Couple of thoughts . . . I have very little experience with online dating, as I tend to meet folks the old-fashioned way, through nightclubs and sex parties. That said, it's my understanding that eHarmony is one of the most conservative sites. Which is fine if that's what you're into, but it also means it's likely to be attracting the most conventionally minded folks, which perhaps leads to conventional ideas about what ages are appropriate for whom.

When I was toying with the idea of joining OKCupid (at the time, I had a husband, a boyfriend, and a girlfriend, but sort of just wanted to see what was out there since the latter 2 relationships were not longterm kind of things), I was talking to a friend who's about my age (late 40s). I said oh god, it's going to be all young people and I'm just going to get totally rejected. And she said no, her experience has been that she meets really interesting folks, and what they have in common is that they're not hung up on age. Sure, there are some "cougar hunters"--20something guys who have the whole older woman fetish (which, if you're only looking for a roll in the hay, could be just the ticket). But lots of people on OKCupid seem to look more at your activities, your interests, and your kinks. Of course some have no interest in us older ladies, but those ones are setting their age parameters so we don't see each other anyway, so no fault no fail.

So I'd say--try to sites for older folks. Try the more unconventional sites even if you're a kind of conventional person. And know that you're going to have to fend off a bunch of weirdoes but hey, after only having to fend off a couple of geriatric randos from the next site, maybe that'll be a nice break.

The other day I looked at some women's photos on OurTime (just for giggles; I'm married and have no interest in dating). Most of them looked over 50, so if the LW went there she at least would have as much chance of having an anchor as being one. Whether there are any men on that site who can still get around without a walker, I have no idea.

Someone should start an advice column where people post their dating profiles, and the advisor gives them advice on how to improve it.

Oh ouch, I didn't want to get even more discouraged this morning ... and then I read this.

I just turned 53. My husband recently left me for a 25 year old bimbo ... Like the lw I am fit, active, and hear "you can't possibly be old enough to have kids in their mid 20's" with regularity.

Now I'm really convinced I'll be alone forever.

BeccaB, I wouldn't blame you if you WANTED to be alone forever, after what you just experienced.

I'm so sorry you have been through this. Betrayal sucks.

But if you do feel like going out with men again at some point, I recommend bicycling. I see a LOT of men in their 50s and 60s out biking, usually by themselves, and they are nice-looking and in shape. In fact, they usually kick my ass - I'm always secretly annoyed when they pass me, flying by like a bat out of hell.

You don´t say if you are interested in younger men. I am your age group and online dating does not work for me with people who are age appropriate - - my age - These men tend to just want strange immediate sex whereas guys in their 30´s want interesting relationships - in my experience my age guy except in tech industries are not so comfortable with meeting online and tend to view it as a perversion, so that´s the typa activity they are envisioning.

many especially career successful younger men get loads of pressure from 20 and early 30´s women to get married, to be a sperm donor and meal ticket. There is a strong cadre of these type guys who do not want this, who want companionship sex relationship without the whole family overload, and these are the guys I meet at work and online. Its like shopping, gotta go the correct place to find what you are looking for

"I just turned 53. My husband recently left me for a 25 year old bimbo .."

If I ever become a dictator, this will be an illegal act punishable by death.

If we allowed this keep happening, we are going to see more of young, white, male and virgin shooters like Elliot Rodger. There are not simply enough young women between 20s and 30s to go around to meet the needs of every man between 20s and 90s.

Fat, rich and old men will be required by law to date women no younger than five years of his age. Please vote for me in this coming November.

"I just turned 53. My husband left me for a 25 year old bimbo."
Umm, look in the mirror: too many 50-something women shut their husbands off for sex-- and then piss on men who seek more intimacy from younger babes.

