I agree Amy!

The PUAs teach men how to "spin plates"-- like the stage act, where you spin plates on sticks. The last one that doesn't crash is the keeper.
Women have done this forever, so why can't men, as well?

Amy this happened to me a long time ago.

Exact same behaviour from the guy. He was an odd one.

At first I fell for it because I adored him but then when I found out his girlfriend had been one of his longtime friends I felt really sad for her and pissed off that'd he would do that to a girl who had been his friend for 5 years before.

My friend then also cleared my head with her wisdom "if he wanted to be with you he'd be with you"

So I turned that shit around. I was very young so I'm not sure I knew what I was doing.

But I told him I loved him and then whenever he wanted to meet I'd say "Naw busy shopping" "sorry was asleep maybe some other time" I never once met him.

It was loads of fun. He got really angry but couldn't let go. Then he became really apologetic. Then just nice.

Nothing worked of course, I was banging 2 other guys anyways.

Says Amy: "The way to kick the habit is to recognize this, detach, and have the self-discipline to stay detached. Send him a message that it's over and not to contact you again, and then do everything in your power to keep that from happening."

Amy forgot to mention that when you follow her excellent advice, part of your brain will immediately start rubbing its (figurative) hands together and muttering things like, "Yeah. That's the ticket. Then he'll finally realize that I'm the One, and he missed out, and his gf is nothing compared to me, and I'll string him along for a while, and then we'll get together for real, for evah!"

Just a heads-up, LW. Yeah, nope. Y'see, he knows what you're thinking, and he knows you won't make him work too hard for another booty call. And then another.

Your brain will continue to undermine your return to dignity until you move on. That means a new man, or a nunnery, but not another girl because that'll just make him more determined to get a double-booty call.

So there it is. Do what the sparkly redheaded lady says. End it. Move on.

A terrific man sought me out ... and he told me, "I'm just not ready to give up my girlfriend, although I may feel different when your divorce is final."

If a lizard could talk, it would say things like, "I'm just not ready to give up my girlfriend, although I may feel different when your divorce is final."

Tell him to go eat flies.

Yes, LW, it's manipulative behavior. For your own sanity and self-respect, move on.

(re comment above, not LW) . . . didn't that whole pick-up artist thing finally go out of fashion along with Mystery's fluffy hat? And the realization that being a dick to women is not, in fact, the best way to entice them? I mean heck, if it's working for you, have fun, but as a lady-type person the thing I tend to think when someone is being a jerk to me is, "Hey, that guy's a jerk," not, "Take me now you big hunk of man who apparently shelled out $300 for a seminar on how to pick up women."

One would think you would have more self esteem than that, LW.

Move on.

"And the realization that being a dick to women is not, in fact, the best way to entice them?"

Believe it or not, with a fair number of women, that sort of thing works. I had my own brief experience with that while I was in college. I think I had more action that one weekend then I did in the rest of my four years put together.

It doesn't sound to me like the LW learned anything about men from her prior marriage and impending divorce.

If she thinks he is a terrific guy for long term because he is fun in bed, she needs to get into the way back machine and try very very hard to remember if things were just as fun when she was dating her soon to be x.
Perspective and reflection is the key to making a better choice next time around, not repeating the same old patterns hoping it will turn out differently.
If she doesn't respect herself, no one else will either.

One would think you would have more self esteem than that, LW.

Oh, enough with the scolding. We've all been there. I think this LW is more inexperienced than anything else. She doesn't say how old she is, but she's spent a fair amount of time being married and off the dating scene. She's just found herself attracted to this guy, for whatever reason, and is having a hard time letting go. I don't know a single person - male or female - who hasn't experienced something similar at least once.

That said, it has been my observation that when you learn to identify those times when you need to let your brain take over and ignore the serotonin reuptake inhibitors, and develop the self-discipline to stick with it, your life will get a lot easier.

The last time I went through this was when I was 36 years old. I'd been seeing a guy for three months who was VERY attractive, we seemed to have all the important stuff in common, he called me every day, and I had no reason to think things wouldn't work out. Then I found out he was also calling his ex-girlfriend every day, trying to get her to come back to him, and I was really just a piece on the side to keep him warm until he got her talked into it. Wow, what a bucket of cold water THAT was. (He sure must have spent a lot of time on the phone!) But once I learned the truth, it was time to let the backbone take over. I ended it with him immediately and cut off contact. It wasn't my first visit to the rodeo, and if that's what you have to do, that's what you have to do. The next guy I met, some months later, is the one I'm still with after more than six years.

It's a self-discipline issue. When you want to lose weight, don't keep donuts in the house. She has identified correctly that this is not good for her, so quit crawling back every time he calls! You just have to make yourself do it.

"more inexperienced than anything else."

One would think she had to date to marry, unless she grew up in India.

Also, marriage is experience in and of itself.

If I wanted to scold her, I'd tell her not to be an douchebag dating idiot.