Graceless Meangirling
Maxwell Tani writes at Biz Insider of the email to HLN anchor, Ashleigh Banfield -- like me, a critic of the Katie Way piece on "Grace's" date with Aziz Ansari.
The email came from Katie Way herself after Banfield asked her to come on the air to discuss the story. Here it is in full:
It's an unequivocal no from me. The way your colleague Ashleigh (?), someone I'm certain no one under the age of 45 has ever heard of, by the way, ripped into my source directly was one of the lowest, most despicable things I've ever seen in my entire life. Shame on her. Shame on HLN. Ashleigh could have "talked" to me. She could have "talked" to my editor or my publication. But instead, she targeted a 23-year-old woman in one of the most vulnerable moments of her life, someone she's never f------ met before, for a little attention. I hope the ratings were worth it! I hope the ~500 RTs on the single news write-up made that burgundy lipstick bad highlights second-wave feminist has-been feel really relevant for a little while. She DISGUSTS me, and I hope when she has more distance from the moment she has enough of a conscience left to feel remotely ashamed -- doubt it, but still. Must be nice to piggyback off of the fact that another woman was brave enough to speak up and add another dimension to the societal conversation about sexual assault. Grace wouldn't know how that feels, because she struck out into this alone, because she's the bravest person I've ever met. I would NEVER go on your network. I would never even watch your network. No woman my age would ever watch your network. I will remember this for the rest of my career -- I'm 22 and so far, not too shabby! And I will laugh the day you fold. If you could let Ashleigh know I said this, and that she is no-holds-barred the reason, it'd be a real treat for me.Thanks,
Katie
"I'm 22 and so far, not too shabby!"
Guess what, Katie: We all get "shabby" eventually.
For many women, one's 20s are a time when there's intense concern over having the "right" lipstick, the "cool" hair.
As you become somebody of substance, as you are not as obsessed with finding love, that stuff matters less.
(Kindness is stylish at any age.)
I try to keep up the curb appeal, but these days, I'm writing something deeply important to me -- something that I hope will make a difference for many people's health. I don't leave the house to write anymore, because that would require showering and getting dressed -- which really seems a waste of fucking time; time I could be putting into getting this thing finished.
That's being 53 for you.
P.S. I vastly prefer it to being 22 and knowing what the currently "cool" hairstyle is.
"I'm 22 and so far, not too shabby!"
Give it 6 years, 10 at the most.
Michelel at January 17, 2018 9:50 PM
"I will remember this for the rest of my career!"
Please feel free to do so, but also don't forget my preference for Green Goddess over peppercorn ranch. On the side, thanks.
Kevin at January 17, 2018 11:29 PM
They say the brain doesn't mature fully until 25, and this email confirms that. Even if you feel your points stand, the dramatic language is immature and not likely to get you support.
NicoleK at January 18, 2018 4:26 AM
Katie, please, sit down, shut up, and let the grown ups talk.
Banfield has done real reporting, from disasters and war zones - in an era when women were usually given "fluff" stories, so she had to actually fight to get where she is.
You went to brunch and edited a story about a bad date; and now, thanks to the reactions, you think you've done hard-hitting journalism. Talk to us when you have some real experience, when you've earned a wrinkle or two.
Katie, you work for a Web site with "more scandals than scoops." So, what is Babe?
"Many of the baffling reporting choices around the story make a lot more sense once you understand what Babe is: a women-focused spin-off of the controversial media startup The Tab. Founded in 2009, The Tab launched as a series of campus-specific blogs written primarily by unpaid writers and editors who could earn 'prize money' by hitting specific page-view goals. This incentive-based structure led to a two-pronged approach to content: anodyne 'relatable' blog posts that take little time to write and circulate widely on Facebook, and controversial opinion or topical news reactions that can go viral by inciting conversational rage. The Tab’s editorial history includes several minor news scoops and far more scandals, including April Fool’s hoaxes, a butt-rating contest, and a tendency to skirt around questions about unpaid labor by calling themselves not a publication, but 'between a platform and a publisher.'"
"When Babe launched in May 2016, it incited its own minor scandal by soliciting unpaid 'summer correspondents' with a job posting promising benefits like 'getting your stories read by thousands of readers across the US' and 'adding the position to your LinkedIn profile.' The post said that Babe writers ought to 'be active on social media' and 'not give a fuck,' but made no mention of writing or editing skills, knowledge of any particular subject matter, or even a general interest in journalism."
"Babe’s Brooklyn office opened in 2017, and it currently has a small staff of early-20-something reporters and editors, many of whom initially entered The Tab ecosystem for college extracurricular activities. Few of them have had previous paid jobs in journalism. For the most part, that’s fine — the vast majority of Babe’s content is fun and clicky, and doesn’t require reporting."
And, by the way, make sure you use the domain .net when searching for Babe. If you use .com you'll end up at a soft-core porn site. I bet Banfield's employer doesn't have that issue.
Conan the Grammarian at January 18, 2018 5:43 AM
'm grateful that social media didn't exist during my asshole years (one's 20s - and especially, one's early 20s), though my intermittent assholishness largely involved acting like I knew everything.
