It's precisely this woman who will probably be the last straw in my eleven-year relationship.

Mine is a totally ninny; prances around him like he's Zeus on his magic cloud, and HE DOES NOT SEE IT (he says).

Like hell.

Sorry, this nail hit a little to close to the head. But yeah, lady, RUN.

All women are inherently evil. Even the ones that don't seem so at first. If she seems to be inherently evil at the get go, it will only get worse.

Don't go into business with this person.

(For the record, I don't actually think all women are inherently evil -- sort of.)

All people can tend towards evil. Including women.

As a dear (male) friend of mine used to say: "Men are scumbags, but women are treacherous."

LW, RUN. As far and as fast as you can from this self-absorbed, conniving little snake. And get your husband away from her, if it's not already too late. (Methinks it is, just from what you wrote. I pray I'm wrong.)

My first thought is anyone I have known only a year could never be my friend. Someone I know, sure, but friend? Pffft.

Starting from that base, it is no suprise that when the free-spirit gal was jacking up other people's lives with her antics, the free-spirit gal was the letterwriter's "friend."

But now it is the letterwriter's turn to get jacked--and with this gal's sort, it will be everyone's turn eventually--and letterwriter is now getting indignant and judgmental about the gal's activity.

Apparently letterwiter only holds the gal to standards of behavior when they benefit letterwriter or protect what letterwriter feels is hers. (In this case, her husband.)

Seems to me like the letterwriter and the gal are a match. They only concern themselves with what they want. Other people don't really rate, and there is no need to eschew relationships with poorly-behaving people.

This "friendship" will end in screaming and tears, of course. All the gal's friendships end that way. My advice would be next time you label someone a "friend", consider deeply how they treat other people close to them. Because it will be your turn eventually. If they are loving, loyal and kind to the people close to them, you should expect similar treatment.

If they are deceitful, untrustworthy, and careless towards people close to them, again, you should expect similar treatment.

The partner is probably one of those women who has no women friends and who always complains that other women hate her, and that women can't be trusted.

It doesn't sound like the husband is encouraging this, but I would expect my husband to actively and strongly DIScourage this, even to the point of telling hippie girl privately, "Don't put your hands on me; I'm not interested in you that way."

Go into business with this person. You can trust them with your money. Their word is their bond.

I'd move far away and get an unlisted phone number, but people think I'm not trusting enough. Go ahead, this won't cost you much, you can always start another business and get another husband. I won't even say I told you so.

I rather like your description of narcissism. I once had to write something about it as part of a paper I wrote.

After reading the description in the DSM-IV-TR, I concluded that narcissists simply see themselves as special, who deserve to be surrounded by other special people, and their deeds are special … if they concede that anyone could be as special as them.

Their willingness to exploit stems from this. Other people aren't "special" like them, therefore they should be used to serve the needs of the special.

If this free spirit is indeed narcissistic, any objection from LW about her conduct toward LW's husband would be regarded with dismissal, if not mild amusement. "Who the hell are you to tell me who I can and can't hit on?"

For this reason, hubkins needs to step up and tell free-spirit to keep her hands (and lips and any other amorous parts) to herself. Granted, she'd probably regard his wants with the same disregard, but she would probably just move on to more compliant playthings.

The partner is probably one of those women who has no women friends and who always complains that other women hate her, and that women can't be trusted.

YES. This is always a giant, waving, red flag. Sure, it's one thing to have more male friends than female friends. Nothing too crazy there. But the women who make a big deal over the fact that they have "Guy friends," and who constantly say "other women don't like me/feel threatened by me/don't understand me" -- those are the crazies that must be avoided.

The LW's friend seems pretty starved for attention. She seems annoying.

"If this free spirit is indeed narcissistic, any objection from LW about her conduct toward LW's husband would be regarded with dismissal, if not mild amusement. "Who the hell are you to tell me who I can and can't hit on?""

She will spin it as, "Your ego can't handle having a beautiful woman around."

"You must not trust your husband."

"It's not my fault he's more attracted to me than to you."

