Asking her about the intent she's trying to convey is a very good idea. Perhaps then, he can relate to the message even if he doesn't appreciate the medium.

It could also be used to ascertain whether his girlfriend is an intellectual snob. "Ugh! I just can't be with a man who's too stupid and insensitive to appreciate the intricacies and beauty of my abstract art!"

Perhaps she won't be quite so melodramatic about it, but there is something to watch for in the tone. Does she enjoy having to explain her art to him? Or is the annoyed edge coming through in her voice? That impatient tone that makes "I love you, dear" sound like "I'd like to carve my name in your chest with a rusty palette knife."

Most art schools these days pretty much 'brainwash' students with an anti-aesthetic, modernist view, and put a lot of pressure on the students to avoid creating beautiful things. It's possible she genuinely loves abstract art, or it's possible she's been inadvertently 'ruined' by her training ... it might be informative to (just for interest) look how she used to like to draw and paint before she entered art school, if you can. If she already tended toward abstract work before, then she's probably really into it. If she preferred creating beautiful things before she went to art school, it's possible she might have come under 'negative influence'. Unfortunately you're up against a wall of pressure the size of most the Western art world - for an artist to even consider creating aesthetically beautiful paintings is like professing to be gay in a Westboro Baptist Church - it can cause rejection by the art community and can be highly career-limiting. Also, she's possibly been 'taught' that anyone who even likes beautiful paintings is simple-minded; she may see you as a pleb (but you eventually need to know whether she is OK with you liking aesthetic art).

I agree asking her to explain the work is a very good idea, as you can look at how she thinks about the work and about things in general, and see how comfortable she is with it etc. As Patrick said, she might be one of those faux-intellectual snobbish types. Or he might just be misguided, or she might be genuinely passionate about abstract art, it's difficult to say. Unfortunately if one wants a career as a 'contemporary artist', unless you're a very talented aesthetic artist, usually you have to 'play the game' (there are jobs in 'aesthetic' art but more sort of 'commercial') .... so if she dreams of being the next Rothko or Pollock, then you're probably in for a lot more of this. Not liking her work is pretty fundamental ... depending on what's going on here, there might well be a basic incompatibility here between value systems or ways of thinking ... I must admit, I think I could never be with an abstract artist. E.g. abstract art embodies nihilism, which is opposite to my value system.

I used to draw Ren and Stimpy and Tom and Jerry for a boyfriend. His boxer eating Chinese food? That was me because I am an ARH TISTE.

Ok the truth is I just draw things I like compulsively at work during my weekly 3 hour meetings and daily phone calls with clients.

I love art but.....I kinda loathe abstract art for the most part.

My biggest issue?

I.....hate alot of Latin American art and I always have to keep my mouth shut among my edumacated Latin friends. Especially the artsy ones. I'm sorry I don't like it. I never have.

I adore pre Colombian stuff But I hate anything from 1900s on....including Frida and Diego.

I work with a lot of artsy people too-who do drawings for me to quote ....and I'm not into most of their vision. In fact I don't care what they see. . They love sending me text pics of the finished product--I told my doc the other day I just derive no pleasure or interest and in fact find them a bit full of themselves in regard to their artistic talent.

That being said I have met talented ones that I do enjoy but as a rule of thumb my field is full of people who while being talented it just makes them o.k. In the field.

(And the REAL TALENTED ones tend to be polite about my time, which most designers are not).

Ah the best analogy I can think of is....while Amy writes the words in a book, my job is to make the physical book and get it out the door.

Hence I don't generally care what the words are in the book. So people stop asking me to read your books! (metaphorically speaking).

I am in agreement with Lobster. Ask to see what she did in Junior High and High School before she got shoved into abstract art.

I have a close relative who won several art contests when she was in Junior High and High School.

When she got to college it was all about political correctness, and doing pieces that the teacher liked. Many of the assignments seemed designed to allow the instructor to give high grades for effort, rather than actual talent. It was very subjective, and most of what got A's was crap.

Remember, generally college instructors in the fine arts are people who failed to be good enough to make a go if it professionally.

Maybe if the LW could find something she did when she was younger that he really liked, he could say, this is more my taste. I wish you could do some more pieces in this style.

If she is offended by that, she is a no talent snob, and he needs to get out.

Your discussions on this point will certainly tell you whether or not you two are compatible.

It's all right not to like her work; the crucial point hinges on how you tell her that. It requires plenty of support, and perhaps even a blatant admission that you're not affected by her art.

If that's accompanied with "but I'll support you in your quest," that's a good first step.

