There's A Vast Denial Of Biological Sex Differences -- And The Ignorance Hurts Both Men And Women
Here's a tweet reflecting that ignorance.
The Aziz Ansari stuff is a perfect demonstration of how rape culture works and how men are socialized to feel entitled to sex. No, there was no rape, but this thing where men pester women for sex and don't let up, even when it's clear she isn't into it, IS RAPE CULTURE.
— Meghan Murphy (@MeghanEMurphy) January 15, 2018
First, we don't live in "rape culture." Only monsters think it is okay to force sex on a woman.
However, again, what's at root of this woman's ignorance is the feminist denial of biological sex differences and the psychological differences and differences in mating behavior they lead to.
I explained this the other day on this post:
Women evolved to be the choosier sex. It does not benefit a woman to just have sex with anyone because a single sex act could leave her with nine months of pregnancy plus the burden of parental care for years that follow. Males, however, can have sex and walk away -- in the human species and others. Trivers (parental investment theory) notes that the sex that has to do more parental care (as an outcome of having sex) will be choosier about whom they have sex with. In a few species, this is the male -- the jacana (a bird), for example. Mostly, females have the burden of pregnancy and parental care afterward.If you are a guy, and you are gay, you can go to a gay bar and somebody is likely to be willing to fuck you in a bathroom stall and never see you again. There's a reason straight people can't do this -- guys would; women will not go along.
Men will generally want casual sex far more than women do. If you're a woman who wants a relationship, it's wise to not meet a man at his apartment on the first date and to decline when he invites you up there afterward.
If, perhaps, you are too excited about his celebrity to decline, that's on you.
If you are naive, this is also on you. I was a timid wimp. This meant I got taken advantage of -- badly. I decided to transform and worked very hard on myself to do it. Nobody takes advantage of me now -- nobody. At the very least, when somebody tries, I sure don't sit down for it. They at least are miserable, thanks to my efforts to not let them get away with it, in the wake of their trying to victimize me.
The denial of biological sex differences contributes to women being victimized. If you know and accept that men and women tend to have differing sexual strategies, as this excellent David Buss/David Schmitt paper points out, you know what to expect.
In short, if you understand men's and women's differing sexual strategies, you understand that men are likely to try for casual sex and women are likely to want some sort of commitment -- even from casual sex partners, even when they know they want to just nail and bail. (I wrote about that in this post.)
Sure, as the Buss/Schmitt sexual strategies paper points out, it can also be "adaptive" for men to seek longterm partners and be adaptive for women to go for a casual thing. But in general, men favor a short-term strategy and women look for a man to show he's emotionally committed and willing and able to invest resources in any little sprogs that might come out of any fuck sessions a woman has with him.
"Strategic interference" is David Buss' term for when the mating strategies of one sex are derailed by the other. One way to derail them if you're a woman is to make a guy wait for sex -- which you do by declining to go up to his apartment on the first date.
Again, if women were clear on the strong biological underpinnings of what men want and what women want -- and the dramatic differences -- maybe more women would understand something fundamental: How to control what goes on on dates instead of just witnessing it as it happens to them and regretting it afterward.
This must be said (in these times): No, I'm not talking about women being forced to have sex. This is a crime and should be reported to the police immediately.
I'm talking about women going along with sexual stuff they don't want to be engaged in instead of saying no or walking out the door.
Great, non academia, what’s actually going on read. The folks that play all things like we all come into the world made of clay and our culture teaches us everything. Forget those pesky hormones and musculoskeletal differences, they mean nothing..
Lew Chapman at January 16, 2018 3:53 AM
Clear? Let's see, she let him go down on her and she then went down on him. Oh sure, it was clear she didn't want to have sex.
Meghan, dear, look up "clear" and get back to us on how you make it "clear" you're not into sex by performing it on someone.
Conan the Grammarian at January 16, 2018 4:30 AM
This notion that men are "socialized" to be a certain way -- as if their parents failed them and us, taken one way -- allows her to blame men and deem them terrible on some level.
