Generation Fraidycat: The Most Mommied Generation In Human History
Clay Routledge writes in The New York Times that young Americans are starting to think...this is just so unbelievable...that democracy, freedom, and freedom of speech, are bad ideas.
That's typically not exactly how they put it. But as Clay writes:
According to the World Values Survey, only about 30 percent of Americans born after 1980 believe it is absolutely essential to live in a democratic country, compared with 72 percent of Americans born before World War II. In 1995, 16 percent of Americans in their late teens and early adulthood thought democracy was a bad idea; in 2011, the number increased to 24 percent....Fear, in all its forms, is at the heart of these issues -- fear of failure, ridicule, discomfort, ostracism, uncertainty. Of course, these fears haunt all of us, regardless of demographics. But that is precisely the point: Our culture isn't preparing young people to grapple with what are ultimately unavoidable threats. Indeed, despite growing up in a physically safer and kinder society than past generations did, young Americans today report higher levels of anxiety.
Fear pushes people to adopt a defensive posture. When people feel anxious, they're less open to diverse ideas and opinions, and less forgiving and tolerant of those they disagree with. When people are afraid, they cling to the certainty of the world they know and avoid taking physical, emotional and intellectual risks. In short, fear causes people to privilege psychological security over liberty.
What can be done? It isn't enough to criticize young people for being overly sensitive and insufficiently independent. They didn't engineer our security-focused culture. We must liberate them, let them be free to navigate the social world, make mistakes, fail, experience emotional pain and learn to self-regulate fear and distress. If we want future generations to have faith in freedom, we need to restore our faith in them.
But how...realistically...do you bring independence of thought -- and the independence that comes from having to tough it out and fix things by yourself for yourself -- to what is pretty much the most mommied generation in human history?
Mommied is right.
They grew up being driven everywhere, always having parental supervision, always having parents or a teacher step in, and always being told zero tolerance is always the right way to go.
This is a generation taught that pop tart guns are dangerous.
jerry at October 14, 2017 10:39 PM
But how...realistically...do you bring independence of thought -- and the independence that comes from having to tough it out and fix things by yourself for yourself -- to what is pretty much the most mommied generation in human history?
You start by putting the blame where it belongs: on American parents. You clear out all the goo-goo talk about it being "the hardest job in the world" (it's not) and acknowledge the fact that many, if not most, are doing a mediocre to bad job on the basics of self-sufficiency, of independence, of responsibility.
I don't have a lot of hope. This is a nation that finds it amusing to stage (and watch) a television show where adults are asked "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" and where the most basic precepts — like keeping your child alive by not leaving it to roast in the back of a car — are excused by society and the legal system. I don't see any difference between teenagers who deal drugs on the streets or teenagers who show up at college unable to do laundry or any of life's most mundane tasks. Somebody wasn't doing his/her job, and that somebody was the person whose very job it was to do those things.
There are now "adulting" (!) classes for the ones who have figured out their parents didn't teach them the most basic information. I salute them for realizing that they weren't provided the most elementary life skills that were de rigueur in the past, but it sure makes "the hardest job in the world" cant sound even more hollow and patronizing than it is.
Kevin at October 14, 2017 10:55 PM
Spot on Kevin. Play dates, parent organized team sports, "my child is perfect , yours is wrong," "it's not their fault, they got in with the wrong crowd," and a host of other independence stifling parenting memes are causing generations of helpless so called adults.
Jay at October 15, 2017 4:15 AM
"Indeed, despite growing up in a physically safer and kinder society than past generations did, young Americans today report higher levels of anxiety."
Because of, not despite.
iowaan at October 15, 2017 5:06 AM
Let's face it: the best possible government would be a benevolent dictatorship, run by a competent dictator who never allows corrupt to take hold.
Ok, sparkly unicorns would also be nice.
That's what socialism, communism, and other pipe-dreams are really about: Dreaming of ways to have a perfect government, without accounting for imperfect human nature.
Since human nature is imperfect, it is critically important to ensure that the population of citizens ultimately has the power to correct a government, if-and-when that government goes off course. That means three things:
- A government where citizens are involved in the process, via voting. More is better: there are places where citizens vote on spending measures, for example.