If you demonstrate that you're supporting her (by talking up her goals, helping with exhibitions, writing up her promotional press releases, whatever), that's much better.

And if she can accept your inability to see the genius in her work and still love you, then you have the basis of a sound, harmonious relationship.

@"if she can accept your inability to see the genius in her work"

Something to keep in mind for her part, it can at times feel demotivating if the #1 person in your life doesn't share any passion for your 'vision' or goals. My wife has like no interest in my work (I own a software business), and while I know it "shouldn't" affect my motivation, it does ... it makes it a little bit harder to feel motivated, especially on days when I am feeling unmotivated already. Conversely, on the occasions when I feel excited about some work I've done, and want to share that with her, it isn't nice to get sort of a disinterested response from her, and nothing or little in the way of positive encouraging words etc. For your girlfriend to make her career a success in that line of work, she's probably going to go through many times where she is feeling unmotivated, and assuming she's pursuing a sensible career path, it will help her to have someone who really does believe in whatever her vision is, or at least can believe in her passion about it, and really be encouraging. Unless she's a naturally highly motivated type, it might not be very positive for her to come home every day to a sort of reminder of disinterestedness in her work, I don't know. Just something to consider.

I fear it will be like being with one who speaks a language you do not. It's just noise, until you learn enough to know what's going on.

I like what MarkD says above. Abstract art began w the impressionists and more or less finalized as a "movement" with the abstract expressionists ca 1960, and became just one more tool in the palette - these days artists have huge swaths of styles to explore that can be interesting without becoming cutesy (Thomas Kinkaid) or impenetrable -- HOWEVER like many subjects the abstract works are usually much more enjoyable once you understand a bit.

I mean a software designer can maybe look at some code or a new program/solution and be thrilled, entertained, stimulated - where to many people it looks like gibberish.

Artists working today in abstraction are aware of this, they are limiting their market away from the seascape sunday buyers and taking a risk they will find an audience. Many do what the 1700´s painters did and work in commercial art/design to support their habit - the Dutch masters painted commissions, portraits - since 1860´s photography took over that market, and few churches commission glorious ceilings these days - art has always been a bit of an insecure life.

So man, if you like this girl alot go to a class - art appreciation, read some books, go to some museums w great docents - she may indeed be a crap abstract painter (there are great ones) but you´ll never know without a key to the kingdom.

Well first though is: If it sells why do you care? You aren't the one buying it and most likely those that are don't know any more than you do. Many either have a personal art critic that picks the works for them, so she's creating worked that speak to art critics. Most having gone to the same schools and taught the same thing. The rest just buy stuff that looks like what they see in the galleries. Which is what she was taught in school to emulate/aspire too.

The other point is that some artists get a huge rush out of people hating their work. Halos out of urine comes to mind. Art for some is evocative. The fact that you hate her work might just work for. If you are ambivalent then keep it to yourself though. Ambivalence is usually hurtful to most artists.

The bad news is that MarkD and Lobster have great points. And she probably also knows you're faking it to some level right now, just like most of her unpretentious boyfriends were, at least at first. You just can't fool someone for that long. The good news is that if you really like her, she can bring something completely new into her life. It is a language, and you can quickly learn enough of it to see if you really get her, or you really just have the hots for her. The other good news is that she probably has the hots for you too, since she is waiting to see if you get her.

I'm sure she would love to help you understand her art. For one, most people want to be appreciated, and for another, most people like to show others new things. I thought I didn't like abstract art, until I blundered into an art gallery on a business trip. There I was, clueless, eating my ice cream cone like the tourist I essentially am on these trips, in an abstract art gallery. The store owner came over to me, very friendly, and even after I explained that I couldn't possibly afford anything, started chatting with me about the art. She is a nice person, like most people, and enjoyed introducing me to the local art community. (It might help that I'm a theoretical physicist, and so I tend to think abstractly.) I now have a new friend, and a real appreciation for art that I grew up making fun of.

Based on the letter, it seems she might be considering quitting her day job over this... and that's an entirely different issue. At that point, it's less about whether he likes her art and whether she's able to support herself (or financially contribute if they do decide to get married/merge finances). Really loving her art might make supporting her easier to swallow.

I helped my boyfriend out with rent for the better part of a year when he launched his business (which I truly believed in, so I didn't mind). But I know a couple where the woman quit her full-time job to do freelance web design (without the talent, skills or know-how to make much money). Her boyfriend begged her not to do it. She did it. Now he resents having to help her out financially.