I would say she's not parent material if she really believes that who the father is doesn't matter.

This woman obviously has a severe case of the baby rabies. Unless you're sure you want children with her in the near future GET THE HELL OUT RIGHT NOW!

It's a very small step from: 'I want kids soon!!'

To: "I forgot to tell you I stopped taking my birth control pills. I found out I'm pregnant. I'm having it and I'm keeping it, no matter what you say."

Trust me I know from experience. Also do you really think she'd rather conceive a child with a stranger who may be a deadbeat and unable to pay child support? Or would she rather have a biological father that she knows is financially stable, and a prime candidate to be her ATM / occasional babysitter? This woman is a ticking time bomb. Run like hell while you still can and let her destroy someone else's life.

Listen to that little voice that drove you to write your letter, thank her for her honesty (or whatever) and get the hell far away from her! And when she says she was just joking, don't believe her.

Wow, LW. I'm sorry!

Her answer: "Preferably a friend, but it doesn't really matter."

Now, I'm not telling you to leave, but seriously, you need to HEAR this and think about it. Then leave.

Again, I'm sorry. If you really love her, you might try to stay and make it work. Personally, I don't recommend it. Someone who has so little regard for your feelings isn't someone who's going to be a caring, loving partner in the long run. She sounds like she's beyond selfish.

..." passionately in love with a 24-year-old woman I just started dating."

Yeah, I quit reading there.

RUN.

Yes, kudos to her for being honest, but use your head here, LW. This a disaster in the making. In 2 years she will be pregnant, in 3 you will be on Maury to find out who the father of that baby is.

LW, you should stay. If you like the idea of being on the hook for child support for a kid who isn't yours.

The LW says: "I'm 27 and passionately in love with a 24-year-old woman I just started dating."

Like David above, I'm not sure "passionately in love" and "just started dating" are phrases that work well together. "Deeply attracted to?" Sure. "Infatuated with?" Of course. But I wonder if those feelings aren't clouding his judgment just a little. The girl may or may not be into him, but that doesn't matter compared to how much she's into having a baby in a hurry. She's got her priorities in the wrong order, and he'd be better off getting out of the way.

I don't get this. She doesn't even care who the father is? Is being a mother such an overriding obsession that she doesn't even care if her kid has two concerned parents?

She sounds pretty selfish to me.

Well said Patrick, very selfish, it's her way or her way. Unfortunately an all too common mindset.

At least she warned you. With a big red flashing sign.

Also, people, LW's chick is all of 24 years old. She may be less delusional in 10 years...not that he should hang around waiting for that. I just find it noteworthy that a 24-year-old has her mind all made up...she still has a lot of living to do! Or not - she could sign up for motherhood at 26 and be done.

Now Amy, you've established conclusively that fathers are irrelevant to a child's well-being...

No?

Or she could find another mother for her child. But she seems intent on a father.

> Crid, research shows

Oh, that is so full of shit.

You don't give a flying fuck about children. Your ENTIRE concern is to be a fully Modern Millie for the gays.

Puh-LEEEZE.

"Research"

Yay! The gays win again!

(dances around, vogueing at random)

Crid, if it werent for 'research' man kind would be just another group of mindlessapes a few hunndered thousand strong.

Research gave you a computer, research gave you a car, research gave you damn near everything yu see touch and eat. If you dont want to avail your self of it might I suugest you eschew all the fruits of reseach?

And once again, vehemence replaces facts in Crid's mind. He wants it to be true, therefore it is true, and facts be damned.

And if that doesn't work, he can always devolve into his usual demagoguery. "You're saying a mother's love means NOTHING!"

Blabbity-blah-blah.

Evil approach: Get one of those reversible vasectomies, where they install a tiny valve. That way, when you want to have kids, you can have the doc turn the sperm-spigot back on.

Don't tell her you got the procedure. Tell her you do not want kids right now.

Drop the topic. Then see if a pregnancy ensues in the time between now and when you decide to turn the spigot back on. Wouldn't *that* make for an awkward moment, as you explain to her how the kid cannot be yours.

Non-evil approach: "Say, dear, when you said that thing about me or someone else in 2 years, what did you mean...?"

I think the evil approach would be more interesting, but that does not make it the wiser approach.

Wouldn't *that* make for an awkward moment, as you explain to her how the kid cannot be yours.

Probably not. I can see her saying, "I DID tell you I'd find another sperm donor in 2 years if you hadn't knocked me up by then. It must be Bob the mechanic's kid." And then he has to go through all the hassle of proving he's not the baby daddy. More trouble than it's worth.

RUN!

Because she has shown that she does not take anyone else's feelings into account about this issue, I think it is time for you to stop thinking with your penis and start thinking with your head.

You say you are passionately in love with this young woman you just started dating. If I may be so bold, it sounds like you like her and are totally in LUST! LUST is a wonderful thing but it tends to cloud the sensible part of the brain that is screaming at you to slow down and think.

Now that you have had time to think about what she said, and think about what you want, don't you think it is time to have a talk about this? This is not a difference in opinion here, this is something that will impact every facet of your life. I am a woman who has raised 3 children and the emotional and financial costs are huge. In my mind they were worth it but I WANTED children and I knew I did, and I had a partner who wanted children too.

Let's say you continue with this woman, and you are still passionately in love and in fact even deeper in love yet you still do not want to have a child. You have ignored her words for 2 years, so now the woman you love is going to get pregnant, how are you going to feel about that? Do not think you can talk her out of this or that she will change her mind.

Do not discount those who say she will "accidentally" quit taking her birth control for several months, this girl has her eye on the prize (a baby) and there are those women who do not worry about the ethics of getting pregnant without consulting their partner. It is a bit like when a guy is really, really, in lust with a woman and will do and say anything to get in her pants. So keep that in mind and take responsibility for your on contraception. Condoms work quite well if used consistently and correctly.

What would I do? I would run, run fast, run long, and screaming into the night.

A woman that does not care who fathers her child should not have a child.

Her words, if they are as described, could only be said if she doesn't consider a father to be a necessary part of her child's upbringing.

She's honest, I'll give her that. But beyond that, I'd give her nothing.

Whatever the LW feels for her, well its clear she does not feel it for him.