Men evolved to want commitment-free sex. Many guys eventually (or to begin with) want more than that, but across species, the sex that has the least "obligate" parental investment that could come out of an single sex act is (evolved to be) the sex that is the least choosy about who they have sex with.
Underfuckingstandably.
Amy Alkon at January 16, 2018 4:57 AM
Meghan, dear, repeat after me: "No."
That is how you make it clear that you don't want to have sex. Not by performing oral sex on someone ... twice.
Feminists won't be happy until consent can be retroactively withdrawn with an open-ended time limit.
Wish you'd never had sex with that guy 26 years later? No problem, just decide to withdraw consent and you can ruin his life over a rape accusation.
Patrick at January 16, 2018 5:32 AM
Oh, whatever. Based on the description he was a creep. Creepier than the average guy. Not a rapist. Just skeevy.
Onus was on her to get out of it. But he's still a creep.
If you see his behavior as normal seduction then I'm sorry your experience with men is so bad. Most guys are much better at this sort of thing in my experience.
As for him and the boohooing everyone is doing on his behalf...
Don't want the world to know you are a sketch and a lousy lay? Don't invite strange women back to your apartment! Never know who is gonna lick and tell.
NicoleK at January 16, 2018 6:22 AM
How's this for clarity?
https://youtu.be/Cdmqn9JIuzc
Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!
Clear. Unambiguous. All that's left is a slap to the face, or a kick the nether regions.
I R A Darth Aggie at January 16, 2018 6:34 AM
"This notion that men are 'socialized' to be a certain way -- as if their parents failed them and us, taken one way -- allows her to blame men and deem them terrible on some level."
It's an accusation that is constructed so as to be non-falsifiable. (The sort of thing that propagandists specialize in.) If you're a guy, how can you prove that you aren't influenced by "rape culture"? You can't. According to the feminists, rape culture is suffused throughout every person in Western civilization, including most of the women. It transmits by osmosis. You are guilty upon being accused.
Cousin Dave at January 16, 2018 6:44 AM
"Based on the description he was a creep."
Of course, that's her description. We haven't heard his description. There are always two sides to the story. She made it clear that she was excited about the fact that she was getting to date a celebrity. Draw your own conclusions.
Cousin Dave at January 16, 2018 6:47 AM
This may explain the whole Ansari thing.
The oldest editorial staffer at Babe is 25 and the Ansari story was edited at brunch - 'cause mimosas and hard-hitting journalism belong in the same room.
Conan the Grammarian at January 16, 2018 7:26 AM
Only monsters think it is okay to force sex on a woman.
_________________________________________
Um, then why is it relatively rare for men convicted of rape to be diagnosed as mentally ill? (The idea that only "monsters" rape, even once in a lifetime, has been debunked time and again.)
Besides, while I'll admit that it IS rude for women not to consider other people's point of view as to what's seductive behavior on a date and what isn't, that doesn't change the fact that YOUNG men will often deliberately misread any signal they please - such as when she lets him do the inviting and paying on the date. Not to mention that in MANY communities, it's only considered "monstrous" to force sex on CERTAIN women. Other women are not considered respectable human beings. Madonna-whore complex, you know.
lenona at January 16, 2018 7:38 AM
Forgot to say: Thanks, NicoleK.
lenona at January 16, 2018 7:39 AM
Great message. More folks need to be aware of this. Thank you Amy!
Jules at January 16, 2018 7:51 AM
Meanwhile:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/act-four/wp/2018/01/15/babes-aziz-ansari-piece-was-a-gift-to-anyone-who-wants-to-derail-metoo/?utm_term=.44c3b4160a8f
I R A Darth Aggie at January 16, 2018 7:55 AM
Not to mention that in MANY communities, it's only considered "monstrous" to force sex on CERTAIN women. Other women are not considered respectable human beings.
Lenona, name those communities. Say two or three since there are MANY. Show your work.
I R A Darth Aggie at January 16, 2018 7:57 AM
Rape culture? Really? For Meghan Murphy and her fans...
Radwaste at January 16, 2018 8:09 AM
This denial often leads to the following, which I have seen repeatedly: woman denies wanting to marry or have children. Reaches her 30s: well ok, I do want to get married. A couple years later: well, ok children are what I want. And by then it may be too late.
