I can agree with the sentiment to the point that if a child won't eat what is served for everyone else, they can "starve".

You make spaghetti, sauce with meatballs and garlic bread A beef pot roast, mashed and a veggie. For the family of five, the one child refusing to eat it is going to cost. The child isn't going to get chicken nuggets made special for them.

Blood organs (liver, kidney, etc.) are different, but the Bob Evans menu is generic enough.

Within bounds, I agree that camp counselors should not interfere with the child's eating habits. Although it might be worth mentioning something to the parents if the child is eating dessert and nothing else.

My family used to get all bent out of shape because when I eat, I eat one course at a time.

"what does your body tell you you need?". That is the question most five year olds who haven't been subjected to forced feedings and loaded with tons of sugar can answer for themselves pretty adequately.

I have nieces that will refuse sugary snacks because it makes their "tummies hurt" and opt for cheese sticks or sliced red bell peppers. They also will opt for small servings of ice cream for dessert and not go back for seconds.

I remember my parents teaching us about the "clean plate club" and how much shit my sister got for allowing her kids to (within reason) try and eat the foods they liked and moderate themselves. Completely changed my opinion on food and kids.

My other family members remain unconvinced.

I'm not sure where she got it, but I remember my mother telling me that a lady never eats everything on her plate, no matter how hungry she is. Always leave at least one bite. We were also supposed to chew each bite at least 30 times and put down our utensils between bites. I drove my husband and his family crazy. My husband used to get frustrated and walk out of restaurants while I was still eating.

I am of two minds on this. I think the child ought to be able to choose within reason, out of nutriious regular foods, but if they are not eating a good percentage of their meals, they should not be allowed to fill up on carby snacks and sodas in between meals as a substitute.
I have a daughter who literally has no taste for sweets, and a son who was a carboholic but both now as adults are of normal weight, and good health.

I went over to the article and read comments by some of the other readers. I agree with the ones who say that sometimes it is about parental control.

One time, somewhere between the ages of 5 and 10, my parents wanted me to eat a small bowl of those canned peaches. Those things aren't good for you anyway, swimming in sugary syrup the way they are, and sometimes they can be very mushy and gross. For some reason I just couldn't bear the thought of eating them. My parents chose that lovely opportunity to pick a battle out of it, and made me sit there at the table until I ate those peaches.

So I sat there for 30-45 minutes, while they all got done eating and left, staring at those awful things. Then I sneaked over to the sink and dumped them down the garbage disposal. I didn't turn on the disposal, though, because then they would know what I had done. Of course they were anticipating that, and my dad came into the kitchen, looked down into the sink, and could see the peaches in there. I got a major spanking for doing it. Not one of my fonder childhood memories.

Oh yes, adventures in food! When we were little, I loved veggies, still do. My brothers, not so much. My older one used to sneak his onto my plate when I wasn't looking! My younger one used to hide his brocolli in his milk! My mom used to try and mix powdered milk with regular milk, to stretch a buck here and there, but we always knew and would refuse to drink it! But yeah, we were of the "clean plate club" too, and now that I think about it, it was mostly a power struggle. We mostly liked everything mom made, with a few exceptions, but I can remember having to sit at the table until I cleaned my plate, which I sometimes didn't do until it was past my bedtime, at which point mom just gave up and sent me to bed.

My girls, on the other hand, are pretty good eaters and will eat the good-for-you stiff before they eat the sugary stuff, so there's that. I never made a big deal out of them cleaning their plates, and sometimes they didn't, but I didn't punish them for not eating everything. Their pediatrician used to tell me that they wouldn't starve, they'd eat when they were hungry and it wasn't the end of the world if they weren't hungry at any particular time. She said they know when they need to eat, and what, so just let them!

Wise woman, indeed.

I don't care for sweets. I got only a handful of sugar cravings while I was pregnant - one of which came the day I went into labor (I think my body was needing the extra calories for the upcoming event). I had six waffles with loads of syrup. I hate waffles. I hate syrup. But that day my body must have needed it.

Bread and pastas- those do me in. But I can go a year without having a desserts and not think twice about it. But my family didn't do desserts.

My sister hunts their meat and grows her own veggies. The kids prefer venison jerky to yogurt or other sugary snacks - but my sister hated bread and pasta (and sugar). All she ate was meat.

I wonder how much of the carb-binging gets set at an early age. I know carbs and sugars are addictive. Pair that with guilt, rewards and control and it's no wonder things can get out of hand.

The truth is, my body has never felt right (sluggish) when I eat a lot of carbs. Had I been shown to listen to what my body was saying early on, and not forced to eat everything on my plate (my sister doesn't do this with her kids) then I do believe it would have been easier to manage - even though yes, people do crave starchy foods differently.

