Humm. Thirty years ago, I would have been in more agreement with Amy, but in my day, it was a buyers market for women looking for men in college, and now, it is very much the reverse.
Sorting through all the men who ask you out to find the right one, is more difficult when women outnumber men in college almost two to one.
You know what kills most long term relationships? And no, it isnt men too wimpy or shy to ask you out, it is "money"
Before you start ignoring him, find out what his major is, how he is doing in school, and how he is funding college. If you have some other prospects, work on those, and put this one on the back burner. If ya dont, what do you have to lose, by investing a little more effort?
Maybe he has friends or a roomate? Asking to meet some of his friends or his brother can clarify a man's intentions toward you really quickly.
You have no future together if both of you have a pile of student loans and are both english, art, or journalism majors.
But if he is doing well in ROTC, engineering, the hard sciences, and either his parents, the college, or the government is paying all the bills, I would invest a wee bit more time finding out if there is any "there" there.

Wow. I'm glad I grew up in a more primitive time.

"fist-bumping with me for what seemed like a long time." What the hell? A lingering fist-bump? Is that code?

Sorry, Isab, wrong. A woman in her early 20s is at her attractiveness prime. She should not waste her time running after a guy who shows no interest in here -- for the reasons I stated. I had several women write to me to tell me they were in a similar situation and the guy turned out to be gay.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at November 5, 2013 11:26 PM

I am not talking about "running after" just not closing anything off with no good alternatives in sight.

And if she is really in the market, she shouldn't be in a place where there is no market. I.e. College. So if education, is her priority, she should be dating for casual fun, and she isn't "wasting her time" anymore than going out for a few drinks with friends, is "wasting your time".
I learned something from every man I knew that was wrong for me, and the main thing I learned was how to figure out what was right for me,, and how and where to look for those qualities. It worked.
You want kids, you want loyalty, you want values, chances of finding those qualities in a man who also knows how to put the moves on a woman, are slim, especially in this day and age where kissing a girl without a signed waiver, can get you on the sex offender registry.

Oh, and I actually had some pretty good sex in college with a guy that later decided he was gay, so that is no guarantee either. There are players out there who will put the moves on anyone they find attractive, man or woman. Most early twenty somethings are too busy thinking with their lady parts to recognize a potential keeper when they meet one.

I'd friendzone this guy and start dating someone else.

-It's a woman turning anything she can into a "positive" sign.-

Oh,I know. But it was fun mentally comparing it to the "elbow kiss" between Madeline Kahn and Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein.

I dunno Isab. I think it's good to evaluate what the future might hold with a potential partner, but if he's not interested, he's not interested. It sounds like he's already put her in the friend zone.

There's a possibility that he's totally clueless. More likely, though, that he just doesn't find her attractive. Could be that he's gay, could be that LW isn't his type/isn't attractive, could be that he thinks she's OK but annoying.

She needs to date other people. Maybe he'll decide he's jealous and make a move. Maybe he has a girlfriend at Big State U, and they break up over Christmas break. Things happen. I just wouldn't invest too much emotion in this one.

"We're a generation of men who were raised by women."-- Tyler Durden, in "Fight Club".
The guy's clueless, for sure. The internet is awash with dating gurus, but they haven't managed to reach everyone. Nobody teaches us this stuff in college.

I hear what you're saying, jefe, but to borrow another pop-culture reference, even wishy-washy Charlie Brown from Peanuts would have held this girl's hand by now. The fist-bump feels like a very conscious choice: a weirdly masculine gesture for a man to make to a woman, unless she's his sister, or a 10-year-old.

Sorry, Isab, wrong. A woman in her early 20s is at her attractiveness prime. She should not waste her time running after a guy who shows no interest in here -- for the reasons I stated. I had several women write to me to tell me they were in a similar situation and the guy turned out to be gay.

That was my suspicion, too. I think he should tell her. Yes, it's awkward, but it needs to be done. It's kinder to let her know so she can move on. Which will probably be to the next gay guy. There's seems to a type of straight woman that inexplicably finds herself always going after guys who turn out to be gay.

If the guy was going somewhere else soon, I'd say what the heck, she should give it a shot. (There was a column recently where that was the situation, and that's what I did say.) But in this case, he's had plenty of time and will have as much more as she's willing to give him. If he doesn't show interest, he's not interested. Like ahw said, it looks like he's already friendzoned her.

She might want to ask herself how much time she wants to keep spending with this guy if friendship is all it is and ever will be.

I think Amy's right, and not just because he's clearly not interested, but because if she makes a move, he might just have sex with her (why not?), and then she'll be wasting more time, emotion, and AVAILABILITY nailing some guy who didn't even ask her out and therefore won't be there for the long or short haul as SOON as something better comes along.

You talked until 2am and he didn't ask you out? Pull your head out

Agree, but there is one tiny possible exception that probably doesn't apply here:

"There are four possible reasons he hasn't: 1. He's gay. 2. He's got a girlfriend. 3. He's just not interested. 4. He's a huge wimp."

There is a fifth: He is interested and he's not a wimp, but you've said something or are in a situation that forces him to let you make the first move. For example, have you said anything to him like, "I'm not looking to date right now," or have you indicated you're attracted to someone else or are dating someone else but that isn't going anywhere?

This is the only scenario where you might have some hope. But barring that, he's just not that into you.

I think it's unlikely he has a girlfriend. Why would he keep that secret from the LW if he's not interested in dating her?

"Sorting through all the men who ask you out to find the right one, is more difficult when women outnumber men in college almost two to one."

Yeah but there are way way way more dating options now than back in your college days. For example she could just go online, and get hundreds of guys interested. (There the guys outnumber the girls).

This guy is displaying behavior that I have used too if I friend zoned someone (well no I wouldn't fist pump, but you get the idea).

I pretty much did that to a friend back when I was in my early 20's (we even once hung out till 3am). I wasn't attracted and he backed off, ignored me, got a gf, and we became friends again.

"There's seems to a type of straight woman that inexplicably finds herself always going after guys who turn out to be gay."

YES YES YES! I've known a couple. I have a Eastern European friend who liked a gay guy and told me "Gayness is an American Construct, he really wants to be with women".

!