be sure you wouldn't eventually feel compelled to bully him

Now, now, it's "if he REALLY LOVED HER, he'd CHANGE"...

(Men marry women, expecting them never to change, and they do.
Women marry men, expecting to change them, and they never do.)

This guy will be more your speed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQUUFg6p0aE

Back when I was in college (longer ago than I care to admit) I had a blind date with a young lady I'd "met" over the computer system (yes, we did that pre-WWW). We met in Manhattan, found a little place for lunch, sat down, ordered drinks and started looking over the menu. Then she said "I'm vegetarian, and I hate the smell of meat, so I hope you're not planning on having meat for lunch." I replied "This isn't going to work", paid for the drinks, and left. Shortest date of my life, but I am NOT going to spend time with a woman who begins our "relationship" by telling me what I can't eat.

So LW, if meat grosses you out, give this one a miss. If you're going to try bullying him, do it early so he can bail out early.

Vegs and omnis can get along in a relationship, but it sounds like he's more of a carni than an omni.

I agree with Amy - it's all about what her stance for vegetarianism. I have friends who are very tolerant of my meat eating and even go to regular restaurants to eat (we switch off to be fair). Then I have a few friends with whom I have agreed to disagree and we do things together that don't involve food. But I don't have to live with them every day.

LW, remember that something that is slightly annoying (his eating meat) today is going to be a tear-your-hair-out problem later. Human nature being what it is, we are rarely as tolerant as we think we will be.

"He seems to be a great guy, but is this doomed before it starts?"

Short answer: If "he eats meat" equals "we're wrong for each other," then yes, it's doomed.

My wife hasn't eaten red meat for over 20 years (long before I met her). She doesn't care if I do, but almost all of the meals we make in the winter are chicken or fish, which is fine with me. In the summer, one side of the BBQ is for chicken only and the other is for my ribs or Ribeyes.

I made a low carb pizza (almond flour crust) on Sunday and put pepperoni on my side. No big deal.

It can work as long as one person is not trying to control the other.

Just an aside: The "How to get pregnant fast at ConceiveEasy" ad is still there, right below an ad for a Washington area Honda dealer. The sell line: "No Appointment Necessary. Just Bring It In!"

This happens far too often for it to be left to chance.

RE Conceive Easy: My fave two to date are the homeless guy posing for a Union Gospel Mission ad, and a Psychic Hotline which told me to "Click Here Now! Live Person!"

"The thing is, I'm a vegetarian, and he appears to mainly subsist on cheeseburgers"

The best advice I would give to LW, is to drop this vegetarianism business, and go with the flow. Meat is good. Life's too short to not eat meat.

So, a few years back, my husband decided that he couldn't really eat meat anymore. It has nothing to do with the environment, or killing cute furry things (or not cute furry things). He was just done with it.

I have a strong family history of diabetes - including gestational diabetes in both my pregnancies. So, with that in mind and some of what I've learned via Amy, I've become a meat-itarian.

We also keep kosher, so my chicken bone can NOT touch his eggplant Parmesan.

Know what? It works. It works just fine. Sure it's annoying sometimes - what with washing one set of dishes by hand (no co-mingling meat & dairy in the dishwasher!). But, aside from that, we both respect each other, neither of us wants the other to be sick (which would eventually happen if I was less meat-centric in my diet), and life goes on. It just isn't that big of a deal.

I think though, that the relationship in question here IS doomed. If it's bothersome enough that you are writing for advice on it before you're in an actual relationship (and wondering if it's "doomed"), then its gonna be a problem because you clearly find it to BE a problem (or you wouldn't have brought it up).

I agree with the commentator that said:

"Short answer: If "he eats meat" equals "we're wrong for each other," then yes, it's doomed."

I have a general rule though, never date a girl that has a problem putting meat into her mouth. ;)

I used to be vegetarian, but I'm better now.

@Shannon: your comment about not co-mingling meat/vegetarian dishes reminded me of a great question my friend's son posed yesterday re dish washing: "why does the water have be so hot? Don't the germs just drown"?

"We also keep kosher, so my chicken bone can NOT touch his eggplant Parmesan."

