Actually, just get married, and your celibacy will never be an issue again with most women... My sex life ended precisely on my wedding day...

You should still see a doctor who specializes in sexual medicine

Dr. Marvin Gaye!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuT1ITUpodg

But seriously, don't tell people that you're a eunuch. It's one thing not to be interested in sex, it's quite another to tell them that you've been castrated.

How true Amy!

Sheesh, I hope not. Blow jobs are how I get out of watching really lame episodes of The Office.

Poor guy. But whatever floats his boat, I guess.

I'm with MonicaP. BF gets blow jobs on a regular basis, and 9 times out of 10, whenever I start one, I get what I want from him, too. Works for us!

MonicaP and Flynne - you're a credit to women everywhere!

My ex used to decide it was blow job time when I was watching the football (mostly because she was bored) - I actually, believe it or not, resisted because I felt like I it wasn't fair (and yes, it made it really hard to concentrate on the game). She just patted me on the head and said "You can make it up to me later"

Which I always did, btw - although if you talked to her you might get a different story. I tried at least :)

Are you kidding? Blowjobs are a staple of married life with kids! We often go a whole month before we can have actual intercourse that involves *gasp* having the time to rip our clothes off, but blowjobs can be accomplished daily before work!

Sends us off with a smile, that's for sure.

This is why I love this crowd. Guy who calls himself a eunuch asks for non-sexual love advice, and we turn it into a discussion of blow jobs before breakfast. Speaking of which...

Actually, Sterling, I think you'll find Amy started it...

Darn it! I'll have to tell hubby we're doing it wrong... all those BJs over the past five years - well, no more! Or maybe they were a figment of his imagination...

Can't say I've ever given a bj to a eunuch ... .

At the very least, marriage tends to be a cure for blow jobs.

I hear that all the time. I have to assume that most women don't like felatio and only perform it to hook a guy. Those of us who like it sure as hell aren't going to stop just because we're married.

So, a eunuch walks into a bar ...

"At the very least, marriage tends to be a cure for blow jobs."

As with all things resentment, half this battle is on the "victim." Repeat after me: "life is too short to not ask for what you want."

The wife hates it? Well that is what girlfriends are for!

HA!

I can't believe people are trashing "The Office"! ):
One of my favorite shows...

I'm with you Emma! LOVE "The Office"

And my hubby and I didn't get the memo either about marriage being the end of the BJ....no complaints from him in that dept...

The LW sounds kind of proud of being asexual. It's a lifestyle choice, okay, but I don't see where it has any moral superiority over other lifestyle choices. Am I off base here?

Eh. As came up in another threat, we all feel superior over something. LW seems to think it makes him special, if not morally superior. That's fine, but he needs to find someone who doesn't mind never having sex, so dating sites may be the way to go.

I've never known anyone asexual, so forgive me if this sounds stupid, but if he's not interested in sex, why limit himself to women? Wouldn't either gender be OK? Or is there still sexual attraction involved?

Interesting point MonicaP. He still seems to want romance though, just not sex - so he might just be on the very straight end of the scale and only be able to feel that sort of connection/intimate friendship part of a relationship with a woman. I've ended up with quite a few female friends (varying degrees of attraction/tension, but all purely platonic) and they're the ones I go to when I need someone to talk to - my male friends are great, but they're pretty useless when the conversation gets deep and meaningful. Men and women really are different.

I wonder if he would accept someone who was willing to have the intimacy and romance with him but got other needs fulfilled outside the relationship? Perhaps on a "Don't ask, don't tell" basis?

I generally have a very high sex drive, but I've been on medication before that left me basically asexual as a side effect. Honestly, I actually enjoyed it. Men are practically slaves to their hormones, and will put up with strange amounts of nonsense from women just to keep 'getting it' ... women seem to know this gives them some element of power, but it's almost liberating in a way being freed from that, and just being able to not have anyone have that type of influence over you, you can just do what you want, and think with the 'correct' head all the time.

you're late getting to the party, but it's ok - very fashionable company. read the philosophy of andy warhol from a to b and back again. andy was glad to see his lovelife go, felt that next to work sex was the hardest thing to do in life. think about it - drop some downs - maybe feel better about yourself. "sex drive" is nostalgia.