For LW, this is a tough one-- we'd have to see your profile to give more advice. Plentyoffish has a feature that lets members critique each other, FOR FREE.
I can't believe all the ladies who post pics of their extended families and grandkids online: buzzkill. Pics need to be of YOU.
Me, I just turned 60 and had to show proof of my age to get the senior discount for my water bill-- the city ladies didn't believe me. I have the bypass scar to prove it, though.
I generally won't respond to women's profiles past age 50 or so. Along with no desire for sex, most of them haven't aged well. Lose some weight! Let your hair grow out! Quit looking like a grandmother (I know you're proud of being one, but I won't date one).
A going-on 58 y.o. woman saw me online and we met at a Civil War event (lots of older guys there!) and she was smoking-- the other mens' brains turned to mush when they saw her. So, it's possible.

I'm curious about women like my mother, who is in her early 50s and looks 36. People think my father is her father.

Do older men clamor for older women like that? Or do they still want the 30 something year old who is actually 30 something?

I am an almost 59 year old woman who has no problem meeting men,

I get approached regularly by men age 40 and up at sporting events which I participate in.

I don't wear a wedding ring because it interferes with my sport, and it is too much trouble to take it on and off.

Once they find out I am married most back off. The ones that don't are the players.

They also under guess my age by about 15 years.
I suspect a lot of older women send out desperation vibes which men pick up on.

Sad to say, but online dating is a last refuge for both men and women, who have habits that make them unattractive to be around in person, or just hard to take.

Interesting people attract other interesting people, and if you aren't interesting by your fifties, Ya got nuttin, unless you are rich. In that case you will attract all sorts of losers for the wrong reasons.

> Umm, look in the mirror: too many 50-something women shut their husbands off for sex-- and then piss on men who seek more intimacy from younger babes

I won't quite go as far as making an accusation, but I'd say it's a 90% chance that there's at least some truth in what jefe said right here. And it's not just about sex, my impression as I get older is that many women seem to become less affectionate somehow as they get older - less 'caring', less interested in having an intimate connection. Maybe from being hurt, I don't know, or maybe it's some natural thing with aging. Or maybe it's just who I interact with these days, I don't know.

> If I ever become a dictator, this will be an illegal act punishable by death ... we are going to see more of young, white, male and virgin shooters like Elliot Rodger

No hint of irony, hmm .. oddly enough, dreaming of being a dictator that rules by force over everyone's love life to make it more 'fair' was exactly something Elliot Rodger described doing in his manifesto.

LW, you graduated when I did, so let me make a suggestion: the local Southern Cruisers motorcycle riding club.
It's a national club with local branches, it's not a Hell's Angels thing, and if you have sense about you they will respond, especially if you know how to shoot, ride, work or all three. It helps if you have passengered on a bike, but it is not necessary.

(Or you could call Crid. I hear that chicks dig him.)

"cougar hunters"--20something guys who have the whole older woman fetish

Is it a fetish? Or an appreciation for someone who wont insist on "lights off, missionary only, no noise, and my shirt stays on" sex?

and hear "you can't possibly be old enough to have kids in their mid 20's" with regularity.

Flirt back next time

"I just turned 53. My husband recently left me for a 25 year old bimbo .."
If I ever become a dictator, this will be an illegal act punishable by death

What if she was a bitch and treated him like crap?

I would be interested in knowing more about Becca's situation.

It has been my experience that by the time you are fifty, you and your spouse are either best friends, or you hate each other.

If it is the latter, your husband will leave for the first younger woman who seems to appreciate him.

My father in law was the latter

If you are truly best friends, and he is an honorable man, but sex just isn't your thing anymore, you can find ways to accommodate that outside the marriage, without it ending in a financial battle over splitting the assets.

If you as the wronged wife, want to make it my way or the highway, be prepared for him to walk.

I always find it odd that women who "claim" they dont care about having sex with their partner get so bent out of shape when he fucks someone else.

If you get that pissed its not that you didnt care about sex, its that your pissed he escaped your punishment.

