While it's most likely true that the girlfriend is paranoid, I can't discount the possibility that what the LW describes as "glance" would be seen by a neutral observer as "stare with my tongue hanging out and drool running down my chin."

You could be right Rex and he could be leering like a pig. However, unless he's pitching a tent everytime he sees an American Apparel ad I'm going to go with "paranoid control freak".

I think a little insecurity might be normal in the beginning of a relationship as you feel each other out. I know I have my own issues from abuse as a child. The difference is I know I have to work on them. My husband is not my whipping boy for every nitpick and paranoia about how I look in these jeans. Besides, if I REALLY thought a man was a pig who was secretly eye-boinking everything in my age and ethnic demographic, why would I even be with him? I'm of the category to tell LW to get out now before he ends up like my ex-roommate,living in virtual hiding in another state with no social media after his last gf was convinced him helping me wash our mutual dishes was a sign of infidelity. (She broke a glass pitcher over her head, set the couch on fire and called the police claiming he tried to murder her).

She's a High-Conflict crazy-- she sounds like Mary Lincoln.

Yeah, Rex, that was my thought when I read the headline, but in the letter she wants him to cut off all contact with women... an unrealistic demand.

How much effort you want to put into this, LW, depends on how much the relationship means to you... does she have a history of being cheated on? If so, is it worth it for you to help her through her issues?

The comment about age and race made me wonder if she was Asian or another race that people tend to fetishize and maybe she's dealing with issues around that? (There've been a few articles about this problem recently on some of the sites I frequent)

This reminds me of the time my abusive ex beat me for "checking out" a pedestrian on the sidewalk while I was driving.
I did indeed "check him out", I was trying to determine whether or not he intended to dart out in front of my moving vehicle. But I was unable to persuade the ex that that was all I was looking for.
Run away from the control freak, LW.

My girlfriend and I are mostly happy together, but we have this ongoing fight where she accuses me of wanting to cheat whenever I so much as glance at a woman she perceives to be my "type" (any woman roughly her age and ethnicity).

"Mostly happy" reads to me as "partly miserable." If you wake up in the morning worrying about where and when the next blowup will happen (and I'll bet the LW does worry), you're probably not in a good place.

I suppose LW and his girlfriend can talk it over; whether it would do any good remains unknown. She may try to do something about her insecurities, but LW needs to realize he can't "fix" her, no matter how much he cares about her. That's on her.

This reminds me of an old Christopher Titus episode about an abusive girlfriend who beat him up for looking at a commercial with the Doublemint Twins.

The episode was for laughs but he says the abuse was real. She would attack him, then seduce him. LW better watch out for the real crazy.

"But I don't see how I can stop doing things like talking to the checker at the supermarket or looking at someone crossing the street."

Replace 'how' with 'why' and then you will be moving in a better direction.

Is this the first girlfriend he has ever had? Why is he putting up with this shit?

If the girlfriend was the LW, hopefully Amy would advise her that she would be happier without a boyfriend at all. I'd tell her to get a dog or cat instead, since they stay inside your house all the time and never have to encounter other people if you don't want them to.

I've "been" with this girl....They never change....Time to break up.........

Dunno PJ my dog is a human ho.

He loves running up to strangers and declaring his eternal love. He has gotten into open cars with people he's never met of his own accord,

This type of irrational lunacy isn't something he will be able to change with rational conversation. She is a jealous control freak and he needs to run for his life because she will only get worse. Usually when women get involved with this type of man there is abuse involved (like Tangerine describes above). Women who have this kind of crazy can become abusive too, or just plain bat-shit, like Amy describes, the burning couch. But it doesn't really change. I have an ex who similarly tried to control me. I couldn't look at the driver next to me on the freeway without being accused of ... ahem.... infidelity. It never ended, and to my knowledge, 30 years later the guy is still a control freak.

I'm with Ppen, my Tonkinese cat is a total slut for attention and will cuddle up to anyone with a warm lap. *Not* a good fit for someone who is jealous.

I wonder how many men have gone to bed with their sweethearts, and woken up dumped because she had a DREAM about him with another woman.

