But, since casual sex isn't your thing, you should probably hold out until there seems to be an emotional attachment -- on both sides.

Hotblooded, I agree with Amy here. I think most guys around your age are going to be willing to wait, for a while anyway. I don't know how many other guys feel the way I do, but I actually like waiting (again, for a while...not for a long time) -- especially when I've been given some indication the sex is going to be great (e.g. the woman really knows how to kiss) -- because the anticipation is hot.

"But, sleep with a man before you know who he is and you could find yourself wearing lust goggles"

Amy! This is exactly the advice my eldery Japanese neighbor gave me. She said something along of the lines "It's not that I'm not modern, it's that you will get attached to a guy with lust and overlook his negatives"

By the third date though I do gotta check out a guys junk. Sorry, I know most women don't care but I'm equipped with half a gay mans brain in a womans body. I gotta see what you're packing and if I like it.

Purplepen you just about made me spit a half a can of monster on my keyboard. Gotta warn someone before you bust out a line like that. 'lol'

"...but I'm equipped with half a gay mans brain in a womans body. I gotta see what you're packing and if I like it."

Oh thank the gods! I thought I was the only one!! LOL!! Ppen, you made my day! And Amy, you're spot on, as usual. I've found I made my worse mistakes with guys after having had sex too soon. Waiting is better, even if you only wait until the 2nd or 3rd date.

I urge you to be careful and research more what you believe about Rush Limbaugh. He did not say the aspirin thing during the recent Fluke controversy. It was some Super-PAC billionaire.

Enjoy your columns a lot!

Oops. I have sent my own advice to me with a note to take it next time. I was wrong about the Limbaugh quote.

My husband and I totally 'did it' on the first date. Actually it was before the first date - he took me out for tacos a few days later. (In my defense, I did lay it out there after we did it that I was not interested in being one of his 'royal oats,' even if we did have obvious fantastic sexual chemistry.)

But I know ours is the exception to the rule, and I never advise my single friends to do what we did...
I just got lucky, on a couple of levels ;)

Where are these horny women? I sure as hell can't find them.

I am in my late forties and have been a serial monogamist for twenty years. It is very unlikely I will be revealing much about myself to anyone until after we have started sleeping together. I want to know if all that 'getting to know someone' effort is going to be worth the trouble from the start.

Yeah, Lori, I pretty much stalked my husband and threw myself at him on our first date. Basically everything Amy advises against. I would NEVER advise our daughter to do what I did, but it worked out for us. :)

Joe: College.

People who talk about "waiting" to have sex make me think of baking brownies: you put them in the oven and WAIT until they're ready. Don't touch them and don't look!

What do you mean here by "waiting" to have sex?
WAITING by the phone?
WAITING for her to get rid of her fnck-buddy?
In real life, waiting gets us nowhere! It takes serious interaction between two people in order for sex (not "sleep") to be the choice call.
Sheesh.

As a man in his forties, I can say that I don't think any less of a woman or treat her with any less respect if she puts out right away. When you reach our age, you understand that sex is fun and doesn't necessarily mean as much as a twenty year old thinks it does. It's a perfectly healthy recreational activity and, damn it, we all need it.

Want some dick? Have some dick.

It doesn't make you a "slut" or any other term designed to oppress women. Don't buy into to any of that nonsense that there is something wrong with a woman who enjoys sex.

I think the problem with having sex too quickly isn't that the guy necessarily will think worse of you, it is that he won't necessarily think more of you either. He's not going to be as blinded by oxytocin as you are likely to be.

So yeah, you might have sex and then you both hit it off and find you're soulmates, just like you might hit it off after a cup of coffee.

But you might have sex and find you're not so into each other. And women are more likely to cling on to the idea that you ARE into each other, and thus are more likely to get burned.

Nicole K is right, women are much more likely to think sex means more than men. I truly believe it is hard wired and add the oxytocin in to the cultural mix and women do not stand a chance.

Whistledick, I recently was in a group of women ages 30 to 68, we were kicking back in a back country camp having a few drinks on a chick trip, there were 18 of us. Someone asked the question what does sex mean to you? All but one woman said, if I have sex with a man it means commitment to me. Two younger women said they pretend it does not, but to them it means commitment too. They pretend because they know it does not mean commitment to most men. None of these women are what you would call conventional. All backpack, raft, hike, canyoneer, snowshoe and ski.

I do have a few female friends for whom having sex means as much as a hug does to most women. They are few and far between. Most of us love sex but we also know it means more to most of us than it means to most men.

Want some dick? Have some dick.

I can totally see that as a t-shirt

"Have some dick"

Horrible Jewish nana thought bubble:

"Go on, have some! I've been basting the dick all day. Have some!"

third or fourth date is a good time to go for sex. you already know if you can be compatible, and if it's present at all, the chemistry has had time to built up. if he thinks you're a slut then, good riddance! if the sex is good, he'll probably be back for more as long as you don't imply the "c" word. and you shouldn't. lust blindness is a dangerous condition.

How about after you've both been tested for STDs?