Yes Yes Yes.
My grandfather washed up in New York in 1938 with a few pieces of paper and good breeding. He went around knocking on doors until he was given the opportunity to show what he could do.

No big secret. The Chinese, Indian, and West African waves of immigration are doing the exact same thing the Jews, Italians, and Irish did before.

And this is going on all over Israel - a nation of plucky Jewish immigrants.

Despite efforts by the lefties to convince north African Sephardic Jews - and other groups - that they are "poor dears" in need of handouts, they are push, push, pushing.

So are the Soviet Jews and Ethiopians.

No big secret -
Do The Work.
Educate yourself.
Then make yourself useful.

Do The Work.
Educate yourself.
Then make yourself useful.

This works for motivated people. Realistically, however, many people are not self-motivating. This is the reason that welfare, foodstamps, etc. should be uncomfortable. Not only as a living standard, but also as a lifestyle. Want foodstamps? Wash graffiti off of buildings 10 hours a week. No work, no food.

Even people with chronic injuries can work - I regularly see people on disability pensions running stands at the flea market. Why shouldn't they collect garbage along the highway? Clean up the park? Do something useful to the community, in return for their pensions?

If you are living on the society's dime, you owe society whatever work you are capable of doing. This needn't be pleasant work, because what society really needs is for these people to get productive jobs in private industry.

I am not LDS (Mormon) but my brother is. I have heard if a member becomes disabled, they take care of him. But, even if he is bedfast, they find something productive for him to do. Crochet pot-holders; whatever. I don't know if this is true but I have heard it.

Good point, Bradley13. Even back during the Great Depression, the work programs (building dams, parks, and roads and such) were WORK programs, not handouts. Even today we still benefit from the infrastructure those people built.

I can't imagine this. My parents stopped being able to help me with my homework in the 4th grade because I had surpassed their education level. My parents were proud of my achievements but had no idea how to help. It was actually better that way.

These are beyond helicopter parents. They call these Black Hawks. This, at least, according to the freshman welcome seminar at my son's college, where they had to explain that parents could no longer access their child's grades because they are now adults.

But I think the academic community is to blame for a lot of this. From preschool on, "parental involvement" is stressed - so much so that there are parents who basically LIVE at the school.

Our parents didn't do that. They came on parent's night, for awards ceremonies, or if they were called into the office because we misbehaved.

Yet, now, because of budget cuts, "good" parents are not only expected to be at school frequently "helping out", but even buy supplies for the classroom! It's no wonder that, after years of this, parents lose perspective and think their job is to be alongside their child all the way.

I loved your story about Norman Berry.

What a perfect example of why it is so critical for job seekers of all types to get out from behind the computer and really get out there. Take some chances and make some mistakes. The worst that any organization can say to you is no, but as every good sales person knows, a no just brings you one step closer to someone else saying yes.

In Dr. John Rosemond's 2005 book, "Family Building," he mentions, from 2000, a mother who thinks as he does. She was appalled at a letter from a teacher that reminded parents to "sit with" their children while they do their homework. He suggested she write back to the teacher and say "one does not become a great pitcher if Mom is standing on the mound with you, and one does not become a great student if Mom helps with the homework." (Pages 159-161.)

What he didn't mention was that he DOES think it's OK to help with homework - that is, only one question per project or so, and only 5 minutes per question, IIRC, and that otherwise, the teacher should be the one to "help." That might have helped this male responder to simmer down:

"I was horror-struck at John Rosemond's recent column in which he decried parental involvement in homework.

"His analogy that 'one does not become a great pitcher if Mom is standing on the mound with you, and one does not become a great student if Mom helps with the homework' is deeply flawed.

"Homework is practice, and the following analogy is a lot better: If kids are having trouble pitching (schoolwork) and the coach (teacher) isn't getting through to them, then I would hope that mom or dad would help them practice (homework) so they can perform to their potential at the game (test or life) where they must do things themselves.

"Parents shouldn't do their kids' homework for them. However, they should coach their kids when necessary, know what is being sent home, make sure that it is completed correctly and tutor their kids if they are having trouble in a particular area.

"This is being involved parents who take responsibility for their role in the teacher-parent partnership of educating children."

Rosemond is right. Too many parents today are actually doing the homework. It's gotten so competitive among even gradeschoolers to be on the honor roll and win all kinds of awards that a lot of parents are way too involved. You can see the difference in projects that are obviously done solely by a child and those "helped" by parents. Typically, the "helpful" parents' kids are at the top of the class. I've known parents to even go to school and demand a teacher change a "B" grade to an "A" so their child wouldn't miss being on honor roll.

