Well, not many women ask a man to take off his clothes, bend over, and then stick their fingers up his rectum...

True. When you find one, she's a keeper.

He said that she just is hot and that if she were ugly, he would've told me that instead.

I love it. Like he comes home and enumerates all the hot and ugly women he encountered that day. "I was served coffee by a 22-year-old Farrah Fawcett, Jenny at the office is looking so much better since her electrolysis and I got my dry cleaning from Fred Gwynne in drag." I assume he didn't want to say that if she had been ugly, he would have told you...that she still hit on him.

In all seriousness, Amy is spot on that if this is aberrant behavior, then it's definitely fixable. I'll add that, though it's impossible to tell from this letter, maybe he's feeling a bit overlooked lately. Some reassurance that you're still hot for him with your please-don't-list-all-the-women-that-want-you talk might go a long way. And back it up with the action(s) of your choice.

So, I suppose you have fixed all your bad ownn behaviors, leaving you this free time to notice and fix his?

"That's a good thing, because contrary to what women want to believe, pretty much all men are checking out all women at all times."

Yep. They do. And sometimes they make up nonsense in their heads to compensate for their own unease. Think about it: Boyfriend is getting his physical in front of a female doctor, who's most likely not thrilled at the sight of another embarassed dude standing in front of her in his underwear. Even without knowing what the boyfriend looked like, is it really all that likely the doctor was going to flirt with him? Maybe what he decided was flirting was her amusement at his nervousness. Hopefully he remembered to wear boxers that day. Tighty-whities would have been even more pathetic.

"... I got my dry cleaning from Fred Gwynne in drag." Ohhhh, thanks for the visual!

Spartee is right. He doesn't need "fixing". I can see where this, "God it took me years to train him properly", idea would wear on a man's nerves. I know that it is a long running joke amongst us women, but it really can be demeaning. LW just needs to tell him that she is uncomfortable with those kinds of stories. I am guessing he does this more often, bc no one in their right mind would write a letter based on this one experience. If he does do it often, she should just ask him point blank if something is missing in their relationship that he is trying to compensate for. Maybe she will find that he feels like she doesn't appreciate him enough, then SHE can change!! (That's for you Spartee!!)

I wouldn't tell my husband that another man had flirted with me (or I thought he did), and I sure wouldn't add that the other man was hot. Regardless of what your intentions are in saying something like that, the result can very easily be to make your partner wonder "Why is s/he telling me this? Is s/he trying to make me jealous? Is s/he comparing me to this hot new person?" Not a smart move.

If the boyfriend does this a lot (and I agree that this must have happened more than once, for the LW to have written to Amy about it) then it's time to find out what he's hoping to accomplish. Maybe he's not a nice guy and he wants the LW to feel insecure. Maybe he suffers from motormouth. (This is brilliant: "Most people get that merely having a thought isn't reason to release it and let it bound around like a puppy.") Maybe he was nervous about the doctor's appointment, and reacted by babbling. Maybe there's something he thinks is lacking in their relationship. It's time to find out.

My ex was sure every woman who talked to him was flirting with him. Often I was standing right there and I can say, no they were not, they were being cordial, and social but they were not hitting on him. Frankly him thinking they were hitting on him did not bother me. Even when they were hitting on him, it did not bother me.

About the LW, it is time to stop getting angry and have a talk with your man. Men and women are different and it is very possible he thinks he needs more attention from you and this is his way of asking. It could be he is freaked out about having a female doctor. You know when I found a female OBGYN I liked, I changed as fast as I could. I am much more relaxed during exams.

The thing to remember before you have the talk with him. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! This is about him so put away your judgement, your hurt feelings, and the fact he actually checked out another woman because men do that each and every day when they encounter women. It is hard wired and automatic.

This reminds me of a guy I worked with who had an unbelievably jealous wife. One day we went to lunch and a girl, who wasn't remotely interested in him, forgot her jacket in the car. His wife went nuts.

We thought about buying some panties and tossing them under his front seat, but couldn't bring ourselves to be that cruel.

* * *

My ex used to claim that me looking at other women didn't bother her at all, but then would go ballistic if I looked at even an advertisement with an attractive women in her twenties, but then she'd turn around and ask me about a contestant on a Miss Teen USA pageant "do you think she's pretty." Dealing with crazy can drive you crazy.