The denial that women are more easily hurt by crudeness and loveless sex leads to all sorts of heartache but retroactively calling it assault or blaming it on the guy are unjust. If you are ambiguous about the sex don't do it. If you don't know the guy very well and he doesn't appear to really care for you, don't do it. Pretty simple really.
cc at January 16, 2018 8:48 AM
NicoleK: Oh, whatever. Based on the description he was a creep. Creepier than the average guy. Not a rapist. Just skeevy.
And how much credibility does an anonymous accuser whose story we only get through an obviously biased journalist, actually have?
The sad part of it is, you are totally clueless as to how clueless you are. A person you can't even see, even through a computer or television screen, so that you could form some kind of impression as to their credibility (even if it is based on a few seconds of air time), is totally, utterly, completely believable in your mind.
And Aziz, whom you actually know something about and has a career that depends upon public impressions, is a total creep in your mind.
What, exactly, would it take to give you even a trivial amount of skepticism?
All I can say is, I hope your livelihood is never threatened due to accusations made by an anonymous source through a third party.
Patrick at January 16, 2018 8:53 AM
> oldest editorial staffer
> at Babe is 25
See also.
It occurs to me now that these web-publishing girls didn't quite come to grips with irony or calling their website —or the stereotypical dickswinging actor addressing a fan as— "Babe."
You can move through the world with all the agency you can carry, Kitten....
Crid at January 16, 2018 9:09 AM
OF calling their website... etc
Crid at January 16, 2018 9:43 AM
'Skeevy' is a great word.
If you were the first High Schooler in your state to use it, they should give you free transportation to, and lodging at, your reunions. And free drinks.
Crid at January 16, 2018 9:45 AM
I've known quite a few guys--decent ones--to repeatedly fall back on the same bad move during sex. I've always assumed that when they're aroused enough, they kind of go on autopilot and default to moves that worked on an ex or that they saw in porn, and in the moment it's not registering that it isn't working for you. One guy would reflexively blow in my ear during sex (Aaaaaaa!) and had obviously done it so many times before he had to retrain himself not to.
This is so common for men /and/ women that Dan Savage wrote a column on how to tackle it. If gentle redirection doesn't work, then you withdraw and say it plainly. If he does it after that, then you end the sexual engagement.
I'm guessing Ansari wasn't going out of his way to treat her like Cinderella because she was basically a star f***er, and HIS non-verbal cues spelled out that he saw her as one-night stand material. My impression was that she was sticking around hoping for that script to change.
Insufficient Poison at January 16, 2018 9:54 AM
But... Babe.net says "You should sleep with at LEAST 25 guys before settling down, and I’ll tell you exactly why"
and they include great tips like: "Having indiscriminate sex is really, really fun. If you're on some kind of contraception and always use a condom, why shouldn't you Samantha Jones it and consensually bone everyone you've ever encountered?"
https://babe.net/2017/12/26/you-should-sleep-with-at-least-25-guys-before-settling-down-and-ill-tell-you-exactly-why-26107
Snoopy at January 16, 2018 10:10 AM
So instead of the laughable rape culture, we are in a 'pestering culture'? a bit more believable.
But the author wants to turn it into a ? 'begging / groveling culture'? 'a mind reading culture'? And she thinks this will lead to better relationships/ better sex? lol
As to Aziz at 5'6 140 lb, he's about as nu-intimidating a guy you can get. If you're too intimidated to tell him white vs red wine, you've lost before you start.
Joe J at January 16, 2018 10:31 AM
No individual person is "entitled" to have sex with another individual person on any particular occasion. Of course (e.g., wedding night), there are situations where an expectation of sex is reasonable, and withholding sex would be an example of "frigidity culture".
Notwithstanding individual situations, however, men as a group ARE entitled to sex from women, as a group, just as the males of every species are entitled to have sex with the females of that species. And vice-versa, of course. Females have a huge incentive to figure out a way to meet the demand in a predictable, and peaceful, way. When and if they don't, then you'll certainly see a "rape" culture develop where sexual dimorphism exists.