I was one of those who felt my kids should do their own work, and they suffered for this at times with grades, but they are a lot more knowledgable and independent now than many other kids their age.

The Mormon church does have a pretty okay welfare system. When times where tough with my family. They paid some bills and provided food from the church stores. Thru my father and mother did have to do some work in return. I think my mother had to help with some gardening at once local branch/church. My father helped with some legal/paper work. Sorry no straight hand outs. Also I think every time they got a check/help it came with a meeting with the bishop or other higher up. I always felt those meetings would be like meeting with a principal and long serious talk about the future. One note also about the LDS church is all higher ups like Bishops are not paid.

As I like to bring up often here on advicegoddes.com. Is here in Korea...
My father used to worked at a University here in Korea. Come grading time, here would get the odd students complaining about grades (why do I have a D?... you only showed up for tests!). Some asking for a change in grades (I want an A+ rather then this B- and I deserve it because...), and quite a few PARENTS calling up asking the similar questions and some even trying to bribe him. My father refused. Know here in Korea I am not surprised as the 20 somethings are quite immature and very family dependent here. But in the West I would think so much different as we try to give independence to our children. Where is that "screw you Dad, I am going to do what i want to do" attitude...

lovelysoul said: "Too many parents today are actually doing the homework."

In *some* parents' defense, some school districts are really not helping in giving children assignments that are way over their head. As a children's librarian, I get to see a parents come up with a *ridiculous* list of requirements for a project. First graders struggling with Cat, Rat, Hat are being required to write book reports. The parent either is going to let their kids flunk it out (what does this teacher expect to see, I wonder. "I like when Dick and Jane go. Go, go, go!") or their going to basically have to dictate to the kid what to write.

Then you have the older kids, who get the Obscure Historical Figure report (where Mom has to use all of her research skills from college to find even the scantiest info) or the science project of doom. A woman a few months ago had a child in fourth grade who had to do a report which included a diagram of the internal structures of a mammal, reptile, and insect, color-coded and *not traced*. And if I'm to believe the parent, when they say internal structure, they meant the whole shebang, not just heart, lungs, stomach, but musculatory, respiratory, and circulatory systems. Fourth grade. And that wasn't even the written portion.

And at the top of my Stupid Teachers List are the ones that assign PowerPoint presentations to elementary schoolers without first a) making sure they have access to PowerPoint [especially if they need a later edition] and b) a primer on what the hell PowerPoint is and how to use it.

Now, that's not to say that this the majority of parents doing homework for kids. But I do see an awful lot of stuff that I have a hard time imagining a kid doing solo without some heavy parental involvement.

And if there are any teachers reading this board, for the sanity of librarians everywhere, please make sure there is easily obtainable information on a subject before assigning projects on it. Every year, I get the Inventor who isn't even in the encyclopedia, the Native American tribe whose existence comes only from your textbook, and this year's winner: Female Civil War spies. (Each group of kids had a different one - and guess what? There was virtually no resources aside from Wikipedia where you could easily get biographical data on these people!)

Cornerdemon, I so agree with you. Teachers are laying this off on parents more and more. In their defense, classroom time has been shortened to maybe 45 mins, so they have little time to teach the subject. Most of what they do now is assign homework and hope the parents teach it at home.

The sad thing, as you point out, is that many kids do not have the necessary materials or even a computer at home. If both their parents work, they probably can't get to the library much either. This has resulted in a real imbalance. Poor children with working parents fall behind, while wealthier kids with stay-at-home parents are at a huge advantage.

Not only are the SAHM parents more available to help with homework, they are the ones volunteering at school, assisting the teacher and purchasing supplies for the classroom. So, when the teacher gets asked to change a grade or give preferential treatment from one of those parents, they usually do. How are they going to refuse the parent who arranges the class parties and brings in the chalk and paper they need?

This guy wrote into Abby a while ago, and he was shocked when he went to a college with his daughter to find how few parents accompanied their children, and he thought it was rude that the counselors and facilitators thought he was a helicopter parent. He said that his daughter was "shy" and didn't know the right questions to ask. Wanna bet she just was never given the opportunity to talk, nor ever taught the right questions to ask?

I was raised by a single, working mom, and I had to do everything myself from an early age. It's helped me a lot in terms of independence. It would have been nice to have had her there more, but what can you do?

