure every minute with them, because they won't last forever.) That's the price. But there's no disappointment in the sense of, 'Gee, I'm so disappointed because here I thought she'd live to be 50.' (She made it to approximately 13.)
I have no regrets either, because I know I gave her a great life, I did everything I could to save her, and I made the right decision when it was time to have her put to sleep. Her absence is sad, but the memories of her are not. When I think about her - anything other than that last awful night at the hospital, anyway - they are happy memories that make me smile. I swore a sacred oath to the Great Pug Buddha that I would take care of her and do right by her, and for nine years it was the easiest oath I've ever kept. That last night, it was the hardest oath I've ever kept, but I still call it a good trade.
With break-ups I've had, there has sometimes been a feeling of regret or shame. I regret that I didn't see the signs that he was still hooked on his ex-girlfriend, or I'm ashamed of myself for putting up with shit for so long.
The first kind of sadness, the regret-free kind, make me realize that some pain is worth enduring, and I am certain that another sweet little old pug lady will share my life soon. The second kind, the regret-filled and embarrassing kind, is diminishing to one's self and ought to be avoided. It made me absolutely determined not to repeat the same mistakes. They're two different kinds of grief, and I have absolutely learned a lot from both kinds.
Unless you are really dwelling on your mistakes or wallowing in your grief, which is a separate issue altogether, I think the pain itself is a teacher.
Just my .02.
Pirate Jo at January 23, 2015 2:13 PM
No not Puggie :(
I'm sorry PJ. I loved your pug stories. Female pugs are so different than the males. I remember you said she was a rescue and was used for breeding purposes in a puppy mill correct? Her chin was stinky when you took her home.
I hope you meet another pug.
I miss my first pug everyday. I was taking a shower and remembered how he loved taking them with me and falling asleep briefly because he would get so relaxed.
Ppen at January 23, 2015 3:24 PM
Awww, thanks Ppen. It has been hard. Worth it, like I said, but hard.
Holly was indeed a breeder in a puppy mill, at least for the first four years of her life. She was rescued by Flawdogs Adoption in Morse Mill, Missouri, and I brought her home two days later. Her whole body smelled awful! And the back of her neck had at least a dozen hot spots. It was so bad I had to open the windows a little bit on the drive home (in February), but it was worth it, the way she rested her little chin on my hand. (She later became a master of the pug chin rest, which always melted me like butter. Clever girl.)
That first night she smelled so awful, but it was 11:00 pm before I finally got her home and it was too late to give her a bath and get her dry, so I stripped the bedspread off the bed and we laid there together on the sheets with a smaller blanket that would fit in the washing machine. The next day I washed all those sheets, and the blanket, and gave her a bath. I took her to the vet the following Monday and we got all those hot spots cleared up.
I still remember when I first met her like it was yesterday, the big grin she gave me.
There will be another. And I will tell her stories about her great-grandma Holly.
One thing that really sticks in my craw, though. While she was in the hospital she had to be in an oxygen tent, due to her lungs filling with fluid because she had pneumonia. It upset me greatly that on that last night when I said my last good-byes, the oxygen tent smelled bad and her little face was dirty. For a thousand fucking dollars a day, couldn't they have kept her face clean, and the cage smelling nice? I know those folks were giving her 24/7 care and did all they could, but I didn't want her to be reminded of those first few years of her life. Dogs have such a keen sense of smell, and they don't want to be in a stinky place.
Thanks for your pug story - it is just like a pug to fall asleep in the shower!
Pirate Jo at January 23, 2015 3:47 PM
Here's one for you Ppen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwdo0mmmb8I
Pirate Jo at January 23, 2015 4:03 PM
I'm so sorry, Pirate Jo.
crella at January 23, 2015 5:40 PM
Thanks for sharing your story and the link PJ.
Ppen at January 23, 2015 8:56 PM
PJ-
Sorry to hear about your loss. I loved your stories too! I hope you find a new pug lady when you are ready to move on.
Sheep Mom at January 24, 2015 7:58 AM
So, I guess this is now about The Case For Using Pugs To Enhance Our Relationships And Minimize The Pain From Breakups.
Radwaste at January 26, 2015 4:44 PM
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