One gets the feeling that feminists would like to see a "praying mantis" and/or "black widow" culture. We already have a "cock-tease" culture.
Jay R at January 16, 2018 10:31 AM
Don't want the world to know you are a sketch and a lousy lay? Don't invite strange women back to your apartment! Never know who is gonna lick and tell.
NicoleK at January 16, 2018 6:22 AM
I agree with everything you wrote, except for the spirit I infer from the last sentence, something along the lines of, "he has it coming". In response to that:
1) Nothing that transpired as described merits public sharing to warn other people, or even to right some intimate injustice. Therefore the publication of this story is not a public service announcement - it is entirely self serving.
2) The fact that we never know "who is going to lick and tell" is an ugly reality, and "revenge porn" is the application of modern technology to an age old human reflex for retaliation. This woman's story is revenge porn.
I guess if you're going to pick up people you don't know, revenge porn is a hazard that comes with the territory of sharing your genitals with someone whose character you haven't taken the time to see in action.
That said, adults are each 100 % responsible for their behavior.
The fact that he left himself open to her questionable character doesn't absolve her of responsibility for the choices she navigated, and doesn't dignify her choice to violate his expectation of privacy about a sexually intimate encounter in a private space between two consenting adults.
Michelle at January 16, 2018 11:17 AM
I stopped in at the coffee shop where I was eye-raped by the barista, had a rape-the-land wheat-based bagel with rape-the-animals-for-their-milk cream cheese and a cup of coffee produced by growers who are raped daily by white coffee addict culture.
Later, as I was putting gas in my car, I realized the entire "nozzle in the gas tank" model is a perfect example of male rape culture, especially since the car company owners are white. Of course, the minorities who built my car are blameless, if only because the white company owners raped them financially by providing jobs that didn't come with millions of dollars of stock options. Stock, by the way, is financial rape, because I don't have enough.
Normally I wouldn't complain in public but now that I'm divorced - because I refused to participate in my own rape by someone who actually believed that marriage implies the partners exchange sexual affection - I don't have anyone to talk to.
Someone's to blame and I'm sure it's not me. Probably the rapists. They're everywhere!
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at January 16, 2018 11:28 AM
"If you're too intimidated to tell him white vs red wine, you've lost before you start. "
Why do you have the right to pick when someone is serving you in his home? It's NICE if your host asks. Otherwise you eat/drink what is served or politely decline.
Insufficient Poison at January 16, 2018 12:27 PM
Because Aziz played a creepy guy on the teevee, therefore he's creepy in real life, too. Right?
The guy who played the Scorpio killer in Dirty Harry, Andrew Robinson, had to get an unlisted number - because he started getting death threats from fans who could not separate fiction from reality.
Conan the Grammarian at January 16, 2018 12:42 PM
Scott Adams on feminists
Radwaste at January 16, 2018 2:43 PM
Conan:
Seriously?
Some people are so freaking idiotic. I wonder if Emma Watson gets requests from people wanting her to jinx their boss or something.
I heard from somewhere that Joan Collins had a similar problem from fans who couldn't separate her from the evil bitch she played on Dynasty.
Patrick at January 16, 2018 3:04 PM
Question for Ms. Murphy: is there a society anywhere on Earth where rape culture, as you define it, does not exist?
Rex Little at January 16, 2018 3:42 PM
"I wonder if Emma Watson gets requests from people wanting her to jinx their boss or something."
I betting on the, "or something". She doesn't look much like Hermione these days...
Radwaste at January 17, 2018 3:54 AM
Even according to her version of the story she seems to have been aggressively pursuing him--ie throwing herself at him, ie is a groupie. Can't imagine how he got the wrong idea.
Do people think Emma Watson knows magic? Yes, yes they do.
cc at January 17, 2018 9:06 AM
Lenona, name those communities. Say two or three since there are MANY. Show your work.
I R A Darth Aggie at January 16, 2018 7:57 AM
________________________________________
The fundamentalist Bob Jones University, for starters, as I've mentioned here before, more than once. (Lazy, are you?)
