Daniel Pink: Why You Should Always Skip Your Children's Baseball Games
A video with Pink on why parents should get out of the way. Hear him out on why it's better for kids that you're not there.
Something to consider, even if you can't give up the baseball game-going habit: To foster independence, kids should have kid life and not have mommy and daddy there at every turn. The notion that this is normal turns parenting into helicopter parenting and parents into frazzled people who don't have lives...I was going to say "until their kid goes away to college," but this sort of parent is the one who goes with their kid to the job interview.
via @AdamMGrant
Very well said!
It would be nice if every coach, every ref, could play this video for parents at the beginning of every sport season to remind parents the sport should be about the kid.
charles at July 2, 2015 4:17 AM
I wholly endorse this idea for virtually all child-related events unless cocktails are being served.
elemetary at July 2, 2015 8:35 AM
My parents accidentally used this approach when I first played Little League.
As a result of what happened (as I bring up on a video post), when my brother played Little League, my parents and I had to attend EVERY SINGLE PRACTICE in addition to the games! I'm still angry about that.
Fayd at July 2, 2015 8:39 AM
I think the bigger issue is pushing them into leagues in the first place. From my own childhood, although there were leagues (I played in one for two seasons, not very well), most of the time it was sandlot or backyard ball, pretty much unsupervised. We were left to ourselves to negotiate the rules and figure out how to resolve disputes. If there weren't enough players to make two full teams, or if Gary's dad had the boat trailer parked in the back yard, we figured out how to modify things so that it worked. We learned some independence and how to get along for ourselves and each other in a way that we would not have learned in a league, with the adults making the rules and adjudicating disputes.
And it had this advantage: Leagues played once a week. Sandlot and backyard ball played every day that the weather was suitable. While the league players were waiting for their leagues to get organized in the spring, we were playing ball. While the league players were waiting for their one game day a week to come around, we were playing ball. While the league players' parents were trying to dig up the money to pay the fees, buy uniforms, and arrange transportation for away games, we were playing ball. When the leagues showed up for their games and found the field padlocked, then while they were off in search of who had the key, we were playing ball.
Cousin Dave at July 2, 2015 8:56 AM
Seven years ago or more, Dr. John Rosemond said:
"Adults need to let kids have their games back. A grown man shouldn't dress in a coach's uniform unless he's being paid to do so."
More on that, from 1990:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1990/07/11/if-you-ask-me/3ca0ddac-2519-461e-b266-40584957be11/
I like his suggestion about how the adults in a neighborhood should buy a field where kids can play their own ball games with no parental interference whatsoever while, for safety's sake, two adult supervisors would be there, but they "cannot make any decisions concerning the game. They can simply consult. Unless called upon, they sit a respectable distance from the field and talk about events in Eastern Europe." Unfortunately, it sounds very unlikely to happen - too many parents wouldn't consider it important enough to do what he suggests.
Quote:
"...Last January`s issue of Fortune carried an article advising corporate parents on ways they can maximize quality time with their children. One example given was that of a northeastern executive who goes to work at dawn so he can come home early enough to coach his son`s soccer team.
"I wasn`t impressed. Now, if this same fellow went to work at dawn so he could spend more time with his wife, THEN I`d have been impressed."
lenona at July 2, 2015 9:09 AM
@Cousin Dave: In the early 60's, when people still listened to ball games on the radio, I went to 4th grade at a school that had a continuous baseball game going. They didn't divide into teams, but played what they called "work up", IIRC. You started in right field and rotated through all 9 positions, then queued up on a bench to bat. When you were out, you started over again in right field. There were agreed-upon rules to adjust for boys that arrived or had to leave.
This would start with as few as six boys off the first bus; when more boys arrived, they'd fill in the shortstop and outfield positions, and play until the bell rang. At recess, they'd run back to their positions and play a few more rounds. Those that finished lunch early got some more time, then afternoon recess. After school, it continued with the boys that walked home and could take a few minutes before they got started.
I'd never have played on a Little League team. I was _terrible_ at throwing, catching, and batting. I usually avoided the running work-up game, but if they needed another body I'd play for a while.
Yes, keep adults out of kids' games. With the only adult involvement being to mark out a field with no windows within range, this was the best baseball game a kid could play.
markm at July 2, 2015 10:38 AM
There are no kids out there. Front yards are empty - a wasteland. The parks are empty except for parents with young kids and strollers. No kids on bikes or skates or skateboards out on the sidewalks.
Markm, I love your description of that baseball game.
We have two nice parks, one wide open and sunny, one cool and shaded by oaks, plenty of space for a pickup game. Completely empty and quiet.
flbeachmom at July 2, 2015 1:15 PM
If you let your kids out there you run the risk of them getting kidnapped by the police. I still intend to let my kids have outside freedom, but perversely it needs to be a minimally patrolled area.
Ben at July 2, 2015 1:59 PM
I wholly endorse this idea for virtually all child-related events unless cocktails are being served.
I wholly endorse more events with greater cocktails and fewer children.
Kevin at July 2, 2015 2:33 PM
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