I want to scream everytime I hear my MIL or my own mom talk about how if the kinds are "Good" they will get dessert or if they don't finish everything on their plate they will get punished etc.

Both women have issues with food. Is it any freaking wonder?

Eh, I don't see forcing a kid to eat if they actually are full. But when you've learned from experience that you are going to be hearing "I'm hungry" in 30 mins if they don't eat that sandwich? So yeah, I've been known to make mine eat at least a little.

And preemies, and kids on the autism spectrum, and other kids with sensory issues actually will starve themselves to the point of needing hospitalization if you aren't careful.

My son is on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum and he struggled to eat. When the doctor told me that he would have to gain weight or she would have to take "measures" and mentioned CPS, I started letting my so eat mac and cheese almost nightly and began making milkshakes right before bedtime. Now at 18, he has a weight problem and I feel guilty, but I did what I thought was best for him at the time.

Jen, what that doctor did is horrible, and you are not the one who should feel guilty. I do understand the feeling though. I didn't know anything about carbs, so my kid ate lots of them and now has a weight problem and I feel terrible allowing him to eat rice and pasta when I should have fed him bacon :(

It was harder when I ate carbs, especially being raised that "cleaning one's plate" was a virtue. It is not.

Posted by: Amy Alkon Author Profile Page at August 3, 2013 6:19 AM
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Depends. In parts of China (which has a long history of famines, and therefore hosts are supposed to keep filling your plate), a host will, at the end of a BIG meal, serve you plain rice, which you should refuse because it suggests you're still hungry and that's an insult to the host.

Momof4 made a good point as well.

But if you put a tiny amount on the plate and you KNOW the kid likes the food in question and hasn't eaten in hours, a child who doesn't clean the plate is being WASTEFUL (chances are the kid won't like having to eat the reheated tiny amount later, or there may not be room in the fridge), and on top of that, the child is being rude and insulting to the host's or parent's effort in the kitchen.

John Rosemond (who's in the news right now because, he implied, other child psychologists are mad at him for giving free parenting advice in his column and making them lose clients, so they're making trouble for him) said long ago that getting kids to eat healthful foods in a subtle manner is as simple as.....

"......putting a ridiculously small amount of each item being served on the child's plate -- i.e., one teaspoon of mashed potatoes, one bite of roast beef, and one-half of a dreaded green bean -- and informing the child he can have seconds of anything he wants when he has eaten everything on his plate."

(Note that the parent doesn't have to say anything about one food versus another - or supper vs. dessert. Very important. Rosemond also emphasized the importance of teaching kids to be polite to one's host.)

But, speaking of interference by outsiders:

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/03/23/no_laws_against.html

Search on "battlefield" to find the funny article I'm referring to - you'll be surprised by who wrote it!

"As a family nutrition expert, I don't make my children eat more when they say they are done"

Doing this is a good way to ensure your child is obese.

I am in the minority as well. My children eat when they want, as much as they want.

I don't force them to eat breakfast at eight, lunch at noon, supper at six, with snacks in between.

I also don't follow the food guide.

Hungry? Eat!

Not hungry? OK!

The only thing I do insist on, however, is broccoli before ice cream.

I think children, in general do better if they are not allowed to graze, and have structured meal times, of real food, and not prepackaged crap.

Recent studies seem to suggest you burn more calories if you have two or three solid meals a day rather than five or six snacks, of equal caloric content.

Most of the healtiest older people I know were raised on farms or ranches, in large familes where the work day dictated three solid meals, with very little snacking, and desserts maybe one day a week.

When you are young you can get away with a lot of poor dietary choices that catch up with you when you are older.

Training yourself and your kids to respond to hunger by eating real food, and not nibbling on crap all day, is a good practice for both school, and work.

As a parent, you are damned if you do & damned if you don't. Some kids go through an age when they won't eat because they'd rather be playing. They say "I'm full" when you know they are not (because their breakfast was a sip of water & they haven't eaten since). If you don't get them to eat something, you are both in for a seriously bad afternoon.

There are times I've told one of my kids to "eat that" simply because I knew once they started they'd realize they are ravenous (in typical fashion, one time my "full" 3 year old took one bit of chicken nugget... and ended up eating 7 plus a bunch of fruit - biggest meal she's ever had and she was "full" at the start... because she wanted to go play).

Then there's the medical stuff. One of my children has an issue wherein, if said child doesn't eat at least a small meal 3 times daily, we're in for trouble. It seems (experience, not science as far as I know) that if this one doesn't eat, the lower GI doesn't get stimulated and... basically stops.

So, while I generally agree that parents shouldn't push kids to eat (and I also don't care what my kid east first because I just want them to EAT something), I also push my kids to eat at times.

That said, I'm generally satisfied if they really seem full (when I ask, would you have room for ice cream and get a "no" they may be excused even if they haven't had more than one bite). I do insist on the one bite though for the one with the GI issues.

