I was not at all attracted.

That's because you just saw his photo. What you should've done is met him. If you met him and he was brimming with confidence, you would've found him attractive, regardless of what he looked like.

What you should've done is met him. If you met him and he was brimming with confidence, you would've found him attractive, regardless of what he looked like.

JD, I know you mean well, but would you have said the same thing to a guy who wasn't attracted to a woman he saw a picture of, without meeting her?

The door swings both ways. If you're not attracted to someone based on their picture, the kind thing to do is spare both of yourselves an awkward meeting. Amy's right on this.

Flynne: JD, I know you mean well, but would you have said the same thing to a guy who wasn't attracted to a woman he saw a picture of, without meeting her?

That would only be a good argument if men and women were attracted to the same things. Granted, nine times out of ten, if you're not attracted to the picture you're not going to be attracted to the person, but physical attraction is more than just looks. If it were all about looks, we'd content ourselves with a realistic version of Miss Polly Urethane and give up on real people.

Physical attraction is also about attitudes, body language and movement.

I would gauge whether she should give him a chance based on how unattracted she is. If it's a matter of simply "He just doesn't do it for me," then I'd encourage her to give it a try. If nothing else, she'll have taken a nice hike with someone. If she's outright repulsed, I'd say never mind.

This guy is hoping for a date, so it won't be a nice, platonic hike. He is looking for romance and she is not attracted. Not gonna work.

Confidence is helpful, but it ain't magic. I've met plenty of confident men and remained utterly unattracted to them if they weren't my type. Unless the friend presented a remarkably bad picture (like, he's wearing novelty teeth and just ate something he's allergic to) the LW could probably tell whether he was "meh, possibly better in person" or "no way". She shouldn't waste his or her own time if he's in the latter category.

Curious, though: how would y'all feel if she had stated a concrete reason for being unattracted? If she'd said "I didn't realize til I saw the picture that he was of a different race" or "he's six inches shorter than I am" or something? Something that doesn't make a person universally ugly (beautiful people exist in every color and every size) but that clearly spoke to her own preferences/types?

"just enough of the truth -- like "not really my type"" Well it pretty much is the whole truth and not that cruel. It's simply that. Not her type, dosen't mean he's beastly ugly. I see nothing wrong with that assessment. Lets use a less butt hurt generating example. A guy is into big women a slender fit girl is interested, is it wrong for him to say not my type. She is by arbitrary standards hot but not what he wants. Would there be any point in him going on a date with her? No amount of charisma will change the fact that she lack the rolls he likes. The only mistake she made was not simply going not my type and everyone gets to quietly move along.