From the Christian Post:
"Two years after the rape, Landry (former BJU student and a Mennonite) said she recognized that she needed help and sought it from BJU and was referred to Jim Berg, the dean of students at the time.
"After telling Berg her story, Landry said he asked her if she had been drinking, smoking marijuana or had been 'impure.' He then asked her about her 'root sin.'
"He goes, 'Well, there's always a sin under other sin. There's a root sin,'" Landry recalled. "And he said, 'We have to find the sin in your life that caused your rape.' And I just ran."
(end of excerpt)
In other words, assuming the accused man isn't an outsider at BJU, the woman MUST be to blame; she is more of a criminal than he is even when she can prove she was forced. (I have no idea how many female BJU students shun premarital sex, but it's a safe bet that they're more likely to do that than at secular schools - and even THAT apparently doesn't help their cases!) Unless, maybe, she's already married to someone else and is thus another man's property. Should I assume that BJU is the only evangelical school with that mindset? I'd be foolish to do that. (More on that, below.)
Plus, I will bet that any community that currently cheers all the racist remarks by Trump - do I really need to name all of those? - doesn't take the rape of black women by white men seriously. (Yes, I know most rape is not interracial.) Or the rape of poor women by rich men. Or the rape of prostitutes. How many cops, especially, take THAT type of rape seriously? In any community?
And, from last August (note the last paragraph):
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/xwwd3w/billy-grahams-grandson-says-protestants-abuse-kids-just-like-catholics
"Basyle 'Boz' Tchividjian is shining a spotlight on the sexual abuse of children in Protestant churches—a scandal he says may be larger than that of the Catholic Church."
First paragraphs:
By Josiah Hesse
Basyle "Boz" Tchividjian walks a fine line. On one side, he's the ultimate evangelical insider. His grandfather was the famed evangelical preacher Billy Graham, who exerted immense influence over American politics, culture, and theology. Tchividjian has followed in the family business, teaching law at Liberty University, the Christian college of famed Baptist pastor Jerry Falwell. On the other side, he's one of the most articulate critics of evangelical institutions, at times sounding like a new atheist prophet alongside Richard Dawkins or Bill Maher. He says that churches can be ideal environments for sexual predators who target children. And that traditions of shame, male power structures, and public relations myopia help keep abusers in positions of power and the abused silent.
Tchividjian sees it as his Christian duty to root out abuse in the church, and to build defenses against it. His organization, GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment), has been hired to investigate high-profile Christian institutions like Bob Jones University and New Tribes Mission. GRACE revealed frightening levels of sexual abuse and, as he told me during our interview, "the common thread of institutional protection at the expense of the individual."
Tchividjian has even had to deal with sex scandals in his own family. In 2015, it was revealed that Boz's brother, Tullian Tchividjian, had committed what the GRACE board described as a "gross misuse of power" in his extramarital relations with adult members of the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Over the years, Boz has come to recognize that many churches do not have policies in place to deal with accusations of abuse. And too often they blame the victims for seducing their abuser. In an attempt to combat this, Tchividjian recently co-authored The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide for Churches and Ministries, attempting to help church leaders address difficult questions about predators in their communities and how to avoid further harming someone who has already been traumatized...
lenona at January 17, 2018 9:09 AM
Thanks for writing this. You have written far better than I can. This is exactly what I've been wanting to say. The truth of the matter is that we are animals and are "wired" in different ways when it comes to mating to achieve different outcomes. We are so far removed from the fact that we are animals with instincts that when our instincts steer some of our behaviours, we aren't able to recognize or understand them. This is not an excuse for rape or abuse at all. We are also civilized beings who are able to rationalize and live in a society where rape and abuse is not acceptable for peace and harmony. But, at the core, we are still what we are....apes.
Chris Hearn at January 17, 2018 9:16 AM
The interesting thing about this is: Grace pursued Ansari. She saw him at a party, and (after ditching her date), she pursued him. By her own account, he blew her off at first. But she didn't take his initial "no" for an answer! How horribly male of her.
