I proposed to mrs. nile while we were sitting quietly in the bar at the (old) Ritz Carleton Hotel in Boston.

Thirty-seven years this August. (And counting.)

Your proposal likewise needs to reflect who you are and tell your girlfriend that you get who she is ...

Exactly. The goal is to make the proposal special and thoughtful, not necessarily expensive or theatrical -- especially if that's not who you are.

It could be as simple as returning to the place you met...or the place you had your first kiss ... or the place you realized you were in love with her. My friend did that ... hauled his special lady onto a rooftop we all used to party on one random evening. When she asked, "What are we doing up here?" he told her that it was on this rooftop, exactly four years ago to the day, that he realized he was in love with her. Cost: $0.

While we're all hoping that she says yes, doing something elaborate invites crushing humiliation should she say no.

For instance, this proposal at a basketball game.

YouTube has a few videos of marriage proposal fails on them. LW might not think that this will happen to him, but the guy in the video I posted obviously didn't think it would happen to him, either, but it did.

(I wonder if that's an old video and it happened in the seventies. I'm guessing that it is, judging by her hairstyle and that hideous dress matched with capri pants.

Patrick, that link does not lead to a video of a marriage proposal.

Thank you, Michelle. That went to a message board that I post at occasionally. Here's the correct link.

My apologies, everyone.

Good point, Patrick. Best not to put on a big public show unless you're pretty sure what the result is going to be.

Here are a couple more things to think about. First, even if LW does scrape together the funds to do something elaborate, he should consider that every fancy schtick, every complicated move, carries the possibility of breaking down embarassingly. Josh Ogle outsourced his production to a consultant, whereas Isaac Lamb was operating within his skill set anyway. Unless you've got Ogle's money or Lamb's talents, it might be best to pass on the "show of shows" approach.

And here's the other thing: What's the one thing Ogle's proposal, Lamb's proposal, and (hopefully) LW's proposal have in common? How about, "Yes, I will marry you!" The rest is gravy.

My husband proposed to me near the beginning of an 11-hour car trip on the interstate (he was driving at the time). While this would not win any awards for originality, I was thrilled regardless. It also turned out to make a good story to tell friends, though my husband didn't quite get why all the women were making fun of him. Guess he was sure of my answer...it would have made for a very long trip if I had said no.

When I proposed to my wife I planned on taking her to a nice place for dinner and proposing there. I got the ring, had the place, then she called to tell me her Dad was having a 70th birthday party that night. I KNEW I couldn't wait, and I certainly wasn't brave enough to pop the question in front of her whole family, so I did the next best thing:

The jeweler gave me a ring box shaped like a rose. I stopped at a florist near where she lived and bought a dozen roses (which I did pretty regularly, so it didn't raise any red flags). I tucked the rose box into the roses, when she unwrapped the roses to put them in water she noticed a funny looking one, which I reached over, popped open, got down on one knee (in her kitchen) and asked her to marry me.

That was 13 years ago, so I must've done OK.

I've noticed for some time that the celebrities who host the most insanely expensive, lavish weddings seem to have about a 90% likelihood of being divorced within 5 years.

I'd bet anything that the same is true for the reality tv type proposals.

Mu husband proposed to me while we were visting Florida, his home state, from New York, so he could take his teaching exams to become a certified teacher in Florida, in October 2006.

We had talked about getting married and were sorta just getting the process started of relocating. I was going to be staying in NYC a few months after he had moved to tie up loose ends so we were going to be separated for a while. I expected him to propose at Christmas, right before he left, but he surprised me and did it much earlier than expected. Later on, he said, he had originally planned on that but he just couldn't wait anymore. It was adorable.

We were staying at a tiny hotel on a private beach. He had just come back from finishing his exams and we had dinner planned that night with his parents. It was just the two of us sitting there, enjoying the peace and quiet on the sand and I wasn't even really paying attention. The nerxt thing I knew, he had reached into his bag, and was on his knee, proposing. I was speechless. (Anyone who knows me knows that that is a rare thing.)

It was the perfect proposal for us. I work in theatre. I get enough drama and spectacle on the stage so I like to keep real life simple. So does he. The fact that he didn't make the proposal a "show" was one of the reasons I loved it so much. Even though he was sure that my answer would be yes (because honestly, who doesn't at least TALK about it BEFORE the proposal?) he still chose the simple, private proposal. Because that's our style.

LW, base your proposal around your relationship, and personality types, not pop culture. If she's anything like me, and many other women for that matter, that type of proposal might actually turn her off.

My husband had originally planned to propose to me on Parliament Hill in Ottawa during our New Year's vacation in 2004. Parliament Hill is a place that means a lot to him. I had never been to Ottawa before, and my husband was eager to show me his favourite places in the city, culminating in the proposal, of course.

