There's an entire nation just to your north where it is considered rude to wear your shoes in the house. And where were you raised that it was normal behaviour to open cabinet doors and leave them open? I'd be interested to hear what other "unreasonable" requests are weighing down this relationship. Perhaps the girlfriend's message to Besieged is simply "Don't be a slob in my house."

I'm with Parker and the LW's girlfriend. Time to clean up your act because your not living with your mommy anymore!

This poor guy manages in 51 words to say a tall stack of silly things.

I love my girlfriend, but she has some weird rules about her place: no shoes inside, cabinets can't be left open, etc.

Lots of people run their houses this way. An it's her house, not yours, so suck it up.

We've gotten in fights when I've forgotten to do this stuff and then mentioned how ridiculous I find it.

I'm going to assume you managed to take your shoes off when you entered her abode, because surely she reminded you to. As for it being ridiculous to close a door you opened -- just how ridiculous is that?

Should I have to do things I think are stupid?

You should do things that are polite and respectful. Following her rules in her house is polite and respectful. And what were you going to do if you got the answer you wanted? Tell your girlfriend "Amy said I don't have to follow your rules, so nyah?"

I'd be curious to know what other rules this guy's girlfriend has that he finds "weird."

I don't find either of the two rules he mentioned to be odd, especially the one about shoes.

Should I have to do things I think are stupid?

Of course not. But you do have to understand that failing to do them will damage and possibly end your relationship, and decide whether that's worth it.

I agree with the other commenters that the rules you cite are quite common. You'll find it easier to adjust your behavior than to find a woman who will cheerfully put up with your lack of consideration.

Open cabinets make a clean home look messy and also reduce usable space. Also your GF is giving you very easy ways to make her happy instead of silently resenting you. Close the cabinets.

I used to crack my head on kitchen cabinet doors my wife left open. I couldn't get her to close them — until our daughter grew tall enough to face the same danger.

"Of course not. But you do have to understand that failing to do them will damage and possibly end your relationship, and decide whether that's worth it."

Depending on how bad the situation is (it's hard to tell from what is quoted of the LW here), that might actually be for the best. I recall a date I had once... I went to her place to pick her up, and she invited me in for a few minutes while she finished getting ready. However, I failed to comprehend that most of the chair-type furniture pieces in her place were only for looks and were off limits for actually sitting on. After several unsuccessful attempts to find a place where sitting was permitted, I decided to just stand and wait while she got ready. More of this sort of thing took place during dinner, where my food choices, eating habits, and my specific handling of the utensils was critiqued. There was no second date.

To put what others said more concisely and in a manner more colloquially appropriate for the preferences you telegraph:

Was you brung up or drug up?

Quit while you're ahead and find a fellow slob to date who won't expect more civilized conduct than you can muster.

She is a neat freak and you are a slob. This is not going to work in the long run

Cousin Dave: "More of this sort of thing took place during dinner, where my food choices, eating habits, and my specific handling of the utensils was critiqued. There was no second date."

Yikes! I have to say, in all the dates I've been on, I've never had any woman critique me like that. And if I had, I would've done the same thing as you: no second date.

You also reminded me of something from many years ago. I was in San Francisco (my older sister & her family live in the Bay Area so I've been there a lot) and Nordstrom had just opened their store on Market Street so I went to check it out. I was looking at shoes when I overheard a woman say to the man she was with, "Those aren't the kind of shoes my dad would buy." I don't know if they were married or dating but I thought to myself "Danger Will Robinson!!! Run away, dude, run away!!"

I was looking at shoes when I overheard a woman say to the man she was with, "Those aren't the kind of shoes my dad would buy." I don't know if they were married or dating but I thought to myself "Danger Will Robinson!!! Run away, dude, run away!!"

JD at March 8, 2019 10:17 AM

Maybe the old man was housebound, and they were looking for a pair for him.

Since you weren’t privy to the entire situation, it is best not to presume.

"Should I have to do things I think are stupid?

At her house? Yes, you absolutely do have to do things that you think are stupid.

If she says at her house everyone wears underwear on their head, or a bridal vel over their face. then you have to do that too.

The other choice is simply not to go to her house.

It's her house, her rules. Don't like that reality, don't go to her house.