Funny, filipinos and Indians (country, not native) are the two bottom ethnicities for me, in attractiveness. But, you like who you like. I always went for nerdy white guys, till DH. But you can't count on people switching like that. She needs to move on. He *might* see what he wanted all along once she's dating others, but probably not. And even if he did, SHE might have moved on by then. So she really, really needs to get out there.

The version of the letter that we see here doesn't mention if the guy is Filipino himself. Since he's just now learning Tagalog, I'm guessing that the answer is no. Anyway, doesn't this whole set-up, especially when one considers the age thing, come off as a bit creepy and weird? It sounds like the guy is love with a fantasy, and is probably not the best relationship material in the first place.

My husband and I look nothing like our fantasy figures. He has a thing for women like Lucy Liu and I go for, well, think Richard Chamberlain in the Count of Monte Cristo, or Shogun. And straight.

In actuality, here we are in our late fifties, looking like the couple on the Gnomes book (I swear to gawd I want to make the costumes some day) and quite happy with each other, after twenty-two years together (something like twenty-two, he's a lot better about the numbers than I am).

And fantasies are fine. But this guy? Honey, he actually makes the trip! Twice a year! Fuggedaboutit.

By the way, I know a couple of guys who married women from the Phillipines. I guess he realizes it's not just a matter of learning the language, which may be why it hasn't worked out for him yet.

Sweetest Filipina

So I was checking my spelling, and the browser sent it to Bing, and this is how we learn than what we're talking about is apparently a very dense thicket of fantasy for a lot of people. A lot of people.

Why does he need to go to the Philippines? The Philippines are already right here. Does he think the apple is freshest straight from the tree? Philippine women hate American white males, they love to fool us into marrying them.

I've encountered several men who have a thing for Filipinas.

I recall a Filipina co-worker several years and a few companies ago. She had gotten with her (white)professor in college, and they'd been together for years. She was smart, model gorgeous, and always dressed to kill.

I nearly died when I found out that her sister, who lived in the Phillipines, was considered "the pretty one" in the family. She was an artist who modeled on the side.

Crid, that video sent me into a seizure of "Awwww!"

Regarding the LW's dilemma -- I'll bet lots of folks have stories like that. I remember the best friend I had in high school. We'd talk for hours on the phone, about everything we had in common, which was a lot. Except for the attraction part -- she liked guys who were older, and more artsy than I was. But that was that, and there was nothing I could do about it, except attend her wedding, which I did. Because of that, I'd suggest to LW that carrying a torch for this guy is probably a waste of time.

As for Filipinas -- I can understand the attraction. I've been married to one for more than 17 years.

It sounds like the guy is love with a fantasy, and is probably not the best relationship material in the first place.

I have to agree with Icarus. Time for you to move on, LW, and find someone who's into women like you.

His preferences are not going to go away, LW, especially when they are so important to him that he is learning another language! Be grateful that he is not hiding it or trying to lure you into a relationship with him.

Find someone else and save yourself the future heartache of pushing this guy into a relationship with you and coming home to find him in bed with a Filipina. It will happen.

By the way, on this site, right this minute, there's an ad for a dating web site called "ChineseKisses.com," picturing an impressive-looking Asian woman in a short silk dress. Just beneath it is a tiny little two-line ad telling the reader "How to get pregnant fast at ConceiveEasy."

Context-sensitive advertising at its best!

I once had the experience of crushing on someone who seemed PERFECT for me in every way. Strangers would remark on our apparent sexual chemistry. But despite him telling me what a hottie I was and how I was the only woman he could talk to, he obviously wasn't that into me. So I stuck around and listened to him complain about the girls he wanted who didn't want him, and eventually I woke up and I cut off the friendship.

You can't talk someone into wanting you. If there's ANY chance of triggering desire in someone who sees you as just a friend, it probably lies in withdrawing your emotional support and moving on with another person. My unrequited crush did "come around" at that point, but by then I saw a relationship with him as bleak prospect. And I saw myself as his back burner girl.

That Vanessa Williams song is just a song.

Amy, were you at all tempted to incorporate "Manila" into that headline?

And what do we call a Filipino contortionist?

Wait wait, don't tell me.

Aw heck.... Turns out the youtube notes say she's Malaysian!

I would have to agree with other commenters who pointed out that he is travelling to another country twice a year and learning a new language to help him get his dream woman, so I would advise her not to waste any more time pining away for this guy.

It may be too painful to keep this guy as a friend so maybe allow the friendship to fade out. Then focus on finding someone who appreciates you.

One of my favorite singers, Bonnie Raitt, has a song I love that was recently excellently covered by Adele: "I Can't Make You Love Me".. please give it a listen. If you push this guy into trying to have a romantic relationship with you, I predict you will be living the lyrics to this song.

"Wait wait, don't tell me."

Aw heck, now I remember!

I remember somebody telling me that one when I was a kid. I needed it explained.

What Icarus said.

I agree with everything that Amy said...except for the lily of the valley part. They actually kinda smell like ass :)

Filipinas are considered the bottom of the barrel in Asian countries in terms of looks. This is partly due to their skin color.

White girls (blonde with blue eyes) are the ultimate fetish. Asians have a weird weird obsession for you pale blondies out there. Japanese are #1 and Korean girls are #2. There is this whole ranking thing Asians have....and Filipinos? They often are the ones ending up doing the sex work, house cleaning, etc.