@John Paulson - a lot of the things you mentioned about Korea has a lot to do with the cultural differences. You can't expect kids there to act like kids in the US, because they're not raised the same way. Believe me, I know - I moved to Korea as a child and had a horrible time adjusting to the school system. When I moved back to the US I had to go through culture shock again because high school in Korea was vastly different from high school in the US. Asian cultures are also very family-oriented, and it's not uncommon for grown children to live with their parents even after they get married and have careers of their own. Many are actually praised for "taking care of their parents in their old age."

Also, education is much, much more important in Korea than it is in the US, because it's a lot more competitive in Korea than it is here, hence parents and students hassling teachers for better grades. I had a friend who missed 3 questions out of the 200-question high school entrance exam (which spanned 14 subjects), and was terrified she wouldn't get into her school of choice. THAT's how competitive it is.

I wouldn't have posted, but what you wrote really misrepresents what it's like in Korea, and your implication that Korean 20-somethings are immature because they don't follow your societal and cultural standards irked me. It irritates me when people do that because they don't understand the culture there.

(delurking to share) Growing up in the Bay Area, my passion became to work for rock promoter Bill Graham and his company BGP. After my college graduation, the company announced they were building a new amphitheatre in Mountain View.

Every Sunday morning my boyfriend and I visited the construction site to gauge progress. One day a temporary office trailer showed up, and the next day I knocked on the door resume in hand with a cover letter addressed to the new General Manager, whose name I got from the many newspaper articles I had saved for research.

The GM not in but due back later, I returned later and hand delivered my resume to the GM, who graciously granted me five minutes to introduce myself. Two weeks later I started as the receptionist, and from there worked my way up by working my butt off.

Of the resumes that came into the office in the time I was there, 99% were addressed to "to whom it may concern" seeking some non-specific job to suit the same boilerplate skill sets, and 100% of these went in the trash.

The phenomenon that lovelysoul describes is what I suspect is really behind many cases of 'burnout' among new college students. It's not that the kid has snapped under too much pressure, it's that they don't have the necessary academic skills. They're over their head without the coaching and intervention of their parents.

The schools contribute to this by not enforcing that the student's work should be their own.

Wow, Cornerdemon, grade schoolers being required to put together power points is one of the craziest things I've ever heard of. It's actually kind of frightening. No wonder so many parents are turning to home schooling.

Last semester, my English teacher said that the people who do best in college are the ones who figure out how to teach themselves. And let's face it, one of the best ways to learn is to make mistakes.

I guess I check a fair amount of my kids' homework, mostly my middle daughter's algebra, although she needs less and less of my help these days. I try not to spend more than a few minutes on it, though.

I have seen my kids bring home assignments which require PowerPoint slides, which struck me as a little ridiculous. Worse, though, are the assignments that are plainly busy work, like word search puzzles. If my wife and I see our youngest pulling her hair out over stupid stuff like that, we'll just tell her not to do it, as it's grade value isn't enough to make it worth worrying about.

So, it's time for another round of Let's Be Consistent!

Now up - the "parent" who pushes their kid out the apartment door to find the bus stop on her own. The kid eats the Federally-provided school lunch. When the parent-teacher conference occurs and teacher asks for the parent to show little Johnny how to tie his shoes, Mom says, "That yo job." End of conversation.

Plenty of action at the extremes to yak about. No need to talk about the kids in the middle.

Amy, remember my suggestion about detailing your story from NYC till now?

No, the small business side of your evolution from NYC till now. You are an entrepreneur and that would be of interest to people just starting out on that route. How did you get from free advice giving on the streets to your own blog, paid advice column, store, etc.

And why should we be surprised at the 27-year-old with the helicopter mommy? Recently, the Congress of the United States passed a law ("ObamaCare") stating that 26-year-old "children" can stay on their parents' health insurance. President Obama signed this bill. I guess that in these modern times, 26 is still considered adolescence.

Lovelysoul said: "Cornerdemon, I so agree with you. Teachers are laying this off on parents more and more."

Can't find the exact quote, but Rosemond once said that modern teachers are increasingly expecting parents to teach the 3 R's and parents are increasingly expecting teachers to teach manners and common decency. "It would seem a trade embargo is in order."

And, he's said more than once, teachers had no problem teaching classes of 40 kids or so in the days when kids were expected to learn to sit still and behave BEFORE they started school. So, he says, reducing class size is not the answer; first-grade teachers would much prefer well-behaved kids to kids who can already read.