Having been meangirled, I would never do that to anyone. Also, being a person with a conscience and empathy.
Amy Alkon at January 18, 2018 6:26 AM
"burgundy lipstick bad highlights..."
Mee-yow! I thought real women didn't do this sort of thing? That it was all a slander that evil sexist men invented?
Cousin Dave at January 18, 2018 6:32 AM
Also, being a person of experience and with the knowledge of your own capacity for error that experience brings.
Katie has published one article - an article for which no one was paying her. Now that it has attracted some attention, she thinks she deserves a Pulitzer and can can contemptuously dismiss more senior journalists as irrelevant, the very same senior journalists that paved the way for her.
Remember your Kipling:
Conan the Grammarian at January 18, 2018 7:45 AM
> during my asshole years
> (one's 20s
The pretenders fade early. Contenders carry on through their forties, fifties and *beyond.*
Crid at January 18, 2018 8:05 AM
I remember when I was in my 20's. I knew everything then, too.
Carolynn at January 18, 2018 9:03 AM
Sorry, my earlier link about Babe.net and "more scandals than scoops" should have been this one. The quotes are from this article.
Conan the Grammarian at January 18, 2018 9:05 AM
I love this story, it is the gift that keeps on giving.
Think about it. Anzari asked for sex, she said no and they didnt have sex.
He then asked for a blow job, and she gave him one.
Somehow this story about a guy backing off of sex when asked and asking verbally for consent is being spun as rape/assualt.
I love the people on twitter saying 'understanding consent isnt that hard' after castigating the guy for literally asking for consent
lujlp at January 18, 2018 10:43 AM
lujlp points out that this is actually a model for getting consent--that is simply a hilarious truth here. The girl threw herself at him, was naked in his apartment, and yet he respected her wishes. The claim she makes that he should have read her mind and not pestered her further is belied by the fact that she gave him a hummer twice--sounds like she was into something--how was he to know exactly what she was into? The girl is also upset she didn't get red wine, which suggests she has no sense of proportion or gratitude.
cc at January 18, 2018 11:20 AM
"I remember when I was in my 20's. I knew everything then, too."
Reminds me of the old joke: "I remember how, when I was 18, my old man was an idiot. By the time I turned 27, I was amazed at how much he had learned!"
Cousin Dave at January 18, 2018 11:31 AM
Holy cow! Her email is right in line, though, with how women in their 20’s talk to people. They evidently can’t discuss anything, but go from 0 to banshee in 10 seconds flat. I see examples like this often.
‘someone I’m sure no one under 45 has ever heard of’ is not so much the insult she imagines as a declaration of her own ignorance. She obviously didn’t even look her up before sending that email, I guarantee it.
crella at January 18, 2018 5:10 PM
There are several words I could think of to describe "Grace." And the very last of them would be "brave."
On the contrary, I consider her quite craven. Among our Constitutional rights is the right to be confronted by the witness against us.
Yes, yes, yes, I hear the screaming, "It's not a court of law!"
No shit.
But shouldn't our Constitution be based upon our values as a society? There is nothing brave about attacking a public figure when you're assured anonymity.
There is nothing brave about capitulating to perform sexual acts that you (supposedly) didn't want to do, then crying the world like you're some kind of victim. A brave person would have asserted herself and walked out the door.
"Grace" has behaved like a simpering little three-year-old who lost her mommy in the mall and it doesn't look like she has any intention of acquiring some courage.
Patrick at January 18, 2018 9:04 PM
I think it’s hillarious that this Katie person is supposed to be the editor of a publication. An EDITOR! Surely she knew that her email would be made public?
This morning, my husband and I were talking about how young people cannot write. He’s interviewing welders and potential demo crew members all day, and has been getting texts from potential employees in response to his help wanted ad. A welder or construction worker older than 32-33 knows how to construct a sentence. The younger ones, though... It is very hard to tell whether you’re communicating with a recent highschool graduate or someone who does not actually speak English.
I’ve been referring to “Grace” as “The Hoe who can’t say ‘no.’”
ahw at January 19, 2018 8:23 AM
I get the sense Grace might actually be this "editor".
Momof4 at January 19, 2018 10:28 AM
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Yes, out of my aged (63 year old) memory, I can still remember some of the very naive things I said at age 22/23, but nothing to top this girl (word used deliberately). She won't be interesting unless or until she grows up.
Robin at January 19, 2018 5:22 PM
Ahw,
Even those of us on the upper end of that age band have troubles with writing. I blame the teachers. It is a very simple fact that they decided to stop teaching when was in school. Crid complains about my comma usage. I was taught to 'Just put them where they feel right.' And this was a top rated school. If my parents hadn't become alarmed at my difficulty with math and started teaching me from the Saxon text books I might not be an engineer today.
Ben at January 19, 2018 6:22 PM
Cousin Dave, re that joke:
From the comic "Arlo and Janis," years ago:
Arlo is talking to his young son Gene, who, IIRC, is facing away from him and watching TV.
ARLO: You know, son, Mark Twain once said: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
GENE (still looking at the TV, with a straight face): Gee, Dad, maybe you should learn what Mark Twain's father learned!
lenona at January 20, 2018 9:43 AM
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