Well, here I am ... BeccaB again. While I won't go into gory detail, I will say that my husband and I had been through 6 months of counseling, and sex was not an issue. We'd discussed that topic. He got hit hard by what appeared to be a mid life crisis. After more than 20 years of rarely drinking he started hanging out at the local bar, getting stupid drunk every night of every weekend. In addition, when drunk, his "desires" started to include some scary and even painful activities. I really tried to expand my boundaries. At his request, and with multiple promises that he was happier than he'd ever been, we discontinued counseling. Very shortly after that he met Skankity Twoshoes. Let's be clear. I don't really have any reason to hate her ... she wasn't the one who was unfaithful ... he was. I called her a bimbo because as I learned more about this girl I discovered that mine is not the first marriage she had negatively impacted. She has since moved on to yet another married man and my husband expected to be welcomed home with open arms. Not so fast there buddy boy ... Not so fast!
Long story short here, I put my heart, soul and body into making sure my husband and I were happy together. Sad to say, even my very best efforts couldn't keep up with the man he became. My point wasn't to slam him, or her. I just said that I am sad to think that maybe the number I have to enter on the line that says "age" might cause me to be dismissed without consideration.

To those who asked me to "look" in the mirror ... Wow, it hadn't even dawned on me to wonder what could be wrong with me. The idea that I should doubt myself, and feel like a failure as a wife and a woman hasn't been on my heart and in my head for almost two years now. Not at all. (Hope the sarcasm isn't lost on ya there)

Oh, and there was no rancor, no battle over assets. I did my very best to gracefully step away once it became clear that there was no fixing what went wrong. I still love the man I married, the man I shared almost 28 years with. We never hated each other ... not even sort of. It was heartbreaking and confusing to watch that man evaporate before my very eyes. Like I said I did everything I could to keep up with his changes. He crawled into a bottle never came out.

BTW ... his father did the same thing. So please ... be nice to me ... I tried so hard to make things work.

Becca, you might want to consider Alanon. Like chicken soup, won't hurt, might help.

BTW ... his father did the same thing. So please ... be nice to me ... I tried so hard to make things work.

Posted by: BeccaB at July 17, 2014 5:37 AM

So, your husband didn't leave you for a bimbo. He left you for alcohol.

This woman did nothing to your marriage. She was just available. Your husband's addiction was the problem.

I don't get exactly what you are implying here. That if your husband was still drinking excessively, but not fucking around, you would not have divorced?

12-Step programs and their offshoots are not science-based.

Here's a program that is:

http://www.hamsnetwork.org/harm-less/

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 17, 2014 6:28 AM

A "science based program"is only as good as the science behind it.

Also chemotherapy is science based. But it doesn't seem to help a large percentage of cancer patients at all.

When you turn science into a religion, and wave it around like a magic wand, it tends to yield very poor results.

Point well taken ... Maybe he did leave me for alcohol and she was the simply the last straw. However, it's hard NOT to feel as if he was leaving me for her. He moved in with her until she found a new married man. Does that help my statement make sense on a purely emotional level? I hope you didn't miss the part where I said I don't hate her. She was a single gal, free to do whatever, and whomever she pleased. It was his responsibility to say NO to her.

We were in counseling, things seemed good - real good - I was blindsided by what happened ... I am not a "doormat" who would have lived with a stumbling drunk forever. PLEASE people ... my whole point was this ...

It scares me to think that my chronological age could cause me to be dismissed without further consideration.

I guess I should have simply said "I am recently single" and left out the rest.

It scares me to think that my chronological age could cause me to be dismissed without further consideration.

I guess I should have simply said "I am recently single" and left out the rest.
Posted by: BeccaB at July 17, 2014 7:15 AM

Chronological age is not a deal breaker. But don't act or feel desperate. It shows. Also if possible avoid the online stuff.

I am your age, and don't find my age to even be a factor. I am very good at a sport a lot of men really like, and have met literally hundreds of men through it.
Email me if you want to know what it is.

Find a hobby that a lot of hetro men like, or get a job at a business that caters to men. Be open, friendly and chatty.

I don't know what you currently do, or your education level, but you must know other men through your children, and social relationships right?

What do you like to do? Find a man who likes to do what you like to do, and start a friendship.

I have a good friend whose wife went off the deep end when their son was killed.

His daughter and other family members are helping him meet people.