Ha! jefe, I know a girl that happened to. Her (now ex-)husband had a dream about her and another man, and it must have been good, because he could not get past it. That wasn't the only reason they got divorced, but it was the looniest.

jefe, that hits home - I woke up mad at my husband because I had a dream he was having sex with a neighbor while I was in the other room. Oddly, he still doesn't understand my annoyance with him over that transgression.

No one is suggesting that the girl will change on her own with rational conversation. That's why Amy wisely suggested a therapist who specializes in CBT.

Though I suspect she's unlikely to do it. She doesn't see anything at all unreasonable about her behavior or expectations.

She'll probably refuse, in which case, LW's job is easy. Dump her.

Well played, Tasha.

jefe "I wonder how many men have gone to bed with their sweethearts, and woken up dumped because she had a DREAM about him with another woman."

Didn't break up, but did cause a fight/silent treatment.

OMG, dump her crazy ass NOW!

I say this because, a few years ago, my boyfriend's adult son began dating this gal's twin. They now have a child, and DumbDick, CrazyChick, and the baby are all living in my house. And now that they have a child together, he's unfortunately stuck with her crazy ass. Oh, sure, they could break up, but he'll still have to deal with her - and the rest of us will have to deal with her - for the next umpteen gazillion years.

Again, DTMFA. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00, do not try to "help" her, just dump her ass asap.

I wonder how many men have gone to bed with their sweethearts, and woken up dumped because she had a DREAM about him with another woman.

I had a girl pull this on me once. She asked me "why I did it"

I told her it was because she backed out of her promise to have a threesome

"I never promised that" she said

"You did in a dream I had" I said

Things went down hill from there

Heh, my wife dreamed the other day I cheated on her with her sister. She doesn't seem overly bothered.. we both agree that's a pretty unlikely scenario though.

LW's gf sounds overly controlling, I agree he should assert himself a bit, and if she can't handle that or deal with it, then end it. Guys have a kind of "female radar" that is active constantly and unconsciously. Generally it doesn't mean anything regarding the relationship we're in.

@lujlp "You did in a dream I had" .. lol

I had a gf who was also on the paranoid side, like LW's, I caught her one day going through my phone and she also went through my computer files when I wasn't there. Ten to one LW's gf is doing similar behind his back.

A long time ago, my first girlfriend developed schizophrenia, which did not respond to the rather poor treatments of that era. Eventually I had to break it off - or I'd have been in the loony bin with her. But this woman actually sounds far more difficult to get along with!

If the LW is truthful, this woman is mentally ill, although it's probably a much different sort of problem than my girlfriend. And that may be good - there's a better chance that it is curable, IF she will accept that she has a problem and will apply every effort towards making therapy work. But otherwise, he is in danger, not just of wearing himself into a breakdown trying to deal with the craziness, but of her telling stories that put him in jail. Or he could wake up to find his bed on fire or her doing home surgery ala Lorena Bobbit.

He has two choices that don't involve letting a crazy woman ruin his life:

1. Run now.

2. Make it clear that she needs to get therapy, to seriously work at getting better, and to show improvement, or he is gone, AND STICK TO THAT.

@lujlp "You did in a dream I had" .. lol

Her immediate response was that was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard. And I asked wouldnt that also make it the dumbest thing you've ever said?

And continuing her morning of total self denial she skiped past thinking about anything and asked if I was calling her stupid.

And I said, "of course not, I'm just agreeing with you"

And then things really went down hill

Anyone else picturing this gal as Gollum and the guy as her Precious?

Guys have a kind of "female radar" that is active constantly and unconsciously.

Mine is anything but unconscious. It is active: I evaluate every woman I meet as a potential sex partner. I'm thinking that this is a man thing, and gay, bi, and ? men do the same, as appropriate.

Generally takes less than 30 seconds.

Tho I do find the results sometimes interesting. There are women that my rational brain says "what's wrong with that?" and that...instinctive part sez "ehhh". I have wonder what subliminal read I'm getting.

Anyone else consider that the people that scream the loudest that their partner is cheating, is typically cheating themselves. Or at least considering it...

There is a french expression that approximately translates to "people don't look under beds unless they have been there themselves."