The LW's girlfriend is no doubt tired of every meal turning into an episode of Good Eats. LW, just let it go. Some meals won't turn out well. Some will. It'll be OK either way.

Imagine if she followed you around all the time suggesting all the ways you could be neater or dress better. Annoying.

Shut up about cooking when she does it. Smile the whole time she is cooking. Say nothing about her process, at any time. Make light, fun conversation about other things. Eat the food she serves. Ask for seconds. Tell her it is delicious, even if it isn't.

This really is not hard, sir.

If you were my girlfriend I would never cook for you, even if you tried to teach. Be grateful you have someone that wanted to learn and is expressing that gratitude by cooking.

(I would always tell my Puerto Rican boyfriend every time he cooked traditional PR food:

"Yummy plantains! I love putting your Plantains in my mouth"

It'd make him chuckle. )

PP is right: it's a testament to her that she cooks for you even though you're the foodie and seem to make "suggestions" far too often. There is a line, LW, where enjoying learning from someone turns into "For the love of little green apples, let me do this without turning it into a teaching moment."

And don't stay silent in that conspicuous way that says "You're doing it wrong, but you refuse to take my advice, so it's on you if it doesn't turn out well and I'll just be sitting here smirking" without actually saying anything. That's just irritating. Actually back off and only give suggestions when she asks you something directly. It may take a while, but you should eventually be able to get to that place.

Why is it these letters always end with what sounds like "Can't they see I'm only trying to 'help'? How can I make them do what I want them to do?"

Do right by this woman and end this relationship. Let her move on to someone who can love her for who she is, and you get some help to understand why you feel the need to micro-manage every minute detail of your environment. My ex-wife and I lived like this for years (both of us doing it to each other), it was continuous, escalating battles of will, passive-agressiveness, and burning resentments...yeah, good times. Right now it's the kitchen stuff, how long before it's how she folds the towels, talks to her friends, blows her nose? And down the road, after you've worked on yourself, if knife technique and proper spices are really that important to you, find someone who shares your passion. In my experience that's the only way that both can have a chance to be happy.

I'd agree with one caveat. If she is about to turn a 500 dollar bottle of wine into a reduction sauce then say something, otherwise shut it

"...capellini, not Mussolini." Haha!

The only time I ever intervened with my ex was when it looked like she might cut one of her fingers off. She had that bad habit of sticking her little finger out while chopping vegies. Never happened so perhaps my policy of leaving the kitchen when it was driving me nuts was the right one.

Aside from that, she was intimidated enough by my cooking that she hated to cook for me. Funnily enough, I genuinely enjoyed it when she did. I could never convince her though. Whether I thought it was great didn't matter.

LW - back off, and enjoy it. Fake it convincingly if you have to, in the hope she'll do the same later!

LW - you had a learning curve, once, on learning to cook. Would you be where you are now with your cooking skills if someone had been as persistently critical with you as you are with the girlfriend?

Progress takes time. Give her that time, and also be willing to accept that she may never completely share your enthusiasm.

Spartee, to your "This really is not hard, sir." - note the LW said "I'm a woman dating a woman..."

@"Mao Tse-Tongue"

Brilliant - love that heading.

LW, she doesn't want to "learn" every time, she just wants to relax and have fun with you without you become Ms Controlling ... nobody likes a back-seat-driver, and sometimes there's a fine line between a "suggestion" and an insult ... a continual series of "suggestions" also broadcasts a subtle underlying message "nothing you do is ever good enough". The phrasing "I just hate to see her plan a great meal ... and have it not turn out" is, "you failed", "what a disappointment".

I think, follow Spartee's advice to the letter.

I think the very fact that someone cooks for you is awesome and to be appreciated, not taken for granted.

The positive part here is that it's you writing in to the advice column, not her, so you can change this.

"Fake it convincingly if you have to, in the hope she'll do the same later!"

Lol ..