Cousin Dave at January 17, 2018 9:51 AM
While I don't like the term "rape culture," since it clearly exaggerates the problem in the U.S., per se, here's what Paul Kivel, author of "Boys Will be Men," wrote on pages 170-171:
"Too often the conclusion boys draw from these conflicting (parent vs. media) messages is that men shouldn't hit women EXCEPT when the woman is out of control, too emotional, going crazy, defiant, rebellious, manipulative, or just generally out of line, i.e., when she acts like a bad girl as men have been taught to define it. Men fear that if they let a women get out of control, or if they lose ultimate control of a relationship, the woman will take advantage of them or they will be abandoned.
"Boys are also taught not to rape women. But the underlying and pervasive social messages boys receive is that women are sexual objects and that successful men are able to get sex from women. All men can buy pictures and videos of women's bodies, smooth-talking men can seduce women, rich men can buy access to women's bodies, and the rest have to use more force. Although extreme force is nominally condemned (but still rarely punished), the assumption that men should have access to sex from women when they want it is not generally challenged."
(end of excerpt)
And does it surprise anyone that teenage boys, as opposed to men, are more likely to try to argue "but what if..." ? Didn't think so. An individual man may understand that he has no right to force a woman into sex just because they had consensual sex yesterday. An uneducated teen boy may well disagree and be outraged if a man tells him otherwise - even if he doesn't show it.
If anyone missed it, here are seven rights regarding dating and sex that I know of for boys and men (scroll halfway down):
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/02/15/almost_no_one_h.html
_______________________________________
Notwithstanding individual situations, however, men as a group ARE entitled to sex from women, as a group, just as the males of every species are entitled to have sex with the females of that species. And vice-versa, of course. Females have a huge incentive to figure out a way to meet the demand in a predictable, and peaceful, way. When and if they don't, then you'll certainly see a "rape" culture develop where sexual dimorphism exists. - Jay R
______________________________________
That is almost identical to what the apologists for killer George Sodini said.
(May I make clear that I don't believe that WOMEN are entitled to sex from MEN, as a group, just as they're not entitled to the housewife lifestyle or to have babies with men they haven't even met yet. If women can commit a Lysistrata, so can men. As Katha Pollitt wrote in 1987: "You don't have a right to a child, any more than you have a right to a spouse. You only have the right to try to have one.")
Here's what one such apologist said. (Btw, Sodini was good-looking and had a good job, but couldn't get a date for years. Since he shot up a gym full of strangers, the women he TRIED to date likely sensed something very wrong with him before then.)
https://archive.li/tiGNC
"...A man deserves to get laid, just a a person who walks into Starbucks with $5 deserves a drink.
"Men do everything women ask them to do, in pursuit of sex, and when it comes time for women to give it up, they don’t.
"So just like that guy with $5, men have followed the rules to create the value that women have demanded in exchange for sex, and after they pay, many of them walk away empty handed.
"In any other place in ‘the world’ a crime like this would not be tolerated. But is is perfectly OK in the sexual market to extract value from a man for years and never fuck him."
And, from another one:
"George Sodini is an MRA hero as much a reason to learn game. Finally a mass murderer writes a relatively coherent manifesto. Could be better, but at least it is implied that feminism is to blame and he is taking a last stand. I had been waiting for this (almost thinking I had to do it myself) and I am impressed. Kudos."
lenona at January 17, 2018 9:58 AM
More Sodini apologists are quoted here. Unfortunately, since this is from 2009, the links kindly provided by anti-MRA Ampersand mostly don't work any more, but if you want to, you can Google the phrases.
http://amptoons.com/blog/?p=8424&cpage=1
Here's one:
"Women are treated much better than men in America. This is merely the blowback from feminism.
"Women have to accept this incident as a tax on their freeloading. Women get men to buy them drinks, dinners, and bridezilla weddings, all in return for virtually nothing. Once in a while, a few women get shot up. Given the $500 billion a year that women mooch off of men each year, that is a relatively small tax to pay.
"Women, particularly the feminazis, have a good deal of introspection to do. Better they do it now before Islam forces them to do it on Islam’s terms."
lenona at January 17, 2018 10:07 AM
And may I add that I AGREE with Ms. Bari Weiss?
"Aziz Ansari Is Guilty. Of Not Being a Mind Reader."