If my husband dies before I do, I have plenty of friends, and interests to fill my life. I cant replace him, and won't try.

Where do you live Becca? Anywhere close to me, and you can come over to dinner, and I can give you a list of men, who are looking for a woman who likes them, and will treat them well.

But do pay attention to what the men on the board say. Short practical haircuts, in natural gray, are for women who want to be grandma's not girlfriends. Don't go that route.

Actually, I am older than you by five years.

Ok this is the last I will say ... I am 5 foot tall, weigh 105 pounds, have carefully maintained light brown hair down to the middle of my back, I teach classes at a local college, have a masters degree and a profession that I enjoy. I have participated in humanitarian projects and traveled extensively. I think I am prettier now than I did when I was 23 and I KNOW I am more interesting now than I was then. That is why I fear that when I am ready to consider dating I may be filtered out as "too old". It would be unethical for me to date men I meet at work. (read: medical professional) I am not suffering from a lack of attention ... a couple of my daughter's guy friends have asked me if I had ever thought of myself as a "cougar". Flattering, but I'm not looking for a romp. I'd like to find a friend as well as a mate.
I am not wallowing, I am sad to have lost the relationship I tried so hard to nourish and maintain. I'll be fine ... with or without a man. I like me.

> Also chemotherapy is science based. But it doesn't seem to help a large percentage of cancer patients at all.

In contrast to all those non-science-based cancer 'cures' that are working SO WELL! Remind me again which ones?

As long as we're sharing recommendations for scienced-based recovery programs, my good friend has met with success with SMART Recovery:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

I resent that notion that when you get older in marriage you just stop having sex and that's what makes men go find younger hotter women. Puhlease. Not my situation either, but if you were to read between the lies my ex says, you would think it. He says "we weren't intimate" - meaning she didn't endorse my increasingly narcissistic behavior, would be hurt over my verbally abusive tirades, and didn't want to come out of her shell because it's just gonna happen again. But sex wasn't the problem. The straw here was the 20 year old I caught him sexting with. I'm just tired of that notion that something is wrong with the wife, when in all likelihood people just either become better people together or more inclined to be the asshole they want to be.

a couple of my daughter's guy friends have asked me if I had ever thought of myself as a "cougar". Flattering, but I'm not looking for a romp.

Most divorces are initiated by women, and society in general treats most men like crap. Sure there are exceptions. My point is, while many men still want a relationship they dont want marriage.

They want friends with benefits, they dont want drama, they dont want irrational baggage, and given the availability of online porn, if you arent a better option than a $30 dollar a months subscription and masturbation, you wont find many dates.

I'll date a woman for maybe a month tops before I move on if there is no sex. It might sound shallow but I'm not going to invest months in a relationship only to find out there is no sexual chemistry or that our notions of "regular" sex are worlds apart.

Well Isab made a really good point. I'm going to make a sweeping generalization here based on experience but there is no real incentive for a woman to do the online dating thing unless she has some type of character flaw.

Yes, there are women who online date who make great partners but in my experience it is the overwhelming minority. And I do mean overwhelming.

I had several female friends who only used online dating and I can tell you in no uncertain terms they made terrible dates and partners. Most were attractive, and none were fat, but they had deep personality problems or beliefs.

One in particular didn't know how to socialize, and would go on dates where both parties would be mute due to her awkwardness. Since she was a psychology major ironically she didn't realize the problem was her and couldn't understand why she didn't meet more outgoing men.

Really pretty women who use online dating usually have troubling histories. The prettier the more likely she will fuck you up.

On the other hand, men have more of an incentive and I have known several who would make great partners, usually the programming/nerd types.

Well, I'll elaborate ... By "I'm not looking for a romp" I mean I'm not offering myself up to someone the same age as my youngest child just so he can cross "older woman" off his list.

I'm in my 50s, and I would date a woman like you describe yourself, Becca, if I wasn't married. I would recommend taking up running over cycling, since runners tend to nicer guys, and you can more easily talk to and see what a woman looks like running than biking. (I do the occasional triathlon, and I know guys in many related sports.) The mere fact that I know that says that I've sometimes thought about leaving.

