A Body At Rust
I've been married to a wonderful woman for two years. We have a 2-year-old child. Unfortunately, we stopped having sex when she got pregnant and haven't started again since. She loves me, but she just doesn't want sex like she used to. (And no, I'm not some sexist dude leaving all the baby care to her.) How can we jump-start our sex life?
--Famished
"Being and Nothingness" is 722 pages of stylishly depressing existentialism by Jean-Paul Sartre; ideally, it does not also describe what goes on in bed between you and your wife.
Chances are your wife's libido didn't get broken in the delivery room or carried off by a raccoon. In women, desire seems to work differently than how it does in men, according to sex researcher Rosemary Basson, M.D. Once women are comfortably ensconced in a relationship, Basson finds that they no longer have the "spontaneous sexual hunger" they did in the early days of dating. Instead, their desire is "responsive," meaning it is "triggerable" -- simply by starting to fool around.
Yes, miraculously, revving up your sex life will probably just take some makeout sessions. Tell your wife about Basson's research and start scheduling regular romantic evenings. Make them early enough that nobody's too tired and keep your expectations on medium. (You might not have full-blown sex on night one, but try to see whatever mwah-mwah makeout that goes on as an encouraging start.) When possible, drop the baby off at Grandma's and have a sex weekend at a hotel. This may sound like a lot of effort and expense, but it sure beats the alternative -- setting your penis out on the blanket next to the VHS player at your spring garage sale.
For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.
poor guy - it's not about baby care, housework or there being squirrels outside. That's just gaslighting.
You'll be doing your marriage a favor not to follow any of the PC man shaming 'advice' you'll get on this topic. Women lose their sex drive once they're settled and it gets worse as they age until disappearing entirely. It's no one's fault.
And you're perfectly in your rights to expect your wife to make an effort here. Because if it goes on, the situation will just get worse and worse until she sees sex as oppressive.
Carlos at July 21, 2019 12:12 PM
"And no, I'm not some sexist dude"
Well, you'd better change quick. Once she sees other women hitting on you she'll get back in the game.
The ladies love a cad.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at July 21, 2019 2:41 PM
She is not interested in having sex with you because she is getting all she wants from her side dude when you are out working your butt to support her and your 18-year-obligate-parasite. And there is nothing you can do about it, marrying her and spawing a kid gaver her total control of what goes on in the :relationship:. You are never going to have sex again or any sign of affection from her ever again. You are locked into financially supporting her, and she can now indulge in all the side dudes she can reel in.
You can divorce her, but then she gets 50% of your current assets, 50 percent of your retirement income, and up to 90% or your pretax income for as long as your spawn is a dependent. And she will take the alimoney and child support, to buy the services of as many side dudes as she can handle, in the house you had to give to her, while you are living in your car, or a studio apartment, and handing all of your income over to her. And if you loose your job, and cannot pay your support you will go to jail. And since you are so dirt poor from having been divorce-raped, you will never be able to afford having sex again for the rest of your miserable life.
John McCarthy at August 2, 2019 9:00 AM
She is not interested in having sex with you because she is getting all she wants from her side dude when you are out working your butt to support her and your 18-year-obligate-parasite. And there is nothing you can do about it, marrying her and spawing a kid gaver her total control of what goes on in the :relationship:. You are never going to have sex again or any sign of affection from her ever again. You are locked into financially supporting her, and she can now indulge in all the side dudes she can reel in.
You can divorce her, but then she gets 50% of your current assets, 50 percent of your retirement income, and up to 90% or your pretax income for as long as your spawn is a dependent. And she will take the alimoney and child support, to buy the services of as many side dudes as she can handle, in the house you had to give to her, while you are living in your car, or a studio apartment, and handing all of your income over to her. And if you loose your job, and cannot pay your support you will go to jail. And since you are so dirt poor from having been divorce-raped, you will never be able to afford having sex again for the rest of your miserable life.
John McCarthy at August 2, 2019 9:01 AM
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