Schlong Story Short
Thanks to recent medical issues, my husband of 10 years can no longer get an erection, and our sex life has dried up. Sitting side by side on the couch watching the Food Network is, no doubt, a marvelous way to spend an evening; it's just that we thought those kinds of evenings were a bit further down the road for us. No offense, but writing you this has been the most romantic thing we've done as a couple in quite some time. Help!
--Prematurely Old
So, his penis refuses to stand up anymore: "Is that a piece of lasagna in your pocket...?" As devastating as this may seem, it's no reason to have a funeral for your entire sex life. (If your stove broke, would you stop eating?)
Chances are, your retirement from sex has less to do with recent penile developments than believing that the only "real" sex is the hot dog into the Lincoln Tunnel variety. Sex therapist Dr. Marty Klein points out in Sexual Intelligence
Because physical intimacy is pretty essential for maintaining emotional intimacy, thinking this way can be relationship-wrecking. Turn off the TV and start making out and doing the kajillion sex things that don't require perfectly functioning hydraulics. Watching Paula Deen re-enact "Last Tango in Paris" with a pork chop has its merits, but exploring Klein's advice -- that "there isn't any part of your body that can't be erotically charged" -- should prove far sexier and a lot less likely to give you diabetes.
Besides oral sex and a good ol' fingering.... there are lots of other ways her and her hubby can still get it on. Time to visit ye ol' sex toy shop! Dildos, vibrators, and strap on's are a good way for them to get that skin on skin contact if that's what she craves and he may even get a little pleasure from it too. And, who knows what other ways LW and hubby can learn to pleasure each other now. All you need is an open mind and a willingness to have some fun.
Sabrina at November 20, 2012 8:55 AM
"Watching Paula Deen re-enact 'Last Tango in Paris' with a pork chop has its merits ..."
No. No, it doesn't.
Old RPM Daddy at November 20, 2012 2:15 PM
Barring an overeager proctolagist who cut some wires while digging for cancer getting some action should not be an insurmountable problem
lujlp at November 20, 2012 4:12 PM
If you can't cut the mustard, you can still lick the jar.
Anotherone at November 20, 2012 6:00 PM
But-but-but... I'm 58 and I STILL rate my style the same as when I was 30!
Too bad, most women I meet equate their gratification by what's on the Food Network...
jefe at November 20, 2012 6:35 PM
If you can't cut the mustard, you can still lick the jar.
BWAHAHAHAHA!! OMG!! How awesome!! And oh, how true!! LOL!
Flynne at November 20, 2012 7:14 PM
Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in.
Tommy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole.
The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy.
Tommy said "Grandpa I can't keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that."
Grandpa said "No, you keep it."
The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy and gave him another 10 bucks.
Tommy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me."
Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma."
Red at November 21, 2012 12:06 AM
Hello,
Viagra.
There are inections.
See a prostate surgeon for solutions.
And skip the snark.
Paul A'Barge at November 22, 2012 9:38 AM
Just recently read a great book about sex that doesn't involve orgasm, and often doesn't even involve erections ... you might want to check it out.
Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, by Marnia Robinson
The website has a lot of great info too:
http://www.reuniting.info/
Angel at November 23, 2012 6:24 PM
"If your stove broke, would you stop eating?"
OMG! My first thought in response to that was "Of course not, I'd go for takeout!"
I'm sure that's not the advice to give the couple. :p
I definitely agree that a visit to the sex shop is a must. LOTS of stuff to play with to keep things interesting for them both.
Evil Empryss at November 25, 2012 6:21 PM
Given this woman's passive approach to their sex life, I'm thinking that maybe things weren't great to start with. Maybe he just isn't interested in her anymore, and this gives him a convenient excuse to avoid having to deal with a lazy, entitled, couch-potato wife. Just an alternate view...
bkmale at November 28, 2012 9:20 AM
Ouch. A little too close to home, this one.
I really feel for this person. It sucks to think about all the blow jobs and acrobatics I've performed to help my man get the best orgasm during the years with rarely an orgasm for me (he's ADD and in the past had super premature ejaculation). Now I discover the man I thought was sweet is really selfish, unwilling to do something for me if he can't get off. Ah well, after the first 2 decades together, I just started masturbating more regularly to keep the frustration from making me grouchy.
Note to the jerk @bkmale, I'm anything but lazy bringing home at least 50% of the bacon, doing the housework, and looking pretty good if not glamorously feminine, at least I'm athletic.
Lt. Uhura at November 29, 2012 5:04 PM
@Lt. Uhura:
As to my opinion of the LW, based on what I read she blamed all her problems on her husband's ED, with no mention of any action she had taken during this difficult time to help, and no hint that she had any responsibility or accountability for the quality of their sex life. If she had put in even a little of the efforts you did in your situation, things could go differently for her. In my experience a current attitude is a good predictor of previous attitude, seems pretty lazy and selfish to me. If callin' 'em as I sees 'em make me a jerk, I can easily live with that.
As to your situation, I'm sorry to hear that your relationship hasn't worked for you. I agree that it very much sucks be very Good/Game/Giving and not get the same consideration in return, I have been there myself too. I hope you find what you need going forward.
bkmale at December 2, 2012 9:55 AM
^What bkm said.
@LtU, sounds like you need a new stove.
DaveG at December 7, 2012 8:43 AM
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