...but I can't stop thinking about her.

Then start thinking about asking her out! But be prepared for anything, even her saying "no thank you." I was in a band and a lot of guys asked me out, but I was in a relationship with the drummer. Therein lies the rub: she could be with someone in the band. Or not. But the only way you're gonna find out is to ask her.

The more you grow your fantasy girl the more impossible it'll be for you to speak to the real deal.

And, somewhat counterintuitively, the more you're trying to preserve your self-esteem (such as it is). According to the answer I wrote on an exam not four hours ago, people with low achievement motivation tend to choose tasks that are either extremely easy or extremely difficult. By turning the girl into the ideal woman who'd never want you, the more you can say that even if you did ask her out and get rejected, she was just too perfect to go out with you. Much easier than being rejected by a normal woman.

I do think it will help to realize you're protecting your ego (and we all do it in some form or another), because if you've any self-esteem at all, you'll realize how silly it is to attach such monumental consequences to asking a woman on a date.

"people with low achievement motivation tend to choose tasks that are either extremely easy or extremely difficult. By turning the girl into the ideal woman who'd never want you, the more you can say that even if you did ask her out and get rejected, she was just too perfect to go out with you. Much easier than being rejected by a normal woman."

I love this comment! It's thought-provoking and makes a lot of sense...really interesting.

I've been delighted and humbled by my interactions with this girl ...

Not sure what is meant by that. When I have heard of a guy getting "humbled" it has been usually been a rejection where she cuts him down to size..and always were she cuts him down to size.

Unless this has some fluffy meaning I don't get...asking her out is just asking to be rejected.

I also find that "humbled" bit pretty weird.

I had a 'fantasy girl' like this in high school - beautiful girl I had a big crush on. In my mind she was something of an angel. Never did muster the courage to ask her out, until we met up again about 15 years later (she contacted me on FB) and I finally got to know her a bit, and as it turns out, she wasn't even 'all that' ... literally a bit crazy and moody and not a very nice person, and physically had let herself go. I suppose it's sort of the equivalent of an imaginary friend, there is sort of some comfort and hope in the idea of 'what might be'. The higher the pedestal you place her on, the more difficult it will be to approach her, but I'm betting she's a lot more ordinary than you expect, and while realizing this might raise your chances, the irony is that even if you got what you want, it probably wouldn't be what you expect. I can sort of identify with the LW because I was like that nearly twenty years ago but I could never remotely be like that anymore, been around the block enough to live firmly in reality now.

Hey, LW, if you want, years from now, to pine about what might have been, that's pretty much up to you. But if you actually want to know this gal a little better, you'd best do something about it. Hell, you're in a coffee shop; buy her a latte or something! How hard could that be?

Lobster, I think a lot of guys were like you were back in the day. I know I was, although I did screw up courage enough to send a secret admirer Valentine to the girl I had a crush on. Worked like a charm, too, for a little while anyway.

"I'm not sure [sigh] why she'd want to go out [sigh] with me..."

I'm very sure why she wouldn't.

Speaking as someone who was "idealized" by the guys in high school - ASK HER OUT. If she says no, fine - not only have you not lost anything but now she knows you are interested and you'll know something about her as a real person. Totally a gain situation even with a rejection. It's amazing how many too-good-for-me women are sitting home on Friday night because no one but the self-centered jerks had/have the nerve to ask her out!

Ah, a real live Emo song.

"But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you..."

Don't sweat it, Fixated. The reality will never top your fantasy, anyway. After all, she might turn you down, and then what would you do? Or she might not like your friends, or the toppings you like on your pizza. And she probably hates hiking. But you'll never know, will you?

Have some more coffee.

"If you don't shoot for the moon, you'll never know what could be yours!"

Give it a shot. What on earth are you afraid of?

Amy, I take issue with your comment about him being "out of your league." Bad, Amy! Bad, bad, bad Amy!

You must never, never, never say that again.

To suggest that she's "out of his league," is to suggest that...whatever it is that makes this woman (supposedly) unattainable...is to suggest that he must now and forever regard women with the same -- whatever she's got that makes her supposedly unattainable -- as out of his league.

For instance, is she "out of his league" because she's too beautiful? Then you're suggesting that he must see all "too beautiful" women as "out of his league."

That just isn't true. There's probably a "too beautiful" woman out there that would go for him.

Is there a mate value calculator somewhere on the internet? Google didn't turn up anything useful. :)

Dear LW-are you sure she's not a sparkly vampire because you sound like one of those idiot teens pining for a make-believe non-human who won't have sex with you until you marry it.

Dear LW: are you sure she isn't a sparkly vampire because you sound like one of those silly teens pining for a make-believe non-human who won't have sex with you until you marry it.

sorry for the double post, I forgot to enter the answer in the box at first but it seems to have posted anyway.

thanks,you're the best, Ames.

@Patrick.. I agree. Just because there are lots of stupid "gorgeous" women who would rather date jerks, it doesn't mean that there aren't some awesome gorgeous girls just looking for a nice guy who makes her laugh. My fiance & I met for the first time about a month (very quickly) before we met for the second time and actually talked. He said later that the first time we met, he thought I was way too hot for him and that I would already have a boyfriend. Although, these may be the ramblings of a certain fiance trying to get out of trouble for not doing the laundry though! ;) So...give it a shot, you never know, you might end up marrying that person you thought wouldn't even give you a chance!