Incidentally, I'm thinking of hiring a girl in her late teens to pretend she's my girlfriend for a few weeks, but I'm not sure I want my kids to put up with her ranting for hours about it.

I was once Stage Manager (a position I will never take again if I live to be 1000) for a play called "The Misanthrope," by French playwright, Jean Baptiste de Pocquelin (aka Moliere). The Misanthrope is supposedly about excessive truthfulness.

But one thing I've noticed about this theme, wherever it's brought up -- from either period comedies or sitcoms -- is that no one seems to understand the difference between truthfulness and outspokenness.

It is not a compromise of integrity to avoid sharing every sordid detail of your life. Being honest does not require you to inject your opinion into everything you happen to overhear.

With that, Mr. Spiteful could have avoided sharing the details of his hot encounter with his doctor (if he's even telling the truth, which I doubt) and not be branded dishonest for it.

He wasn't being honest in sharing this; he was being borderline sadistic.

It sounds like a mindless, stupid comment. Unless he does that sort of thing often, I would let it go. He's marketing himself. "Other women find me attractive! I'm a hot item." Doesn't matter whether it's true.

So, I suppose you have fixed all your bad ownn behaviors, leaving you this free time to notice and fix his?

So unless she's perfect she doesn't have the right to be hurt by his behavior? If we applied that advice across the board, nobody should ever write to an advice columnist for anything or complain about anything, ever.

Hilariously horrible

OMFG, JD

I always wonder who in the hell are in these peoples lives and why they wont tell their freinds they have no talent

J.D., I watched it...and I feel like I should sue you for something.

Husband: This hot chick was hitting on me at the grocery store today.
Me: You should've brought her home. Do you think she likes to clean?

My office computer won't let me follow JD's link.

Funny ahw. I once cracked to my ex-hubby that I was gonna get a boyfriend.

His response? Make sure he buys you jewelry.

He may have been checking to see if she was open to being a swinger. She's obviously not. Maybe they should both move on.

Heh, the woman is singing about not letting her man enjoy the view, while prancing around a room full of cowboy eyecandy. Yeah, that'll set them straight, sing it, sister!
*snort*
I had a conversation with one of the other Airforce wives at an event once, her husband is a ju-jitsu instructer and refereed a fight at his gym, and one of the sponsors, a strip club, provided the girls to walk around wth the round # cards. She watched him like a hawk the whole time to make sure he didn't even glance at the girls. My hubby was sitting right next to me, and I can't tell you if he looked or not because I was talking to my friend on the other side of me. AF Wife said she would kill her hubby if he even looked at another woman. I said "Why? He married you, but he's not dead. So what if he's noticing a cute girl now and then, he's a great guy and would never act on it. Just as I trust my hubby, and don't sweat the silly stuff. You gotta let your man be male."
I have been cheated on in the past, and it involved a great deal more than his glancing at an occasional bit of eyecandy, so I do know the difference. I just didn't let that experience turn me into an uber clingy jealous crazy woman. Instead, I learned to judge character better so that I knew who to trust.

Ok, so you're all going to think this is ridiculous, but not ALL men sit around checking out women. Quite frankly, my girlfriend and partner is the hottest woman I can ever imagine, so there's really no point in checking out anyone else! In fact, the comparisons were done by most OTHER people: her friends, my friends, etc. And it wasn't some stereotypical, male gawking female characteristic that first attracted me, it was her smile, THEN I checked out the rest and got the OMG reaction. Yes, for the most part men are visual and women are emotional in their view of attraction, however, I don't for one second believe that women aren't guilty of checking out men. They are just better at disguising it... so the real issue here is, men reveal the truth and "let it bound around like a puppy" with or without verbalization - it's the jaw dropping, drooling and general stupidity that usually gets in our way. The guy described above, well - he's just an a$$. And, I'm actually quite sure what he said about said doctor is plausible having seen, heard and read many posts by people in the medical field doing just that - checking out the junk, the rack, the downbelows, etc. I think THAT'S the bigger issue. And if you think your doctor or medical "professional", of the opposite sex, isn't checking you out, gawking or making comments to people about you, you've got it wrong. In fact, at times, like in surgery, they even have an audience!