Let's All Brand Together
Pretty soon, all the surburban housewives will be getting pictures of their minivans tattooed on their hindquarters. Probably for at least a few of them, with the tedious popularity of tattoos, it will be the only empty "canvas" left on their bodies. Emily Hill writes for The Guardian about how tattoos have become the norm, and for the most "normal" of people:
Once upon a time tattoos were - as the French say - "for criminals and Germans". Now they are in Vogue - literally, starting on p152. "They walk among us, people. The tattooed," the article on "How tattoos stopped being taboo" begins. "Once you start looking, start taking note ... everyone's got a tattoo these days."...According to a 2006 poll, one in four American adults (a full 30 million of them) boast an inking. Soon enough your mother will get one - the highest rise in tat-demand is apparently among middle-aged women. When the housewives of Surrey first started pitching up at a new boutique in Selfridges, paying for the label of their favourite French wine to be reproduced on their skin, the Tattoo Club of Great Britain promised the "beginning of the end". That was five years ago and saying the tattoo is "socially acceptable" doesn't quite cover it - you've probably got more friends who have a tattooist than have a dentist.
Unlike a half-hour date with your molars, however, most tattoos don't seem to have a point. Whereas you can buy a three-volume encyclopaedia on Russian prisoner tattoos and there are whole indexes on the meaning of sailor designs, most people don't tend to get tattoos to help them survive life on a penal colony or express solidarity with their fellow seadogs, but for spurious and slightly nutty reasons - especially as many of the designs would look better on a pirate. Most of the Vogue article is filled with the author regretting all the tattoos she's had already, before rounding off the piece by promising to get a new and better one to cover "the inside of my forearm, from wrist to elbow". This after she's delved into the experience of singer Alice Temple, who has a skull across her entire back ("It was 15 hours of intense, horrifying pain. Across my spine. And kidneys. For 15 hours.") And that of artist Rachel Feinstein who now "regrets" her tattoo of "a vagina in her armpit with ants emerging out of it killing a dragonfly on her shoulder".
Knowing better than to get a tattoo takes accepting that you are sometimes, perhaps frequently, an idiot. It's bad enough when your idiocy can be pulled up on Google. Do you really need to turn one of your armpits into the secret sexual fantasy of the Orkin Man?
Or, in this girl's case, is it possible she was just trying to shock her mother?
Goddamnit, I've had it with people always shitting on dragonflies!
Paul Hrissikopoulos at July 17, 2008 12:47 AM
The truth is most tattoos are junk. My ink though is special and marks me as unique and wonderful. As I wander around a planet filled with trendoid zombies, I can touch my tattoo and know I am a unique and beautiful individual.
I guess my regret is that due to its location, I've often been threatened with arrest for that entirely innocent touching.
jerry at July 17, 2008 1:34 AM
Hey. don't miss the entertainment value of this practice. I've not only been treated to an entirely wonderful view of a thunderstorm between the shoulderblades of a nice blonde - in color - but I've seen comedy. On the arm of a flabby middle-aged wannabe, clearly needled in black ink, was this message: -Harley-Davidson Booty Patrol-
Oh, yeah, buddy. You're bad. Don't leave your iced tea in the minivan, it'll get hot.
OK, so some people shouldn't get them. I suggest that they're the same bunch at WalMart wearing bright green XXXL spandex pants. My eyes!
Radwaste at July 17, 2008 2:43 AM
Jerry - good piece, made me snort!
Norman at July 17, 2008 3:08 AM
Rad, I shouldn't get tatoos and I won't enter Walmart or lime green spandex pants (of any size). Just saying (rather in fun, I was amused by that).
Personally, I think tattoos are insane though a little less so now that they can be removed even if not easily. Still, it's basically a permanent marking of your youthful stupidity. But try telling that to someone young and stupid! I don't know how often I've heard when discussing the permancy of tattooes, I'll never change my mind on what this depicts.
Old enough to know better, I'm also old enough to know better than to bother arguing any further. Bottom line, it's their body, their business in the end. Same with piercing.
As for the middle age fad thing sounds rather sad attempt to imitate the young. I hate that in people my age. I think nothing looks more uncool, unhip than some old fool attempting to act cool or hip. At least in the young, they're trying out who they are and still deciding who they want to be. By your mid-40's, for fuck's sake, you should have some frigging idea of who that is.
Sigh. But again, their body, their life, their choice. Just not very attractive.
T's Grammy at July 17, 2008 5:15 AM
"Still, it's basically a permanent marking of your youthful stupidity. But try telling that to someone young and stupid!"
I agree COMPLETELY. Because I got a tattoo the day I turned 18.
I was on the fence about it. But then I told my parents I was thinking, and my mom began to cry and my dad got angry. I knew right then that I MUST have a tattoo.
I went with my friends after school. I walked in and asked the guy what the cheapest tattoo they could do for me was. The guy answers, "The Kanji symbols are $50 if you get them in one color." So, I walked over to the wall with the display of said Kanji, closed my eyes, and pointed at random.
...I now have the Kanji symbol for "Dizzy" on my lower back.
And whenever I wear a swimming suit, I have to explain it to people, and, suddenly, in that moment I'm 18 years old again and dumb as hell.
sofar at July 17, 2008 7:21 AM
Well, I have 3 tattoos (only one you can really see on a regular basis) and (of course) I don't see the problem. Also, I was 32 when I got my first one, so I avoided the problem sofar talks about.
I do think you can have too much of a good thing, though. The people who are covered in them seem odd to me, but I don't have to live in their skin.