I've never been there so I can not tell you on the attractiveness of the females in the Filipines but I've had discussions with friends on this topic. White guys have this thing of going to all these different countries because they have a fetish for certain women. You don't even know how many I've encountered. And the creepiest? The ones really into Thais, Filipinas and Japanese.

Notice they do not date Asian American females but have to go straight to the country of origin. I think they want a foreign woman without American values.

" he is learning to speak Tagalog and travels to the Philippines twice a year but has yet to have anything work out."

And yeah this guy doesn't sound like some great guy. I guess I've come across too many creepy white guys going to Asia to meet women. Someone else pointed out, why go abroad? Tons of Filipinas in the U.S.

Dunno at 37 maybe this woman is a little desperate? Friendzoned is something you put up with when you are young no?

"Someone else pointed out, why go abroad? Tons of Filipinas in the U.S"

When worried about rotten apples you pick from the tree not the barrel. Part of it which the original poster may not know or want to know is he very well could be after someone who is not Americanized or feminized.
Was at a wedding recently and overheard the Mother of the bride and an Aunt talking about what they would change in the brides next wedding, including who they saw as the next groom. It's a mindset with some people, divorce early and often.

If this man is crystal clear about why he is specifically attracted to Filipina women, if this is the best way to satisfy whatever his desire is, and exactly what he hopes to get from the relationship - and he can find a Filipina woman who is fine with all that and ready and willing to give it to him - then good luck to them.

In my experience, men specifically looking for Asian brides (as opposed to those who happen to fall in love with women who happen to be Asian) may want someone who (they think) will appreciate them more than a Western woman. There's nothing wrong with that. Who doesn't want to be appreciated?

On the other hand, they may want someone who (they think) will be subservient and easy to push around. The fact that this man also wants a woman half his age adds to the impression that this may be the case. (And if some day he thinks he's found some sweet subservient young thing, boy may he be in for a big and well-deserved shock.)

Either way, it's past time for the LW to find a man who would cross an ocean looking for HER.

...it's a play on Thrilla In Manilla

I got that, and loved it. (Same, by the way, for "We'll Always Have Parasites.")

Now you're going to have to come up with a title riffing on The Rumble In The Jungle.

rm: "Either way, it's past time for the LW to find a man who would cross an ocean looking for HER."

I love this.

Woohoo! Sidebar ad for Filipinocupid - dot - com for the win!

37 and the woman in the OP wants a guy her age to marry her...

Presuming he wants children, here is what she offers him:

Let's see, he's very likely still fully fertile, with easily a decade or two in which to still have children. Meanwhile, she's all but age-barren, with horridly increased odds (over a woman under age 25) if she DOES conceive of miscarrying or birthing a baby with Downs Syndrome or whatnot.

Throw in that she has probably over 20 years of riding the c*ck carousel (remember that if a woman has so much as TWO premarital partners besides her husband, odds are worse than even that she will eventually divorce him), and she thinks she is marriage material??

I predict that he knows all this, at least implicitly, and is just trying to spare her feelings by claiming a Filipina fetish.

I agree, this guy is not for you.

Having said that, you totally can reprogram who you're attracted to. This is how you do it:

You start fantasizing about sex with them. In the beginning there will be the disgust factor, which you can use for thrills. After a while, you'll be attracted to them.

It might be easier to use this method on someone truly disgusting rather than just blah.

Having said THAT, yeah but I didn't *marry* someone I used this on.

Luke, where's that sex partners and divorce stat from?

LW, Find yourself a new best friend. Why? You are not looking at this man as a friend, you are looking at him as your future husband. Gee if he would only get rid of that pesky Filipina fetish. You fill up his time between his sex trips to the Philippines. His ideal is around 5 feet tall and barely out of puberty. His ideal sex partner is not you, his ideal sex partner has not had time to fully grow into herself, she is not having lively conversations with him. This is not you.

Start to involve yourself with other people. He is taking up your time and emotional depth without giving much back and then he goes and spends his intimate time on extremely young women who look like children do in our country.

Join clubs with your interests, then if you can join a few that will expand your comfort zone a bit. This friend is too comfortable for you, and it is hard to draw away from but you need to for yourself. Look up Meet-ups on the internet there are meetups for all kinds of interests. It is time to spend your emotional energy with people who can give some back to you. Not with someone who is going to take all he can and then go spend his in another country.

There is some truth to what you say Luke, but I really doubt the last part. If he's going to all the trouble of learning another language and traveling to the region, he's pretty serious about what he wants.

I'm not sure what is "creepy" to women about this whole thing though.

Sure, I get that his age is notably greater. But lets think about this:

A young woman is at her peak years of fertility, while at the same time a young man is at his lowest point in prosperity.

A man some years her senior has, presumably at least, amassed a reasonable level of resources, and can provide the best possible advantage for any children he has with someone.

That is what you call win/win.

...But wait...he's older...

And? Well...he's older...

"Creepy" seems to be very commonly used as a word women use to describe something they don't like about a man without an actual reason. I say "a man" because I've NEVER heard a woman describe "cougars" as creepy. Or for that matter, anything a woman does...whole different vocabulary there for woman to woman animosity it seems.

The cold hard truth though, is that what a man finds sexy in a woman is not really going to change much from 13 to 130. A man's porn collection does not age with him, the 20 year old man watching 20 year old lesbians on the internet does not age up to 90 year old lesbians when he's 90. He's still watching 20 year olds.

Honestly, I have a dim view of this particular LW, though not perhaps as harsh as some, I think she is seriously unrealistic about things.

Best quote ever for this though, is to find someone who would cross an ocean for her. Whoever said that, well done!