Maybe these married guys aren't getting bj's because they're not going downtown on the wife? Or maybe it's because they married a woman who had no interest in sex from the moment they met, and then they're surprised that she magically didn't turn into a sex maniac after the wedding.

The self-described eunuch borrowed his strange terminology for celibacy from the Bible.

Matthew 19:12 "For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

The thing is, being asexual is a sexual preference, much the same as being bi or gay. One is born that way. It is not a "choice" one makes. For those of us who actually dig sex & want it, yet are married to asexual ones, we have been duped or cheated out of life's finer pleasure. Those who are asexual MUST somehow announce their preference early on in the relationship, otherwise, if/when the couple marries, YES, there will be trouble.

The term "eunuch" means that you have been surgically relieved of your sexual parts, & has nothing to do with asexuality except, of course, the end result is the same: no sex.

I disagree with posters who say "just get married and it assures celibacy"... how untrue! I am a healthy, sexual woman, and marriage has neither slowed down nor killed my desire, even though my husband is asexual. If you are in an asexual marriage & want to change that, look at your own actions, then the actions of your partner, then start working towards positive change, because sex only gets better with age :)

Bluejean Baby, I think those comments were jokes. Except maybe Snoopy's (and if that's true, I feel your pain, I'm single now and missing regular sex terribly). Amy's definitely was!

You don't have to answer this because it's terribly personal - but how do you deal with this in your marriage? I'm genuinely curious, it looks implied in your comment that you have both worked something out and he makes the effort to satisfy you - or do you have some other arrangement? I'm not familiar with anyone whose preference is asexual (I've had bouts of lack of desire for sex but they were triggered by alcoholism and chronic depression, a very different thing).

I agree if that's the way you are it's something you should bring up very early in a relationship, for the same reason that I make sure that I make it clear I don't want children as early as possible. I'm 36 so I'm at the age where a lot of prospective partners are hearing that tick-tick and I don't want to waste anyone's time. Did you know or did it come out later? Again not trying to pry, don't answer if I'm being too inquisitive.

@ Ltw November 20 2:32 a.m. I do not consider your comments or questions as prying & am open to discussing. Bottom line: i am trying to help others not make the same mistake. My husband has made it clear that he is not interested in sex, nor is he interested in any further counselling. We have only worked out that we are very different when it comes to sexual expression/needs/desire. His is low; mine is high. No, i did not know when we were dating; he put on a very different facade and duped me. Together with advice/comments from the therapist we saw, as well as my own investigations, the "asexual" label fits. I thought (erroneously) that i could show him, and i did voice my needs, all normal, yet he stepped down instead of stepping up. It slowly came out about 5 yrs after we were married, though in retrospect, there were many clues throughout dating and early marriage. I was having to ask for sex - at first he would promise more, but didn't deliver; later on, he would get defensive and upset if i asked. Nowadays, we live like roomies. I feel very cheated. We have 2 young children & i don't want to leave them in these hard economic times.

Thanks for being so candid Bluejean Baby. That sounds really hard, like I said I go through similar periods myself - for very different reasons, and temporary, the rest of the time my sex drive is high - and I winced a bit at the "defensive and upset" comment because that exactly describes my reaction when my ex-partner was trying to fix things.

I suppose I wonder - if your husband is completely uninterested in sex, does he still feel jealousy? Would he object to you discreetly (but with his knowledge) getting what you want outside the marriage? Or maybe you have your own objections to that approach.

Either way, I hope you work out something that works for you, you're very much stuck between a rock and a hard place. I understand you don't want to leave your kids and from the effort you've gone to it sounds like you do care for your husband.

You know all the things people say about marriage ending sex or blow jobs and whatever else just shows what a sad marriage YOU have or had! My marriage is not like that, it's been 8 years, we have kids and we still have all of the above at least a few times a week. Men who complain that their wife never gives them any should stop and take a look at themselves and wonder "Why is she so miserable with me that she doesn't want me touching her" because happy women have sexual desires AND SHOW IT!!