- Small government. If your county commissioner turns out to be utterly corrupt, you know where they live, and a group of citizens could pay a visit. At the national level, this is no longer possible. There is way too much power at the national level - this needs pushed down to the local level.
- If worst comes to worst, a revolution needs to be possible, which means that the citizenry needs to be armed. This is the entire motivation behind the second amendment.
a_random_guy at October 15, 2017 6:00 AM
@Kevin: "You start by putting the blame where it belongs: on American parents."
Tangentially, we could start by cleansing ourselves of the notion that parenting is somehow a competitive sport.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at October 15, 2017 6:23 AM
Interesting piece at Areo -- there's a summary at the top because it's long. It contends that support for "modernity" is the best shot at pushing back against the fraidy generation's notions of a need for democracy and freedom rollbacks.
https://areomagazine.com/2017/08/22/a-manifesto-against-the-enemies-of-modernity/
Amy Alkon at October 15, 2017 6:42 AM
I don't see any difference between teenagers who deal drugs on the streets or teenagers who show up at college unable to do laundry or any of life's most mundane tasks.
The dealer that can't produce correct change and account for their product is, shall we say, not a going concern. They have a lot more than just skin in the game. It behooves them to take care of their business.
Amy's linkie to Areo's summary is interesting. But they fail to consider the greatest bit of resistance to their position: one political party has been hell bent - and rather successful - to divide us up along tribal lines, usually race or ethnicity, and gender, or the LBTQWTF alphabet.
Vote against your gender, and you're not a Real Woman. Vote against your race or ethnicity, and you're an Uncle Tom or trying to act white, vote against your orientation and you're another type of traitor and should be shunned.
That same party is shocked to find after 50 or so years of this that the majority is starting to forgo their inner tribalism - Pole, German, Irish, etc - and starting to embrace whiteness as their tribe.
Same party that has essentially abandoned the rule of law. For instance, Congress has the power of the purse and is required to allocate a certain amount of money to pay health care insurers subsidies that Trump recently ended because he understood that he doesn't have the authority to spend that money in that manner.
This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.
I R A Darth Aggie at October 15, 2017 9:44 AM
Oh, I see. God must be a real failure. Look at how his children turned out. God's creation, Lucifer turned out really well too. Bad god.
If you are going to blame the "defective" parents for how their children turn out, then if you are Christian, you need to start with god, and ask why he gets such a pass us imperfect parents don't get.
Daniel at October 15, 2017 12:32 PM
One, god does not exist.
Two, if god did exist then he designed Lucifer to be bad for no other reason than to provide a foil.
Three, ever actually read the bible? God is not kind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRujuE-GIY4
lujlp at October 15, 2017 12:43 PM
As a parent, I don't know how to fix this. My husband and I tried to let our 4-1/2-year-old play across the street from our house at a playground. It's a safe, quiet street, and I could see her from my house. We thought it was a great opportunity to allow her to grow in independence in a safe environment, and she thrived. She was bold and brave, and she exercised much more logic than she does when I am hovering. Then a nanny reported us to child welfare, and now we are fighting criminal charges of neglect.
Obviously, we can't allow her that sort of public freedom. We're trying to figure out what we can do privately to foster independence and strength. The CPS agent told me it would be inappropriate to allow her to walk two houses down to ring her friend's doorbell without standing next to her, in case a car jumped the curb. I was impressed with her assessment that I could stop a speeding car with an infant strapped to my chest, but it tells me a lot about the constraints on parents.
I could rebel against these limits, but I won't, at least not publicly. I don't know many parents who are willing to be the ones who lose their kids in order to prove a point.
MonicaP at October 15, 2017 1:46 PM
From 2009:
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2009/10/21/coddle_prod.html
Excerpts:
...modern parents often have the mistaken idea that if they do everything right, their kids will never do anything wrong. This is untrue. Even dogs, who are born wanting to please others (unlike humans), cannot be so easily controlled, because even they have free will. Parents who can't grasp this therefore assume that every criticism of their child is either a lie or an attack on the PARENT. In the past, (it was) said, when kids misbehaved, most parents understood that it was merely time to lower the boom on the kid, not assume that they, the parents, must have done something wrong, and that chances are, they might eventually have to punish the kid again for something completely different...