Honestly, I have bigger things to complain about. :)
Ann at July 17, 2008 7:34 AM
Permanent bellbottoms.
Charlton Hawking at July 17, 2008 8:31 AM
Hah - that's just great. Or a permanent mullet.
Amy Alkon at July 17, 2008 8:51 AM
As one of the tattooed masses I still support the practice wholeheartedly. It however is not for everyone, and for some it's a mistake that they regret forever.
I'm not of that variety, I enjoy them as art, as some kind of reminder of a past time, or even as some sort of creative humorous piece. They don't all have to have intense personal meaning, sometimes they can just be for fun. But obviously, it takes a special, or different kind of person to be able wear them without feeling that they are mistakes or feeling any sort of regret.
Life lessons have taught me to take life less seriously rather than more, and that regret is rather pointless. I'd probably regret not being tattooed more than being so even well into my later years....
CJ at July 17, 2008 9:22 AM
I wanted a tatoo since I was 16. I didn't actually get it until I was 32 to make sure I wouldn't change my mind. It does have meaning for me, so it was no attempt to mimic the young or just youthful stupidity. Randomly picking something off a wall...not the best idea. Researching, finding an image you like and having it custom drawn and inked...the only way to go.
moreta at July 17, 2008 9:23 AM
heh, so... in not having a tatoo, I am so far behind the game that now I'm ahead? mmm, I wonder when the mullet will come back?
SwissArmyD at July 17, 2008 9:32 AM
I firmly believe that if a person is going to get a tattoo, it should be WELL thought out. Years of planning went into my first one and it's simple, pretty and has a classy meaning to it.
My other tattoo is a tribute to my father who passed very recently. I don't think that you can regret that, along with something like a child's name.
You also can't see either of them if I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
I draw the line at anything having to do with a brand, band, or significant other.
may at July 17, 2008 9:45 AM
Mullets are hot!
moreta at July 17, 2008 10:04 AM
I have simple criterion for art: whatever is painted should be an improvement on the blank canvas.
I have never seen a tattoo that was prettier than the skin it was scratched on.
Todd Fletcher at July 17, 2008 10:35 AM
I'm with moreta. If you must have a tattoo, you should plan and create, not get a fucking generic tattoo that almost everyone else has.
Now, I didn't wait 16 years to get a tattoo, I was 18, but I thought long and hard about what I wanted and where it should be placed. I chose my right thigh so that it could be covered up easily and because the tattoo was for me and me alone.
I don't regret the tattoo I got(I still like it ten years later), but if I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't. I will probably get it removed about the time my thighs start sagging.
maureen at July 17, 2008 11:08 AM
My only problem with tattoos is the permanence.
What looks cute at the age of 18-24 starts to look really stupid as you age. To quote and old comic "The barbwire I got on my arm now looks like a chain link fence."
I almost got one to clearly state my attitude toward my first university. However in hind site telling my nephews that they should go to college while having "Fuck Academia" on my right shoulder would not look good.
The main reason that I never wanted a tattoo or piercing as a kid (18) was my parents reaction to it. Dad started laughing and mom said go ahead. Plus my grand father had a really old tattoo of his girl friends name, this however was not my grand mother. You can imagine how much shit he got for it.
vlad at July 17, 2008 11:37 AM
Best Tattoo Ever: http://failblog.org/2008/06/26/tatoo-fail/
Amy K. at July 17, 2008 2:42 PM
Jerry and Amy K., very funny!
I've never had the desire to get one and the great majority of the time I agree with what Todd Fletcher said above. Also, the women in my family always chuckled about young women who would be dumb enough to get tattoos on their stomachs. That dolphin is going to turn into a whale if you get pregnant. Standard disclaimer about to each his own, blah, blah, blah.
I do remember one that I really liked, though. It was on a very hot girl (always helps) and it was done very tastefully and subtly on the inside of her upper arm. It was an outline of the mudflap woman reading a book.
Shawn at July 17, 2008 10:41 PM
Oh, for the days when you knew what tattoos indicated.
Home-made black ink tattoos: Scum-bag ex-cons and dumb-ass white trash.
Professional tattoos: Guys who'd been in the military.
Now, barb-wire around the bi-cep (for a guy) or a curlicue on the small of the back (for a girl) is pretty much the sign of a clueless sheep. Hell, I have more respect for the guy that got this garden chair tattoo than I do for all the barb-wire guys put together. At least 100,000,000 other guys on earth don't have the same thing, unlike the barb-wire one.
http://horribletattoos.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-06-14T09%3A54%3A00%2B01%3A00&max-results=5
David Crawford at July 17, 2008 11:31 PM
Hey, if it makes them happy, who cares? And while it's "trendy" in the US, in many cultures tatooing has been the norm for centuries. I have 2. One I'd just as soon have removes at this point, the other I like. My husband has 5. I figure if nothing, it'll keep my kids from ever doing it and therefor I can't regret it :) I do think picking from a wall randomly is dumb.
momof3 at July 19, 2008 12:15 PM
When I was 30, I was in a car wreck, on my way to meet a former boyfriend. The front end of my car was totaled, but I walked away unscathed. The next day, the tow truck driver, who was also a friend of mine, picked me up to take me to the garage where my car was, and we were broad-sided by a guy who pulled out of a gas station (he went left when he should have gone right). I walked away from that one too, with just a chipped tooth and a scratch on my leg. The EMTs were astonished, considering my friend's truck was totaled, and the guy who hit us was critically injured. The next day, I got a guardian angel tattooed on my left shoulder. I figured someone (or perhaps something) was watching out for me.
Flynne at July 21, 2008 10:23 AM
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