I arranged a first meetup with an internet date at a big public event where I was participating.
She was a knockout, and she was dressed to turn men's brains into mush.
I was introducing her to my partners and it was comical-- one man couldn't even tell her his own name!

As someone who has a lot of hot female friends, they are just like anyone else. All have married regular to ugly men who have a lot of confidence.

Are you able to talk to women who are pretty cute but not super hot? Maybe you need to work yourself up

It also helps to have a canned, non-commital response. Either something not-cheesy at all, or something utterly over the top cheesy that you can remember when your brain locks up like that. Once you break the silence, it's easier to talk.

Something as simple as "Wow. I like that." is often enough to prime the pump so that you're not standing there like an idiot.

@Lamont: "It also helps to have a canned, non-commital response."

I like that, too. And I remember being in a similar fix to the LW's. I found I was much more comfortable talking to married women, hot or not, since I didn't have to worry whether they'd see me as partner material. But the unmarried cuties aren't all that much different. Maybe the key is to worry a little less about being dazzling and concentrate more on being reasonably competent. As Miss Alkon says, they'll either like you or they won't, and if they do, they'll hold up their end of the conversation.

@Lamont, @Amy: Wow, sounds like hints of Game you're talking about. Heartiste should be flattered! Perhaps there is a blossoming appreciation of the crimson arts in progress here at Advice Goddess. Will wonders never cease?!

If you stall apologise, claim to be distracted by her _____ (eyes, smile, personality) throw in something like mesmerized, or spell bound

I dunno, I'd find that cheesy. If he hammed it up it would be ok.

A Dutch study confirmed what you and most of us already know -- that talking to a hot woman can turn a man's brain into a pudding cup.

And then that hot woman will lap up that man's puddified brain matter with her long lizard tongue.

Which is why you should always be careful when dating a hot alien woman from the planet Zorax.

"Men who feel like somebody don't have to behave that way -- all calculatingly -- they can just BE."

Yes, I remember that conversation, I was in on it. But here the advice to the tongue-tied guy is to modify his behavior with a canned script to achieve a different outcome. I submit that this is the SAME advice given by the pick-up artists, differing only in degree. So, does a man "just BE" or "Do something to become more attractive to a woman"?

What about safe topics, like: So how do you like that 'make model' you are driving? or, wow, I can't wait for Spring to actually arrive, or how can you tell if a cantaloupe is ripe? what exactly do you do with Kale? or some other vegetable (just be silent about the cucumbers) or just about anything that isn't a direct pick up line. Talking about safe things can naturally lead to talking about other things.

"Exactly. Say anything. Just keep talking."

This is good advice for pretty much any social situation, romantic interest or not. I used a similar technique when I wanted to become more friendly with new coworkers: whenever someone would ask "What's up?" "How's it going?" etc, instead of giving a default response like "Fine" or "not much" I made myself respond with a piece of information about my day, what's on my mind, current events etc. It really doesn't matter what you say--just being able to initiate a conversation makes you a more interesting and appealing person to be around. Just find something you like to talk about, and your enthusiasm will be attractive.

"I dunno, I'd find that cheesy. If he hammed it up it would be ok."

So you're of two minds about Monte Cristos then?

I despise glamour. My dating history is uniformly natural looking women wearing low to no makeup. I (somewhat unusually it seems) have no response to lingerie. Likely I've missed out on a lot. But I absolutely cannot tolerate that mind mush feeling, the more so when I know it to be deliberately induced.

Thinking of how much time and money it takes to be glamorous keeps me mindful that my partner in the dance is consciously intent on clouding my mind; helps me keep in the right, counter-predatory frame of mind. Mostly it prevents me from wanting to get closer. But I'm weird that way.

I read Sian Beilock's book and loved it. Incidentally, she is the kind of hot woman who would turn my brain into the aforementioned pudding cup.

"I despise glamour" -- no, phunctor, if you did despise glamour, it wouldn't turn your mind to mush,

Akatsukami-Funny!!

phunctor, woman don't glam up to cloud your mind, they glam up to look attractive to all those men who expect it (many do), and keep up with all the other women who glam up. It is a fierce, fierce competition for many women, and the male response to glamour is only one part of it.

Sensible women do not want to have a conversation with a pudding cup, or a man with a clouded mind. Such conversations do little to reveal a man's true character or personality.

Yes, what you said, Amy. :)

Keep talking is a nice idea. If you can't think of anything, try to find something contextual around them and you. Such as "Where did you get that necklace?" or "I see that you looking at the menu. Is there anything good here to eat" or "You two seem like best friends ... How long have you known each other?" etc.

If you can't get basic conversation started with these types of things, then move on.