I'm wondering why exactly LW felt the need to move in with her boyfriend of 5 months--and his 12 year old daughter. Five months is a pretty short time to be with anyone before living together, let alone someone with a kid and a coke head ex still on the scene. If common sense didn't tip LW off that they were moving way too fast, you'd think that the big piles of the last woman's stuff would have done the trick. This is a perfect example of why it's a good idea to get to know someone before you decide to merge households. Now you've made your bed and have to lie in it--literally--or figure out a way to move out.

Oh, and I feel really, really bad for the kid. Mom's in and out of jail and dad moves in his new girlfriend--what a way to grow up.

I agree with Shannon and will add that The leftover stuff is really the tip of the iceberg in this situation. LW is just starting down this road of borrowed misery, and I predict this will not be the last time Amy hears from her.

I feel for this poor child. She will be the one paying the price for having a father who has no backbone. One ex girlfriend is a bullying coke head and the new one (the LW) probably came over for a weekend and just refuses to leave, like the stink of bad fish. If the guy was really emotionally ready to live with the LW, getting rid of the last woman's trash wouldn't be such a big problem.

That said, excellent advice Amy! You took the time to explain the legal pitfalls beautifully. My advice would have been for the LW to pack her stuff and leave, but you always treat the relationship as if it is viable and worth saving. That takes a lot patience! Great answer as usual!

Give LW a break - she really really loves him, and that certainly trumps having to live in a semi-permanent flea market with a guy who hasn't got the parenting skills or the stones to tell his adolescent daughter why her druggie con artist mom's stuff is leaving the house.

LW should just suck it up, because she is clearly too goddamn stupid to DTMFA. Maybe I'm in a bad mood this morning, but what she needs is a magic wand, not an advice columnist.

I had to break up with my ex-bf because he constantly bowed to his ex's "emotional blackmail." It is a nice way to lose all respect for someone.

Moving in at 5 months, especially with a teen, is a big no-no! LW will be playing second fiddle to this woman for quite awhile, methinks.

I'm looking at this 5 months ago when she was moving in, and am seeing problems with it. Financially: With 2 shared households where you used to be paying 2 rents and now just one, you should be able to afford a storage room, unless she or he were not meeting rent beforehand.
When she moved in she had a plan, a plan it sounds like she never checked with anyone else. So he has the problems of not enough spine and forceful women.

I agree with Joe here. Unless LW moved in with the boyfriend because otherwise she'd be homeless there is now money available to pay for storage. There's more going on here than we're being told.

I think I'd follow all the steps Amy suggested, and then let the ex know I was thinking of offering the cops the chance to look over the stuff and see if anything else was stolen property.

I concur with Shannon, et al. How many red flags does this woman need before she runs?

Coke-head, meth-head ex. Check.
Daughter by previous relationship. Check.
Spineless and manipulated by ex. Check.
Home that looks like something out of Sanford and Son due to ex's possessions that she refuses to claim. Check.

Gee, sounds like a real catch to me.

Still, Amy, as always, trips the light fantastic when offering the advice, even exploring the legal aspects for the LW.

The LW is young enough to be just learning how real relationships work, and this is a heck of a situation to start on.

My advice to the LW is to step back and think about what she really wants. What she's got: A controlling and manipulative drug-addicted mother/ex, a boyfriend who is unwilling to do what is right for his daughter (in dealing with both his ex's actions and also letting the new girlfriend move in,) and a girl just headed into the difficult teen years from which the LW only recently emerged herself. And the LW is a placator, is unwilling to engage the boyfriend on difficult things. It reads like a train wreck about to happen. Life is too short to walk into that voluntarily, it takes most of us a few more years to get there.

And I agree, the 12 year old daughter has the worst lot, with an undependable mother and a weak father and girlfriends moving in and out. Sad stuff.

Get a garden shed at Home Depot

Run, LW, run like the wind!
You're freaking 22 years old and your bf has a 12 year old. I am guessing that makes him older than you by a fair amount.
You are playing house right now, playing the role of mate and mother and dealing with the bad news ex and her stuff.
You should be having fun hanging out with your friends and playing the field a bit. Figure out who you are, what you want from life, maybe continue your education. This is supposed to be the free spirited fun time in a person's life that they look back on years later and smile wistfully remembering all the fun they had.
Not looking back on that time they had to get a restraining order or bring a 12 year old to see mommy in jail.
5 months isn't long enough to know if a guy is Mr. Right or not, especially when you are 22.

Yeah, what linny said.

Hell, moving in with someone after just 10 months is a really bad idea, but doing so after just 5? WTF? Was she that desperate to get out of her parents' house?

The bf isn't much better, imo. Sounds like the ex hasn't been gone that long. He needs to concentrate on making a better life for his daughter, and that doesn't include an Instant Substitute Mommy. As one single parent to another, take care of your kid, rebuild your life, fully end the old relationship, and THEN you can think about finding someone new.
I agree with linny, the lw is playing house, and trying to prove she's an adult by playing at Happy Families.

Add me to the list of "Why'd she move in with this guy so quickly, and when there were so many red flags?" Just another in a long, long list of People Who Live Their Lives In Ways That Make No Sense.

"He needs to concentrate on making a better life for his daughter, and that doesn't include an Instant Substitute Mommy"

I don't think we know nearly enough about the individuals involved here to make this judgment call. It may or not be better, it's not for us to say ... she may actually be the best thing for this family.

Amy's advice is good on the storage issue.

Sorry, she still moved in way too soon. I believe in love at first sight, I do. I have friends who got married after three weeks, they're still crazy about one another 35 years later. Heck, I suspected on the first date that my husband was The One.

But here's the thing: Love at first sight and infatuation at first sight are utterly indistinguishable for a minimum of a year. If you get married or move in before then, you simply don't know which you'll have as time goes by. Maybe you'll have hit the relationship jackpot, maybe not.

In the meanwhile, moving in makes it exponentially harder to break up, leading people to stay in relationships that have long since passed their expiration dates. My friends who got married in three weeks notwithstanding, it's not wise to put yourself in a position where dumping someone will be incredibly materially difficult and stressful and even more emotional painful than necessary until you're a whole lot more certain.

And this girl is 22. Maybe, just maybe, she's a really, really adult 22, but most 22 year olds are still maturing, don't completely know who they are or what direction they want to head yet. Getting into a situation this difficult, taking on troubles that aren't hers to bear, will not make that process easier, and has the potential to stunt the rest of her life.

"Maybe, just maybe, she's a really, really adult 22, ..."

No, she's not. If she were, she would have seen all these pitfalls and wouldn't have considered moving in for one second. I'm betting that the drama of it all is making her feel like a big girl and she loves it.

At 22, he's using her for free babysitting and pole-dancing.

At 22, she's stupid enough to fall for it.

Run like the wind LW!

"I'm betting that the drama of it all is making her feel like a big girl and she loves it."

This.

And I am also 22.