I think what happens is that when women get depressed or angry in a relationship, she tends to withdraw physically. Also, when the initial ardor cools. In contrast, men tend to get more assholey. When I wasn't getting any at home and she hated my mere touch, I felt unloved. No, I was unloved. The guys I know who have left their wives, and married younger women, were in the same boat. They didn't really leave for a younger woman, the left for a woman who actually loved them.

I also have to agree with Lobster. While men often mellow with age, many women get harsher. Many young women aren't just pretty, they are sweet and kind. Men seem more likely to be sweet and kind at 50 than 25. Pretty only goes so far, sweet and kind mean much more in a relationship.

The other thing I see, and I think this applies to you Becca, is that a woman better participate in her man's favorite activity. Even if a guy takes up a hobby completely innocently, and all guys worth knowing have at least one, sooner or later he will develop a rapport with a woman participating in the same hobby. (Even if its just a few beers after a softball game.) If it happens while your relationship is in the doldrums, even the best intentioned man can stumble. Your husband clearly became an alcoholic, and started spending time in bars, and was bound to meet someone willing. I'm not saying you should have gone drinking; I'm saying your relationship was over before he left.

I also agree with john philpot, but he has it backwards. It is extremely hard to stay loyal to a woman with someone who insists "on "lights off, missionary only, no noise, and my shirt stays on" sex?" That is much more likely to be an older woman's attitude than a younger. I don't know if it is a combination of self-esteem and physical ability to do things, but asking Mrs. Slow to take her shirt off has to be worse than getting a young woman to try anal, from what I've read. An older woman willing to give a blow job have men lining up for dates, if there was some kind of nonsleazy way of men knowing her willingness.

I must confess that when I hear a woman say something like "I'm not looking for a romp", my male ear hears this as "I don't really have a positive attitude toward sex, and my interest in a sex life is a distant N'th place behind other things that are more important". Maybe it's unfair and judgmental but to me that is important, so I feel exactly like lujlp says here: "I'm not going to invest months in a relationship only to find out there is no sexual chemistry or that our notions of "regular" sex are worlds apart". On the plus side, if those are your priorities, I'd probably not be your type in any case.

> He left you for alcohol.

An unrelated tale. I was once dating this girl, and one day we went to visit her sister, who I was meeting for the first time. For weeks I had heard nothing from my gf but what a 'useless, useless drunk' her sister's husband was who 'did nothing but drink and work on his boat'.

Anyway, when we arrived it struck me immediately that my gf's sister was highly verbally abusive - literally the whole afternoon, and I'm not exaggerating, every word out her mouth was either criticizing her husband, or criticizing my girlfriend (and in front of guests). Every single thing he (or my gf) tried to do was 'wrong', whether it was peel potatoes or feed the baby or feed the dog. And from what I could tell, he seemed like a decent guy, trying to help with everything and getting criticized constantly for it. Needless to say by the end of the day he was back working on his boat with a beer in his hand, so I joined him. From what I could tell, in spite of his drinking problem, he was holding down a stable job and was feeding and housing the family while his wife didn't even work. After we left I told my girlfriend, 'no wonder he drinks'.

That whole family was a bit messed up, that gf also turned out to be abusive, she started punching me soon after that .. that relationship didn't last long.

Anyway, I think addiction is sometimes just an attempt to escape from a bad situation.

> I think addiction is sometimes just an attempt to escape from a bad situation

To be clear, this isn't to say that people sometimes aren't the cause of their own bad situations - of course they sometimes are. But anyone who realizes that their marriage is failing is probably automatically under stress over it, even if (or especially if) it's their fault.

> "I don't really have a positive attitude toward sex"

@BeccaB - I want to stress, I don't really mean this in a critical way ... sorry if it comes across as offensive, or if it's just incorrect, I was speaking very generally there, not about you, as I don't know you. Also, I don't 'blame' women for having their preference, though it's a long story for me to explain my views on that, I'll spare the explanation.