Also, when your child has a habit of being "full" at dinner and suddenly is hungry at bedtime (not long after) or wakes up at 2 AM ravenous, it's time to insist they eat something. :)

Shannon,

You sound realistic.

The only argument from me is that are you making "special" meals when they can eat what everyone else can. You made spaghetti and they won't eat in favor of the chicken nuggets that you have to cook special.

I'm not talking allergies, celiac. etc.

I'm actually struggling with this right now. My inclination is to turn every meal into a showdown with the finicky 5-year old. But these days I'm just giving it a "Dinner is over in five minutes, there's no snacking and no dessert, and it's a long time until breakfast."

I was raised with the clean-plate mentality and, to be honest, see this as something of a power struggle. So it's not been easy to just let it go. Odd.

Amy. What happens when that child gets older and you have no control over what they eat? Not being exposed to carbs in moderation to "show" your kid the difference and how it makes their bodies feel etc (discover these things for themselves) will set them up for binges later on in life.

You can't control what they eat when they get old enough to go down the street and buy their own food themselves. Restricting certain foods (I believe) will have disastrous consequences. And I am a low carber.

I am going to plan my family meals around a low carb diet plan, however, I am not going to be entirely restrictive to foods off my diet plan for my kid. She is going to learn the difference and consequences (within reason) of healthy choices vs not healthy choices.

Hopefully this will help her to see how to do this for herself. If I do my job right, she will see eating healthy as the right choice because it makes her feel better (esteemable). And not because mommy said it was bad.

Freebie,

You might be interested in checking out the site www.Fathead-Movie.com

Among other topics about low carb nutrition, Tom Naughton talks about how he approaches healthy eating with his kids. Trying to keep the balance between teaching them to eat healthy without getting so strict that they'll binge on forbidden foods later

Agree mostly with the article; however, when dealing with children the reason parents want them to eat at dinner time and eat "enough" is so that 15 minutes after a picked-at dinner one does not hear, "I'm hungry!" And yes, feed them fat and not noodles and they won't be hungry.

Trust me parents... food is not the battle you need to pick with your kids. Demand they eat something that's not junk, but "clean you plate" can be very very dangerous if used wrong.

Food was used as a control mechanism in our home, not as a source of nutrition or family together time.

I was never a picky eater. My sister, on the other hand, was one of the pickiest eaters I've ever encountered. I remember the year she declared she was "vegetarian". At 8. Except for hot dogs. My mom would bend because she just didn't feel like fighting with her. So, mom would actually make two different meals that usually never got finished because after all that demanding, my sister would take two bites and then be "full". My sister still has a limited palette. To her credit though, she's gotten more adventurous as she's gotten older.

It was dad that gave me food issues though. Even though I wasn't picky, I didn't eat a lot. My dad (when he was home) was all about "clean your plate"... Almost to the point of abusive. Of course, it was about control, and not nutrition. Couple this with the fact that my sister wasn't held to the same disipline standard that I was and you've got the perfect recipe for eating disorders and resentment. (Dad was pretty inconsistent with his disipline all around though so this was par for the course. Example: I was grounded for an entire summer alongside my sister when SHE got caught smoking. He justified this as me "setting the example for my little sister").

At 11, I had the battle of the wills with dad at the dinner table. My sister, was 'full' so he put her leftover food on my plate so it didn't go to waste. I was forced to "clean my plate". He made me sit there all night until I "stopped being so wasteful". Mom came down to get me when dad fell asleep in another one of his drunken stupors. She gave my food to the dog so dad wouldn't know; He was the type that would have checked the trash. We later lied to him and told him that I eventually finished it all. Meals after that were always unpleasant. I gave my lunches away at school and avoided eating all day so that I would be nice and hungry at dinner. I noticed later that Mom tried to give me smaller portions, too. Food became a burden for me, not something I enjoyed.

I realized later that that was the when I developed major resentment and misdirected it toward food. I was overweight in middle school but I starved myself in high school. I ate only to survive. When I eventually became active in cheerleading and theatre it became about looks; I used my "diet" as an excuse to not eat. I had a very unhealthy attitude toward food in my youth. It wasn't until I was in my 20's and learned to cook for myself that I developed a pretty healthy attitude towards food. I still cringe, though, when I hear parents use the "starving children in Africa" line to convince thier kids to eat more.

It sounds like the camp counselors in this scenario are simply encouraging the campers to eat the healthier part of their lunch first, rather than filling up on Oreos and Doritos and tossing their turkey sandwiches and celery sticks. Because, let's be honest, the sugary stuff tastes good, and given the choice, plenty of kids will eat only that. I won't force my (hypothetical) kids to clean their plates but I won't be giving them ho-hos before dinner either.