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/15/opinion/aziz-ansari-babe-sexual-harassment.html
There could be 3,000 comments by tomorrow. Granted, some of the top-rated ones have important points too.
lenona at January 17, 2018 10:15 AM
How horribly gauche of her. Everyone who has any manners knows you dance with who brung you.
Conan the Grammarian at January 17, 2018 10:22 AM
My dating life wasn't perfect, and I make no claim to being an angel. But I can honestly say that I never ditched a date and never stood up a date. On the other hand, I can think of three times when a date ditched me, and I was stood up more times than I can count.
Cousin Dave at January 17, 2018 11:32 AM
Lenona, your pearl-clutching prattling only serves to illustrate the point I made.
You need to learn to think things through...
Jay R at January 17, 2018 12:11 PM
You need to learn to think things through...
__________________________________
Says the man who can't even understand the difference between deeply WANTING something, for valid biological reasons, and being morally ENTITLED to it. There's a big difference that any civilized 5-year-old should understand. What was wrong with what Pollitt said? Why should human beings as a group have more rights than individuals, just because the subject is sex? (Note: No one has ever even suffered a physical injury due to lack of sex, unlike what happens after a couple of weeks with no food.)
Btw, male animals are not "entitled" to sex or food - they just take whatever they can without getting killed for it, whether by a rival male or by the previous owner of the food cache. Think about it.
lenona at January 17, 2018 4:45 PM
For that matter, what's wrong with what Paul Kivel wrote?
Children are not born good or unselfish, and teens (of both sexes) are not as civilized as adults, especially when a materialist pop culture so often undermines what the better parts of the media and society are trying to create. Teens have to be firmly taught and closely supervised until they PROVE they're as good as civilized adults.
lenona at January 17, 2018 4:58 PM
So, Babe reporter, Katie Way, is miffed because someone with way more experience and intelligence than she will ever have dared to criticize her. I knew there was a reason to like Ashleigh Banfield.
When Banfield dared to suggest Way's story on Aziz Ansari and his date with "Grace" was not helpful to #TimesUp movement, Way sent an e-mail to Headline News, Banfield's employer calling Banfield "someone I'm certain no one under the age of 45 has ever heard of..." and said Banfield's criticism was the "one of the lowest, most despicable things I've ever seen in my entire life."
Um, Katie, not to burst your bubble, but when you were 6, Banfield was reporting on 9/11 from the streets of Lower Manhattan. Later, she interviewed Taliban prisoners and reported on the Afghan war from Afghanistan. You edited an article about a date while having brunch. Get over yourself.
This kind of crap is why people hate Millennials.
Conan the Grammarian at January 17, 2018 6:10 PM
Um, then why is it relatively rare for men convicted of rape to be diagnosed as mentally ill? (The idea that only "monsters" rape, even once in a lifetime, has been debunked time and again.)
_______________________________________
More on that from Ruth Bell's "Changing Bodies, Changing Lives," page 130, if anyone insists (to my annoyance, this teen-aimed book is not something you can read online, even partially):
"Who Is a Rapist?
"It is very difficult to define the kind of man who rapes. Most studies are done on men in prison who are called chronic rapists - men who rape over and over again. These studies show that most men who rape are not crazy or even mentally ill. Rather rapists appear to be 'normal' by society's standards. What seems common to all rapists, however (and this includes men who get involved in acquaintance rape situations), is that they have a lack of self-confidence and self-understanding. Many rapists come from families where they were beaten or humiliated or sexually abused as children.
"Also, people who rape generally have poor communication skills. They do not know how to communicate what they want or need from a situation. And perhaps most important, men who rape cannot see women as human beings. They see women only as sex objects or 'cunts' or 'whores.' "
(end of excerpt)
So if even serial rapists are not, as a rule, mentally ill, what does that say about all the men who forced a crying woman into sex "only" once or twice in a lifetime?
And, from 1997(?)
“There is simply no evidence, save the rape itself,” Katharine Baker writes in the Harvard Law Review, “suggesting that all or even most rapists are objectively depraved.”
lenona at January 20, 2018 8:40 AM
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