However, about a week before our vacation, I took a book off my bookcase and behind it was a little purple box that I had never seen before. I opened it and realized that I was going to be proposed to soon. I was delighted, but also shocked that I'd accidentally ruined whatever surprise he had planned for me, I put the ring and book back where they were, fully intending on keeping this a secret. But I have a lousy poker face. I met him for dinner that night and couldn't keep this silly smile off my face. After a few drinks and some careful prying on his part, I confessed what I had found. I told him I still wanted him to do whatever he had planned, which he agreed to. We spent the rest of the dinner trying to talk about anything else except the thing we both really wanted to talk about. When we got home, he went into the bedroom where the bookcase was and told me he was going to get undressed, but he came back out with his hands behind his back, got down on one knee, held out the open ring box, and asked me to marry him. Neither of us wanted to wait for over a week to become engaged. Tomorrow we'll have been married for seven years.

There are two morals of the story. First, you don't always need a big elaborate proposal or a proposal that goes according to a certain plan to have a good engagement story. The Ottawa proposal would have been lovely, but I like our story a lot more: it's more interesting precisely because it didn't go according to plan. Second, don't hide the engagement ring in her stuff even if you think she's too short to see the spot where you've hidden it, which is why my husband says he picked the spot he did. :)

Oh, and btw lady friends of about to be engaged ladies...

DON'T, for the love of fluffy kittens, call your girlfriend and tell her that you think her guy is going to propose that night to try to "prepare" her. Trust me, she will not be thankful to you for ruining the suprise. Neither will her guy who probably put a lot of thought, money, and time into the proposal. And, God help you if you're wrong and all you've done is get your friend excited for nothing. Unless you're part of the proposal, zip it, bitch.

Sorry for the thread steal but I needed to say it. A girlfriend of mine actually did this to me during our trip to Florida. If I hadn't been so SURE he was gonna do it at Christmas, which I told here at the time, it quite possibly could have ruined it.

And avoid giving the ring in a way where she might accidentally swallow it or lose it before she sees it.

My husband proposed to me after we had already reserved the location for the wedding. :-D It was Valentine's Day, and we were standing in the kitchen; he said something like "It seems to me there's something I forgot to do -- Will you marry me?" I laughed and said yes, of course.

I find the whole super-elaborate proposal thing as silly and even counter-productive. There has to be a whole lot of pressure on the woman in question to say yes when the guy has made this huge, huge scene in front of a lot of people. Yet if she really isn't sure this is what she wants, better she should say so, straight out.

I also think it's somehow... I dunno, inappropriate to bring a whole bunch of people in on what is essentially a private matter, especially if it's 45,000 strangers in a ballpark or the like.

One other thought: If anything should be an expression of who you really are and how you really feel about this woman, genuinely, authentically, and without artifice, it's your proposal. If you're not the sort of guy who actually enjoys big public scenes and audiences, if you'd never consider joining the local little theater, public speaking, or joining a flash mob, why turn your proposal into performance art?

In our case, I'm not sure who you would say proposed to whom. I had orders to SE Asia and I asked my girl friend if she would wait for me until I got back. She said no. Long pause as I almost fell through the floor, then she said, but I will Marry you. I almost punched her for scaring me to death but I said lets do it ASAP. That was 40 years ago, so I guess an elaborate proposal is not necessary.

Guys, think BIG when you propose.

Dress up monkeys in their winged Wizard of Oz outfits and hang-glide them out of a blimp to cast rose petals on your audience as the Vienna Boys Choir sings "Move, Bitch, Get Out The Way" and fireworks go off all around you.

You can have that idea for free. Guaranteed to make her say 'yes!'.

Hubby proposed in our kitchen.

18 years and counting.

At the time, there was a silly life saver commercial where the guy sucked on the candy until it was the right size for a ring and months before I had commented on how it was a well done commercial. We hadn't even discussed marriage, but we were back at the place of our first date to celebrate one year of being together. My husband isn't one for flowery speech, but he had a roll of life savers which he just slid across the pub table...and a ring in his other hand. Seven years and counting....

Your proposal likewise needs to reflect who you are and tell your girlfriend that you get who she is ...

I was going to say this, but you've got it covered. A big, splashy proposal coming from a low-key guy isn't going to work.

My husband's proposal doesn't sound romantic. We woke up one morning and he asked. No ring, because, while we had discussed marriage before and were sure we were going to get married, the proposal itself was spontaneous. But it meant the world to me, because he knew it was important for me to be able to share the news with my mother, who was terminally ill.