-- The other thing I see, and I think this applies to you Becca, is that a woman better participate in her man's favorite activity. Even if a guy takes up a hobby completely innocently, and all guys worth knowing have at least one, sooner or later he will develop a rapport with a woman participating in the same hobby. (Even if its just a few beers after a softball game.) --

Leaping lizards, puhlease again. You can't be with them ALL THE TIME!! My husband was up my butt 24/7 unemployed and on the couch while I work from home and still figured out how to get catfished on the XBox by a 20-year-old (I don't guess it was a true catfish, she really was 20, just not the bombshell she pretended to be). If they want to stray they will. If they're happy and content, they could manage a Hooters and not fall to temptation.

And seriously SMT, you can ply a woman with conversation over a few weeks and figure out what she's into or not into. It shouldn't take months of investment to figure out what you're dealing with, adventurous femme or got their sex ed from a Catholic nun. I'll give you a suggestion to get the ball rolling. Just bring up the whole 50 Shades books - mention they're making a movie based on it or something. See what reaction you get. Listen close. If she raves that it's on her kindle right now, winner winner chicken dinner (and you better get to reading those books). If her only objection to the series is the prose that was written by a teenager, then you're in the ballpark - that was some really awfully written stuff. If she gasps that she'd never, ever stain her eyes with that garbage in a million years, well you're close to your answer without even a decent dinner invested.

He crawled into a bottle never came out.

BTW ... his father did the same thing.

This is a side issue, but the second sentence above is a HUGE red flag, and anyone who's in or considering a relationship should be aware of it. I'm firmly convinced that addiction has a major genetic component.

I also agree with john philpot, but he has it backwards. It is extremely hard to stay loyal to a woman with someone who insists "on "lights off, missionary only, no noise, and my shirt stays on" sex?" That is much more likely to be an older woman's attitude than a younger. I don't know if it is a combination of self-esteem and physical ability to do things, but asking Mrs. Slow to take her shirt off has to be worse than getting a young woman to try anal, from what I've read. An older woman willing to give a blow job have men lining up for dates, if there was some kind of nonsleazy way of men knowing her willingness.

Becca, I'm not dating. I don't need tips in how to find women. I'm just married to a good, kind woman, who became so restrictively incompatible that it is hard to resist temptation. And temptation is all too easy to find.

If I were you, Becca, I can't see why miss that man at all, nor even why you married in the first place. Or did he become a deadbeat around the time he succumbed to alcoholism? I'm also not sure why you miss him. Surely it is better to struggle to find dates than it is to be married to a guy like that?

If you know how to advertise, as you say, and you are fit and attractive, it is hard to understand why you are struggling to find dates. We men are pretty simple, from a man's point of view. A pretty, sweet, and kind woman who is good with good sex just needs to have something in common with a good man to form a lasting relationship, and nothing at all in common for a year or two relationship.

Y'know, reading all of these responses, I am SO glad I'm in a relationship, even with all the crap that goes with it. I'm almost 57, he's almost 59, we've been together 11 years, and there have been ups and downs, as there are in any relationship, but if things go south with us, I won't have any regrets, and I won't be in a hurry to hook up with anyone. I enjoy my alone time, and he enjoys his, and we enjoy our time together.

That said, I must be some kind of anomaly. I still get told I look like I'm in my 30s, I still enjoy sex, BF stills gets blow jobs, and we still have our weekly date night, even though we've been living together all this time. I think LW needs to lighten up on herself and just enjoy herself, and life, and all that. Even though it sounds like she does, she's worried about what's "missing" in her life. It isn't that she needs a guy to fulfill her life, it's just that we've all bought into the whole "needing someone to share with/someone to complete me" thing. And while it's nice to have, I don't really think it's essential.
And not for nothing, but the very minute I stopped "looking for someone" was when my "someone" found me.

So enjoy what you're doing, LW, and have some patience. What you're looking for will find you when you least expect it. Cliche' I know, but dammit, those cliches' are true for a reason!

Also chemotherapy is science based. But it doesn't seem to help a large percentage of cancer patients at all.