You are one good woman. I would never keep kosher, I'd rather blow my brains out.

The thing is, I'm a vegetarian, and he appears to mainly subsist on cheeseburgers. He seems to be a great guy, but is this doomed before it starts?

I'd bet he'd be fine with you being a vegetarian as long as you don't try to push your way of eating on him. So the question is: can you accept the way he is? If you can't, if it bothers you a great deal that he eats meat, then yes, the relationship is very likely doomed.

This reminds me of a woman I met through online personals about three years ago. She was a vegetarian and said that any man she dated had to be one too. I thought that was reasonable but it was her other requirement that cracked me up. She said that she could not be involved with a guy who wore t-shirts. "You mean on dates or ever?" I asked. "Ever," she replied.

I just want to say that I'm happy this kinda flaky question was responded to with actual, practical advice. As a vegetarian of the meat-is-icky persuasion, it actually is something I think about when dating. A long time ago, I came to the conclusion that I'm good with everything except actually putting that chicken let in my mouth (and wish I could without throwing up, since it's a much better diet), so it hasn't been a problem for me. But I can see how it would be for some people who are more moralistic in their eating habits, so it actually is good to think about that stuff.

That said, this is hilarious:

but is this doomed before it starts?

How the hell is Amy supposed to know? Like Shannon said, if you're writing for advice, you obviously either have a problem or think you should have a problem. I wonder if there are über-vegetarian friends whispering in her ear...

Ugh, chicken leg, Six, chicken leg. I guess the Benadryl's kicked in.

I have friends who are very tolerant of my meat eating and even go to regular restaurants to eat (we switch off to be fair).

***

Friends are different than lovers though. You don't live with them, or if you do it is usually not on a "forever" basis.

LW, how old are you? Are you in a phase of like where you're looking for something permanent? If so it matters more than if you're still in the fling phase of life.

Let's assume you're looking for long term, as that is the trickier situation.

The arrangement my husband and I have is the house is veg, and the kid is raised veg. What happens outside the house is his business. My parents have had the same arrangement for 40 years. Is this something you could live with?

Could you live with an arrangement where the meal at home has both a meat and veg dish and you only partake of the one? Would you be willing to prepare a meat dish when it is your turn to cook?

Do you care if your kids are raised veg or not?

If you do the arrangement where the meals in your home are veg, I recommend becoming a kick-ass cook. Invest in a good selection of spices, oils, vinegars, etc, and in good cookbooks. If you're only serving veggies they'd better be damn good veggies.

If you each make your own meals, NP, but in the long term the seperatation of it is a bit complicated.

If you never live together or have a family, it isn't an issue.

The point is, if it is getting serious these are things you need to talk about. If you're not comfortable with meat in your living space, that's ok, but you need to state it. If you don't care if it is there, then problem solved. Figure out what your limits are, and figure out what his are, and then figure out if it is a dealbreaker.

Exactly! The "why's" of vegetarianism is quite important, as some feel the environment, the health of the diet, or the animal rights/welfare aspect trumps other reasons for it.

I've beena raw foodist for 10 years now, and it would be impossible for me to date only women who ate raw food. Vegan women open up more possibilities, and then vegetarian women, even more. Meat-eating women are ones I have dated, but I never saw it long-term. It really is a matter of preference.

I'm a vegetarian, and my husband is not. Amy's advice to the LW is great. You're not necessarily doomed as long as you don't want to impose your dietary choices on others. And it is very important that you know how to cook awesome vegetarian meals. My husband is happy with our lacto-ovo vegetarian diet at home, and if he wants meat, poultry, or seafood, he has some when he eats out. This arrangement works for us, but I had my vegetarianism once be seen as problematic in a relationship.

A meat-eating guy, whom I dated just before I met my husband, told me he didn't like the idea of not always having the exact same meals as me at our respective homes, as he wanted to keep eating meat at home. I personally didn't have a problem with this guy adding meat to his own meals when we ate in together and told him such, but he did. It wasn't the only reason we broke up, but it was part of it.

