The Shoo Maker
I'm a single dude in my 30s, and I really want a girlfriend, but I keep striking out with women. My female co-worker says that if I want a relationship, I need to upgrade my shoes. I wear a pair of super-comfy New Balance sneakers that I've had since college...yes, even wearing them on dates. In the summer, I wear Crocs sandals. What's the problem? Are girls really that shallow?
--Footloose
Sadly, the CDC has been remiss in informing men of the exceptional protection against sexually transmitted diseases that open-toe shoes can provide.
Men's shoes speak to women. They are a form of what anthropologists and zoologists call "signaling" -- communication between organisms. In the mating realm, signals advertise quality in a potential partner -- or sound the alarm when it's lacking. Wearing bad shoes (like your stanky, hobo-ready sneakers) suggests you lack the social intelligence to dress like a grown-up and/or the interest in taking care of more than your own needs -- like for the five basic bachelor-dude food groups: beer, Hot Pockets, pizza, Doritos, and pot edibles.
Evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller surveyed women -- straight single American women, ages 20-35 -- on what they like and loathe in footwear on a potential partner. The women were asked to imagine going on a casual lunch date with guys wearing 32 different types of men's shoes, from Birkenstocks to chukkas to leather Oxfords.
Women's preferences were "strong" and "consistent" and point to the following advice: Wear leather shoes -- nice leather shoes, like Oxfords or loafers -- that cover your feet. (Women hated every single sandal, from Crocs to Birkenstocks to flip-flops.) Your shoes don't have to be expensive. You can probably do just fine with a stylish loafer you get on sale for $50. (Passable sneakers, scoring okay but not so well as the leather shoes, were the classics: Vans and Converse All Stars.)
Finally, it isn't enough to just buy the right shoes; you have to take care of them. (Another important detail that ladies notice.) Learn how to polish and clean them. Take them to a shoemaker for resoling and other upkeep. These might seem like little things but they are actually part of a whole of living like a man instead of a manchild. Admittedly, living the man way isn't "super-comfy," but consider where your priorities lie: more in the realm of Dr. Scholl or Dr. Kinsey?
Still wearing the same sneakers he wore in college?! Damn, those things must be BEAT by now! Gotta wonder what the rest of his wardrobe looks like! Wearing a nice leather pair of loafers might not go very well with his shredded jeans or shorts from his college days. Sounds like his needs a total makeover.
Jan at June 27, 2018 1:13 AM
Still wearing the same sneakers he wore in college?! Damn, those things must be BEAT by now! Gotta wonder what the rest of his wardrobe looks like! Wearing a nice leather pair of loafers might not go very well with his shredded jeans or shorts and T-shirts from his college days. Sounds like his needs a total makeover.
Jan at June 27, 2018 1:15 AM
I’m sure LW would be totally turned on by a woman who wore a baby-vomit-stained shirt every day. Because of course HE is not shallow.
sofar at June 27, 2018 7:54 AM
Yeah... don't be a slob.
ahw at June 27, 2018 8:23 AM
Admittedly, living the man way isn't "super-comfy," but consider where your priorities lie: more in the realm of Dr. Scholl or Dr. Kinsey?
It is better to look good than to feel good -- Fernando Lamas, as portrayed by Billy Crystal on SNL.
mpetrie98 at June 28, 2018 2:46 PM
Are girls really that shallow?
Dude, you have no idea. Shoes is just the tip of the iceberg...
bkmale at June 29, 2018 9:47 AM
You're 30. Assuming you graduated from college at the usual age...YOU'RE WEARING EIGHT YEAR OLD SNEAKERS?!?
I can't get a pair to last more than six months.
Wallawalla Wanda at June 29, 2018 12:48 PM
I had a guy tell me that woman can have a body like a Vegas showgirl, but if her face isn't pretty, she'll see less action than a seventy year old nun.
Yep. Women and men can be that shallow.
Taylor at June 29, 2018 12:51 PM
Has the letter writer never heard of fashion sneakers?
JanetC at June 29, 2018 2:32 PM
What's the problem? Are girls really that shallow?
I think very few people would disagree with this statement: in general, men care about looks more than women do.
Where people would tend to disagree, I think, is in the degree of that distance. I happen to believe that the distance isn't all that great. (And, of course, there's a counter-difference: in general, women care about income/status more than men do.)
I'm reminded of a woman I met online about ten years ago. She told me she absolutely could not date a man who wears t-shirts. She thought t-shirts were for boys, not men. The topic never came up, but I imagine she also thought that real men only wear Oxfords.
I'm also reminded of a girlfriend I had back in the late eighties who got really aroused by classic white long-sleeved dress shirts.
My feeling about the use of the word "shallow." If you "remain on the surface" (i.e. you overwhelmingly care about looks over intellect/emotions/interests) then, yes, that's shallow. But if you care about looks and also like to dive deeper into who a person is, then that's not shallow.
JD at July 1, 2018 4:11 PM
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