In contrast to all those non-science-based cancer 'cures' that are working SO WELL! Remind me again which ones?

Posted by: Lobster at July 17, 2014 10:15 AM

Well Lobster, according to the doctor who wrote "the Emperor of all Maladies". Leaving cancer alone or just simple surgery is less risky than poisoning yourself with chemotherapy, if you have non metastic cancer.

Had a friend, who recently died from chemo side effects. It is not without risk.

Doing nothing is often better for low grade slow moving cancers, than trying to eradicate them.

Leaving cancer alone or just simple surgery is less risky than poisoning yourself with chemotherapy, if you have non metastic cancer.

Maybe thats why they do that then.

My aunt had a tumor on her kidney, non metastic, they cut it out laproscopically, hardly scrapped her kidney, and just ran blood tests and had MRI's for a few months afterwards

I'm glad I'm not in the dating world. I'm over 30 and don't know the rules.

> Leaving cancer alone or just simple surgery is less risky than poisoning yourself with chemotherapy, if you have non metastic cancer

Even if that's true (I don't know), you know how you figure that out? The scientific method. An analysis of success rates of chemotherapy vs no intervention would be called "science". There is no other method for evaluating this claim.

@Isab
Hm, here is some more info on the author of "The Emperor of all Maladies":

"Mukherjee's scientific work has been recognized through many NIH and private foundation grants, including the prestigious NIH "Challenge Grant" awarded to pioneering researchers in 2009." ... "Mukherjee has published widely in scientific journals, including papers in Nature, Neuron, the Journal of Clinical Investigation, The New England Journal of Medicine and others"

I must say that sounds to me exactly like a scientist doing scientific work using the scientific method, being peer-reviewed by fellow scientists, and publishing in various leading scientific journals ....... and that is your example of someone who 'proved science wrong'? On the contrary, his work sounds to me like a stellar example of the scientific method being used to learn new things about cancer treatment.

Mukherjee's website, bio, and brief list of selected scientific publications:
http://sklad.cumc.columbia.edu/pharm/cumc/profile_new.php?id=318
Those are top-notch scientific journals, too - they don't generally publish rubbish, they usually publish the best and most thorough leading scientific research.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddhartha_Mukherjee

I dunno how this turned to cancer treatment, but I have some experience here. Each cancer is different, even within organs they are different - there are many forms of breast cancer from the scary kind to the 'let's just do the lumpectomy kind.' But let's listen to the oncologist, radiation oncologist, and the surgeon and make a decision accordingly. I just don't like generalizations that may keep a person from pursuing something life-saving to avoid potential side effects. Every chemotherapy is different and they affect patients differently too, one person may be throwing up every day, the other may be eating steak and lobster. You just don't know until you try it. And if you want to kick cancer's ass, sometimes it's best to listen to what your best shot statistically is and then make the best decision for you. I've seen far too many women come in with breast cancer that had already burst through the skin because they were scared of the diagnosis and treatment. Let's not perpetuate that notion.

"I'm glad I'm not in the dating world. I'm over 30 and don't know the rules."

Here's the rules: divorced women in their fifties got the house and the kids and the child care payments. The kids are now gone, they payments are finished, the women are headed into menopause, and they're angry, angry, angry.

Because of this, the men they meet are worthless pieces of crap, and they're very, very happy to tell them so.

For entertainment and support, their women friends get hammered with them and exchange tales of the bastard (former husband who no longer is required to send monthly checks) and the losers (men they're currently meeting who have zero buy-in to their old issues and do not want to be a walking ATM) and the closet gays (men they've met who have rejected them to seek out women with better attitudes).

While some of the guys in their age group are gigantically overweight, disgusting, and clueless, these aren't the men they're complaining about. They're mad because they're not getting the same reaction from hot guys they had when they were 19. This, too, is the man's fault.

These may not be 'rules', but they certainly are the operational environment. Please try to maintain a happy marriage and avoid this environment if you can.

