The converse of this, of course, is when a woman complains because her man won't "open up".
In this case, it's not because women are typically bashed for having 'feelings' and told to 'man up'; rather, it's because too many women really, really, do not have lives of their own... outside of the little screens in their left hand.
They're the ones who find the activities that give their prospective spouses their own personal identities-- and make them so interesting to begin with--unacceptable in a marriage.
My gums bleed for these women, who spend years gaining valuable education, and have nothing to show for it when they wind up divorced at forty, wondering where to meet "real men".

I actually had a girlfriend like that, ages back... Sunday nights, I'd turn on Dave Emory's political investigative reporting, which can be pretty hard to digest if you're not ready.
She'd take her tv in the back room and watch Falcon Crest.
Many times since then, she'd see the sh!t hit the fan on the evening news, and call me up, asking "What's Dave saying about this?" She was finally a Believer.
Once, in 1984, I nearly turned off the radio, when he said the show that night would look at AIDS as a product of the bio-warfare labs. I was shocked, but being a faithful listener, I let him say his piece, and I was in total agreement at the end. Nothing I've seen since then has changed my mind, either.
Dave's programs are still available at www.spitfirelist.com-- check it out.

Per the LW: This led to my suggesting that maybe she needs to see a therapist to learn to open up more. She was pretty offended, and we haven't talked much since.

Gee, Freud, what an ingrate she turned out to be! And you were only trying to help, too.

Maybe the poor gal thinks the LW's opinions are arrogant and stupid, but she's too nice to tell him plainly.

By the way, right under the "Private Sessions with Amy" link, the ad generator has presented an unappetizing advertisement for curing nail fungus. I wonder what context generated that?

Did you notice that the very first thing that he says about his GF is that she is "really pretty"?

So...he wants to have a "meaningful relationship", but the first thing that he mentions is her looks.

Well, a woman *can* be good-looking and have a brain. But the combination of looks + kindness + intelligence is very rare.

Word of warning Rick, White Knights tend to get drawn and quartered round these parts of the web.

LW, in this letter you come off as a patronizing, arrogant asshat. Please break up with this woman immediately so that she no longer has to put up with being tested and browbeaten by a self-important, know-it-all gasbag.

Meh, big deal. Most women have few strongly-held opinions on politics, philosophy or current events. Every single woman I've ever been in an LTR with has adopted my opinions, including a couple of hardcore liberals who converted to libertarianism. Of course they went back to being liberals after we split, because that's what the herd tells them to be. Most women are very malleable when it comes to these kinds of opinions, at least when they're with a man who has a strong personality.

Most men would love to find a woman who is pretty, sweet and deferential, rather than the ugly feminist scolds who populate large swaths of America. Sounds a little like LW would prefer to date a man, or at least a masculine woman.

@MikeInRealLife -- Either you don't care to date educated, independent-minded women, or they don't care to date you. Probably both. Since you seem to equate having independent opinions with being "masculine" or an "ugly feminist scold," it's not surprising that your acquaintance does not include many of them. That does not mean that "most women have few strongly-held opinions on politics, philosophy or current events."

@MikeInRealLife -- Either you don't care to date educated, independent-minded women, or they don't care to date you. Probably both. Since you seem to equate having independent opinions with being "masculine" or an "ugly feminist scold," it's not surprising that your acquaintance does not include many of them. That does not mean that "most women have few strongly-held opinions on politics, philosophy or current events."
Posted by: Gail at August 30, 2014 11:48 AM

I agree with Mike. As a woman with a graduate degree in law, and an undergrad degree in History, I meet many people (mostly women) with strongly held emotional opinions on politics, philosophy and current events, but they have no grasp of the underlying structure of government or the history behind those topics, so their opinions, strongly held or not, are pretty much crap.

I have found many men who will change their opinion when they acquire greater insight.

Most women, never will.

I have found many men who will change their opinion when they acquire greater insight.

Funny, I have found many men who will change their opinion when they think it'll get em laid.

I have found many men who will change their opinion when they acquire greater insight.

Funny, I have found many men who will change their opinion when they think it'll get em laid.

Posted by: lujlp at September 1, 2014 11:42 AM

Yep, that is a great motivator too. The two are not mutually exclusive. :-).

Isab, it must be lonely to be so vastly superior to all the women around you. Most of the men, too, sounds like, at least until they acquire greater insight.

Ha, Lujlp! I think a lot of people, male and female, doctor up their real opinions when they're trying to get laid or get into a relationship.

I'm pretty much with Lucy on this one. The guy doesn't seem to have much respect for his girlfriend, and he does rather sound like a self-satisfied asshat to me. He'd be doing her a favor by breaking up with her.

Maybe girlfriend just doesn't want to engage in political discourse with the LW? Because if he has strongly held beliefs, he's liable to be a bit of an ass if she has different beliefs or just a more cynical viewpoint. He seems like an ass just from the letter, he's undoubtedly more so in person.

Isab, it must be lonely to be so vastly superior to all the women around you. Most of the men, too, sounds like, at least until they acquire greater insight.
Posted by: Gail at September 1, 2014 2:00 PM

You would be correct. Being vastly better read, and educated than most people has a downside.

Except for my family members, and a few other tolerant souls, women cant stand me, for a very good reason.

The good news is, the older I get, the less I care what other women think.

Most of my friends are really well educated and smart men, in my age group.

I think it's hilarious when people identify themselves by what degrees they have or use them as a reference point from which they're speaking, unless it's very specifically relevant. Getting a higher degree isn't hard, it's easy. The higher the degree, the easier, because you don't find yourself stretched too thin thinking in seven different ways and memorizing things that aren't related to each other. Getting through high school was the hardest thing I've ever done.

The LW sounds like he just wants to have an intelligent conversation about complex topics. His girlfriend seems uninterested in that. A damn shame, but he didn't suggest that she is stupid, he suggested that she might be uncomfortable voicing or holding strong opinions of her own.

An arrogant man would have just assumed she's a pretty little idiot.

Instead, he wants a part of her to come out that he assumes must be there. He could very well be wrong.

If he enjoys literally everything else, then he should join a meetup debate or political organization of some sort where those issues are discussed and just consider that to be time apart from her.

----------------

Mikeinreallife & Isab do have valid points, much as they would be disputed. There aren't many women in the 'hard sciences' to discuss topics with in the first place. As to the more amorphous and debatable topics...well lets be frank, what are we going to hear women speaking on those subjects more likely discuss:
1. Women of X are oppressed

2. Men of X are bad and their customs must be overturned.

3. The cultural reasoning behind the practices and sex roles of X are product of cultural contributions from the religions of A and B that reflect a set of values meant to accomplish Y...

You get the point. From what I have witnessed both online and in person when intellectual topics on history, religion, society, culture, politics, or psychology, to name some, do come up...the female outlook is typically rote and dogmatic rather than analytical. A woman that has read Dworkin, will probably not have read Gibbons.

Yes there are exceptions, but if I were to hazard a guess, it is because where men seek information women seek more identity. An extension of the 'accomplish' versus 'connect' differences between men and women. Is that true or not, I couldn't say, that is as I said...only a guess.

The end result is a narrower reading, more firmly fixed opinions (the more broadly one reads, the less certain things tend to become), a reduced ability to change one's mind or to debate topics with a more rational mind.

It is not that women 'cannot' behave in the way Isab and Mikeinreallife favor, it is that it is more common for them to pursue subjects in a way that prevents it. At least, this experience is the most common.