She died a month later, and the news that I was engaged was the only time I saw her happy in that last month. It was the most romantic thing he's ever done.

My husband proposed on the street corner where we had our first kiss on our first date. It was free (not counting the ring, of course)

My husband and I had spoken about marriage and knew it was in the cards but had no concrete plans.
Then my sister got engaged and started planning her wedding and we decided to give it some time and not step on her toes by announcing anything.
Time went by after her wedding and nothing was happening and I brought it up and said I said I think we have waited long enough. He got sort of freaked out.
A few weeks later, we were visiting his family in the UK for xmas and one morning when we got up he asked if I felt like ring shopping that day. I said I'd love to.
That is as close to a proposal as I got and I married him.
It's be 3 years later this month.

--Dress up monkeys in their winged Wizard of Oz outfits and hang-glide them out of a blimp to cast rose petals on your audience as the Vienna Boys Choir sings "Move, Bitch, Get Out The Way" and fireworks go off all around you.--

I now have coffee sprayed all over my monitor. Thanks, Gog!

It's the proposals that *don't* go according to plan (errr, where things go wrong and she says yes anyway, not epic Jumbotron failures, I mean) that are the best.

My boyfriend and I had been talking seriously about marriage and I was pretty sure it was going to happen around my birthday - then both of our careers took off and with me at the studio 14 hours a day and him traveling with a show, I put it out of my mind that it would happen anytime before Christmas. Well, I went home sick from work one day and had to be rushed to the hospital later that night.

Long story short, doctors told my parents and boyfriend that I probably wasn't going to live, so if I woke up, they should say whatever they needed to say. I did wake up, and the first thing I saw was him, holding my hand, smiling, and he asked me to marry him. I wrote, "Yes. Yes! YES!!" (I was on a respirator, so I couldn't talk).

Joke's on him, I guess - it'll be 3 years of survival and 2 years married next month. So much for "last words"!

Let's bottom-line it for you, LW:

1) propose, or
2) do a viral video

Don't try to do both at the same time.

Be creative, be meaningful, be romantic, yes. Don't be "reality tv" about it.

I've always thoght that these uber-public, uber-showy proposal stunts make the guy look like a shallow, attention-whore-ish, spendthrift, sap who simply doesn't "get it."

Yay! Amy! That RE-reminds me how lucky I am...and my guy adorably flubbed the proposal.

I like my Coca-Cola A LOT!

One night I ran out and I forget why but going to the store was out of the question.

He called to check in from out of town as I was realizing I was out and he said, "Climb up on a chair & look behind the bisquik."

We call it Emergency Soda and he always has my back.

To OP, like others have said it should be in keeping with who you are, your style, be ready with a minor back up plan, it can be as simple as cooking her favorite dish, a bottle of champagne is often a good thing, and tell her why you want to spend the rest of your life with her.

Asking for a life time of marriage with a back up chorus as witnesses? That's just emotional blackmail. If a man can't have this deeply personal moment alone with a woman - That should be a red flag. I don't understand why this isn't just common sense.

I don't mean to be a thread-jacking troll with this question, but why do we men do the proposing? Maybe not everyone feels this way, but my opportunity cost of getting married is greater than my opportunity cost of staying unmarried. Is it too on-the-nose to think that the person is the weaker bargaining position should have to do the proposing? Or is that exactly it, that men must do the proposing because it would be humiliating for the woman to ask the man and draw attention to her weak hand?

I almost punched her for scaring me to death

Did you start beating her at a later date whenever she scared you about something or the other?

Just wondering, cause you sound like a wife beater

My hubby is a jokester. We are both middleaged and have been talking about marriage for a number of years. A friend asked "When are you finally getting married?" I said, "When I see a proposal." So Scott got up from the table, came around to my side and got down on one knee. Then he proposed...to his best guy friend who was sitting next to me. "Will you do me the honor of being my best man when I marry Kelle?"

It was hilarious and I don't think I will ever forget it!

A GF I was dating back in the 90's was in a so-so long distance relationship with her BF. She was about to dump him when he was sent Saudi Arabia for Desert Storm.

I asked her not to Dear John him in the desert. So he gets back, and instead of just writing a letter, she goes to visit him. He had bought her a ring and asked in front of a lot of people. That marriage lasted about two years.

The point is that she said yes because she felt pressured, not because she wanted the marriage. Don't make a public spectacle of a private moment.

Going on 25 years this summer, we talked about marriage...he asked me at a stoplight on the way to visit a friend in the hospital. Planned out the wedding that night (the big picture details) and named our "future" kids. No ring until he got his tax refund. He was in the US Army at the time and didn't have a lot of money. 25 years and two kids later...we still going strong. Spontaneity and sincerity are the keys to a good proposal.