Patricks helpful synthesis of the DSM IV makes me think that the narcissist free spirit has potential as a business person. Steve Jobs certainly thought of himself as special and then went out and proved it. But you have to break a lot of backs to be successful. And blow through a lot of money. So be sure it's not your back or cash. Offer to buy the first few shares she legally puts up for sale as a hedge against potential breakout growth. But only gamble what you can afford to lose and don't agree to manage the day to day operations of such a crazy cat. Send your husband on a six month fact finding mission to upper lower afmahanajankastan while this deal sorts itself out

I knew someone like this. Same kind of behavior, and the descriptors of "narcissistic personality disorder" fit to a tee. One or two odd moments you might dismiss at first, and then the patterns emerge and it simply becomes undeniable.

You need to give this little free spirit the boot, just like (and you can be very, very assured of this) many, many, MANY people have done before. Narcissists never see that the common denominator in all of these cases is themselves. No matter how many people they have alienated, it was never their own behavior at fault.

To be sure, she'll freak completely out and probably cause a scene, blaming you for being mean to her. Just ignore it. It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, you get to pick your own friends.

But dodge the bullet sooner rather than later. It will only get worse.

Nicole: All people can tend towards evil. Including women.

I don't know about evil but I'd say that all people tend towards being self-centered. After all, that's how we start life: it's all about us. We have no clue there are others in the world (except, of course, for Mom...and to a lesser extent, Dad.) Eventually, we become aware of others and realize that it's not all about us. But some people, unfortunately, never acquire that understanding and they sort of become stuck in perpetual childhood.

"Mine is a totally ninny; prances around him like he's Zeus on his magic cloud, and HE DOES NOT SEE IT (he says)."

It's possible that he actually doesn't. It's kind of a running joke between my wife and I when a woman hits on me, because half the time I not only don't notice, but I don't even remember having any contact with the woman. It's only when it's pointed out to me that I realize what happened.

To keep with the cows metaphore.
As the person whose property the boundaryless cow has wandered into andd started graising. it is well within your rights to guide the cow back onto it's own fields with a cattleprod. 10,000 volts applied to the postierior is quite a motivator.

How is this woman still friends with "free spirit" after all she knows of her history and behavior. I suspect the OP might be a touch psycho herself. Ya maybe brushing aside an affair. Yet brushing aside side-boyfriends during another relationship, engaged to be married, and married is too forgiving.

When I hear of people's bad behavior who are friends. I do judge. For example I was confused of why a couple I knew who where going to get married broke up. Never heard the reason and always treated both fine. But when I found out the girl had cheated on her finance with a couple of people, it change my attitude towards her. She proved herself as untrustworthy. So I stopped associating as much with her.

Really are you surprised by this.

Dear Amy...
My friend has admitted to killing cats for fun. He has told me of the cat he poisoned with antifreeze. The cats he has run over in his car. I once even saw him hit a cat and start to laugh.

Recently my beloved Mr Mittens has been found dead. She was found choked with a rope in my living room. I think my friend has killed my cat. He was at my place when it happened.

I am so shocked of this. I can not believe my friend who kill my cat. What should I do?

Dee Niles

Another point...

If you friend has done what she has done to people she LOVES.

What do you think she will do for a person she LIKES?

What makes you more special then a boyfriend, a finance, and a husband.

Yeah...run. Also, husband should shut her down, as loudly and publicly as she has tried to get into his pants. Reassuring wife privately while allowing it publicly is not okay, in my so-very-humble opinion.

Original Kit, I have to somewhat disagree, since this person is the wifes friend and buisness partner, the public shut down should come from her or the two of them. Since the wife is apparenty welcoming this woman into a buisness partnership knowing full well her lack of boundaries. By being friend with her and inviting a future buisness partnership, she and not he is twho should be the responsible party.

First - This woman is not your friend quit thinking of her as your friend. A friend would not hit on your husband.

Second - You say you are planning a business together. WHY? Do you really need her as a business partner? You have seen how she treats her personal partners, do you really think she would treat her business partners any better?

Yes confront her about the way she treats your husband. He is YOUR husband, and she is crossing big boundaries. Your husband needs to remove her hands and lips from touching him and tell her firmly to stop. Him telling her privately will not work, she will dismiss what he says and continue, and she will accuse both of you of being too sensitive.

Run do not walk away from any relationship with this woman.