So bottom line, LW, if you don't mind that this guy eats cheeseburgers and he is equally as respectful of your dietary choices, I think you should go for it.

I have no problem with the being a vegetarian thing—and would do it myself if I had the patience. It's a slow transition, and I would like to accomplish it someday.

That said—I would never determine a relationship based on whether the other person ate meat or not, unless they were extremely unhealthy, were overweight and adding more every day and so forth. This is the reason why I don't date smokers—because inevitably your life begins to revolve around their smoking time, and hearing them talk about quitting (which they try a bazillion times and expect you to be excited and supportive every single time, and it lasts about 2 days before they start up again).

Maybe you should try just fucking him. Can you get away with just fucking a carnivore, or is that out as well?

I'm a vegetarian, and my husband is a huge meat and potatoes kind of guy. It can work. We eat together (I make meals/sides that I love and just cook meat on the side for him). Then again, I don't try to convert him, and I love him enough that I'll cook meat for him. He also is very understanding and respectful of my lifestyle. It just really comes down to whether you both can accept the other person's lifestyle without judgement.

I've sworn my whole life that I'd never get involved with a woman who smokes. My new FWB smokes, drinks, and I think she's adorable.

I can relate to the letter writer. There is a vast difference between vegetarians and the rest of us. I come at this from the other angle, but I am very turned off by vegetarians because I see them as picky eaters. I'd feel the same way about someone that eats "only cheeseburgers". If I dated either a woman that ate only cheeseburgers or someone who ate only vegetables, I'd think they ate food either like a twelve year old or like a vegetarian. Either way, I'd see it as indicative as someone who doesn't enjoy life. I'm not interested in such a person. Good luck with everything, and enjoy it without me.

Young people tend to overthink stuff like this. If she doesn't know whether it's doomed from the start, then I tend to think she's never dated a meat eater. If that's true, then she should try it and see where her line is. Just don't waste his time and yours by pretending you're fine with it if you're not.

If she has taken time to write in, the vegetarianism is important to her.
She wants to control him, that is what isn't being said here. That is what gets her off, finding a guy, raking him over the coals about an issue that isn't his and every time he caves to her, she gets a huge ego feed.
I would run if I were him. "Love" with stipulations attached before the first date is a lot like "charitable giving", both can have a lot of rage attached to it.

That comment says more about you than it does about the LW, Tuckerkitty. There's no evidence she wants to go all she devil. She just doesn't know whether the veg thing is going to be a dealbreaker. I think the only way she can know is if she tests it.

Love always has stipulations attached to it before you even start. Will you be good to me? Will you be faithful? Do you share my religious beliefs? Do you want children? This is just another one of those issues.

I would guess long term that even if everything else works out great that the difference would eventually become a problem. Just based on what I have seen with others.

I have seen the veg. house but outside is OK work for awhile. The problem in that case was that it became the carni eating out a lot, then vegi wanted to also...so it became expensive and they rarely ate together.

We had a strict vegi in our group at work for awhile and it was a major hassle. It usually meant if the group ate out we had to go to one place - had the good vegi menu - or occasionally another that had a couple of vegi items. as such, I don't think i would date a vegi...though the situation for places to eat has gotton a lot better.

To me, vegetarian equals "picky eater". Picky eater equals "someone with whom you can't travel". Someone with whom you can't travel equals "giant pain in the ass and a hinderance to a rich and fulfilling life". Giant pain in the ass and a hinderance to a rich and fulfilling life equals "no".

It's just me, but I would never date a vegetarian. I'm sure I'm not alone. However, since vegetarians enjoy limiting their experiences, I'm sure that their shrunken dating pool suits their sensibilities.

P.S. -- I'd also never date a woman that eats nothing but cheeseburgers like a ten year old for the exact same reason.

I cannot help but wonder how much vegitarianism is actually posing and attention getting. Setting rules and making other people follow them so you can validate yourself.

She needs to make both of them a big juicy salad while he cooks himself a burger. Then she can enjoy what a beef eating man can do in bed that an iron (and probably testosterone) deficient veggie dude never could do.

PS
"Vegetarian" is an old Indian word for "Lousy Hunter"