My wife and I met through Single Booklovers, back before the internet. I answered a ad in the back of Natural History magazine. They are still around and are of course online now. They show you profiles based on what books and authors the other members like. This a great resource for introverts. If you read much at all, this is worth a shot. We have been married almost 30 years.

"But let's listen to the oncologist, radiation oncologist, and the surgeon and make a decision accordingly. I just don't like generalizations that may keep a person from pursuing something life-saving to avoid potential side effects. Every chemotherapy is different and they affect patients differently"

This is a point where I disagree. When my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer, which both the surgeon and her primary care doctor agreed was an extremely slow growing tumor, the oncologist was sneaking into her hospital room when I wasn't there trying to sign her up for chemotherapy.

She was 85 years old, and I had a medical power of attorney.
There isn't a single study that indicates chemotherapy has done anything to lengthen the lives of people with stomach cancer.

A very helpful doctor who I met on this forum pointed me to the studies.

Chemotherapy isn't just about side effects. Often it is about killing you much quicker than the cancer would have. It is also about it being the standard course of treatment that insurance will pay for regardless of what the studies show for the type of cancer you have.

The diagnostics at most hospitals, are still very poor, and very generalized when it comes to typing cancer, and targeted treatment.

My 85 year old mother is now 89, and doing quite well, based on my ignoring the oncologist, and taking the advice of the doctors who were not going to make any money off of her treatment.

If I had cancer, and was considering chemo, I would be taking to a geneticist who specialized in cancer research. They could tell me if the form of cancer I had was susceptible to chemo, what type of chemo might work, and probably what my odds were. The idea that your average oncologist is going to know this, or be forthcoming with it, is just ludicrous.

They are in the business of selling chemo, just like the car dealership down the street sells Toyotas, whether you actually need one or not.

You're doing people a disservice here, please knock it off. Yes, the average oncologist understands molecular testing. Yes they understand targeted therapy. Yes they test for it ALL THE DAMN TIME. Stop acting like your mother's GIST shouldn't have been treated at all, whenever there's very good targeted therapy that's readily available at treatment centers for that - like Gleevec or Sutent. No, they would not recommend chemo, but you seem to have associated that your mother's case must be indicative of a problem in the area of oncology, but her's is a random case and pertains to her oncologist and the care you state was subpar - alone. Most ALL cancers aren't slow growing, some tumors are. Don't generalize your mother's outcome to be a hex upon all oncologists who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. They're pretty damn smart, know their field and are up-to-date on all the new drugs as they hit the market - thank you very much.

It's amazing all of the interesting posts on this subject.

My two cents: when I was on Match.com nearly 14 years ago, I didn't wait for them to approach me. In fact, the guys that did weren't that interesting to me.
I approached the men I thought were interesting/attractive, had honest pictures, an intelligent "blurb" and just asked. I would say, after checking out my profile, probably 50-60% of the guys followed up.

Met the guy I married doing just that. He often says that he's so glad I found him!

Good luck!

Isab, from your remark about dating sites it is abundantly clear that you (and your mindset) are closing in on 59. There are probably far more people under 40 than over on most dating sites, and they aren't necessarily desperate. The internet is the new (well, to you apparently) way to meet potentially suitable mates. I have met some very attractive, active people online, many of whom are successful professionals. A lot of people don't have a lot of time to go out and meet in person, and a lot of people work in jobs that have limited opportunities for socializing. I work for a tech company that is over 85% male, which is not atypical. Conversely, I know women in health care fields where that ratio is almost reversed.

eHarmony doesn't match you with people who are 20 years younger or older.
If a 60 year old man joins and puts down that he'd like to meet a woman 20-35, the system will not let them do it. It has a cut off of a certain amount of years either way.
I am unsure of exactly how many years either way b/c it was over 8 years ago I was a member.
They do have the ages a bit skewed towards older men/younger women but not by a lot. It was something like, a 45 year old woman could put around 38-57 as her span for men and for a man the same age, it was around 33-55.
I met my husband via eHarmony and he is 2.5 years younger than me. I tended to like dating younger guys but it kept me from dating ones who were too young.