...I suspect, unfortunately, that it's a vicious circle - many people DO assume that if the neighbor's kid did something bad, it must be something the parent did wrong.
lenona at October 15, 2017 1:48 PM
And also, as one teacher said, instead of parents telling kids "I just want you to be happy as an adult" they should say "Life is going to throw you curveballs, and I need to teach you to deal with that."
lenona at October 15, 2017 1:49 PM
...I suspect, unfortunately, that it's a vicious circle - many people DO assume that if the neighbor's kid did something bad, it must be something the parent did wrong.
Very true. I know so many families where all the kids turned out fine except for that one who couldn't get his or her shit together. Or the opposite -- where all the kids were kind of screwed up except for that one. We're a product of genetics and environment. Parents are but one element of that environment, and they become less and less dominant as kids age.
Parents shouldn't take too much blame or too much credit.
MonicaP at October 15, 2017 1:53 PM
I love how Kevin always blames everything on parents. It was parents who were afraid of a pop tart gun? I was parents who were terrified of a steak knife? Sell heroin to your fellow student, well that is just unfortunate but we can all understand that it is also unavoidable. Now of course pointing your finger at someone and shouting bang is a completely different thing and shows how utterly depraved that person is and they must be expelled for the good of all.
Gag me with a spoon Kevin. I agree that parenting isn't the hardest job in the world. Kids aren't difficult to make and can be quite fun. Kids aren't expensive but it is fun to spend money on them. Raising kids isn't complicated. It is very time consuming and that is it. But stop it with the mindless and stupid 'it's all the parents fault' Kevin. I figure you work for the NEA or the department of education at this point.
Ben at October 15, 2017 5:37 PM
If your parents gave you a healing crystal energy enema and withheld proper vaccinations, you just may be a snowflake.
With a perforated bowel.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at October 15, 2017 6:30 PM
For men, fear is the result of being sheltered. Men need to get in a few fights, sleep on the ground in the woods, learn to shoot, learn to fix stuff. The more I did these things the less afraid I became because I began to see that I was competent, that I could deal with problems.
Women also can be too sheltered. Remember that farm women had a garden, plucked chickens, helped butcher hogs, knew how to sew--they also were competent.
Modern teens/young adults have few real skills. They no longer know about engines or fixing anything. Many have never even been in the woods unless there was a paved trail. They have never ridden a horse. All their skills are photoshop and making a meme. These skills do not help you deal with the unknowns of life.
cc at October 15, 2017 7:36 PM
I love how Kevin always blames everything on parents.
Hardly. I hold them to the position of responsibility they chose when they had a child.
I figure you work for the NEA or the department of education at this point.
That is the funniest thing I've ever read on Amy's site. I'd wait tables or tend bar (which I've done) before I'd take any job related to pedagogy or children.
Kevin at October 16, 2017 8:39 AM
@MonicaP: That is just outrageous. Really, the best thing that could happen to CPS people like that is lynching.
While you should consult your attorney, I think that kind of idiocy deserves as much publicity as you can give it. Social media. Put up a go-fund-me. Talk to the local paper, television and radio stations. The best defense is a good offense - go after the jobs of the CPS people involved. Countersue them.
If someone doesn't push back, it only gets worse.
a_random_guy at October 16, 2017 11:58 AM
"Hardly. I hold them to the position of responsibility they chose when they had a child."
So I was correct. You blame everything on parents.
Ben at October 16, 2017 4:33 PM
or teenagers who show up at college unable to do laundry or any of life's most mundane tasks
__________________________________
Kevin, that reminds me of a Gen X blueblood who honestly believed that a man shouldn't have to do housework when there's a woman around.
I wish I'd been fast enough to respond: "So why should a woman have to earn a living when her next-door neighbor is a man?" Or: "Why should employers have to pay any employee who enjoys the work, more or less?"
(Of course, people who hate their jobs more are likely to perform them more poorly! When it comes to one's own unpaid housework, though, common sense says that the only thing to do is stop being a child and find a way to enjoy it. Besides, even if you DO already enjoy it, there's a chance you'll get tired of it after doing it many times.)
Not that he would ever have been enough of a jerk to ask some woman in the dorm to do HIS laundry for free.
I did quote the following to him: “I’ve heard men complain of doing woman’s work, and women complain of doing man’s work, but I’ve never heard the work complain of who did it, so long as it got done!”
lenona at October 17, 2017 9:33 AM
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