"I'd Like To Teach The World To Think..."
There was a really dumb illustrated op-ed in the Sunday LA Times that you can tell the author thought was super-clever -- and funny. (What it is is under-funny -- a version of funny that really isn't funny by people who aren't funny but are being funnier than usual.)
Anne Stuhldreher, a "senior program manager at the California Endowment, a statewide philanthropic foundation that aims to end health disparities in California," wrote about Coca-Cola Co.'s "Cap the Tap" program, a marketing plan urging restaurants to push soda and other profit-making drinks instead of water:
"Every time your business fills a cup or glass with tap water, it pours potential profits down the drain. The good news: Cap the Tap -- a program available through your Coca-Cola representative -- changes these dynamics by teaching crew members or wait staff suggestive selling techniques to convert requests for tap water into orders for revenue-generating beverages."Bravo Coke! But I'm puzzled that you've apparently wiped mentions of Cap the Tap from your website since the report surfaced in November. Now is the time to expand the genius of Cap the Tap, not suppress it. To anyone who complains that sodas and junk drinks are the primary source of added sugars in the American diet, I say: "Downer!" Here are some other programs Coca-Cola can start to maximize profits and minimize health.
There were three dopey and uninteresting illustrations in the paper. Here's one:
Again, you can tell somebody thought they were funny and super-clever. One is "Shoot The Fruit," another is "Zap The Yap" (which refers to zapping mom's mouth with a stun gun so her kids can fill up on "high fructose"), and the third is the above "Table The Vegetables."
Yawnies.
No, Coke isn't healthy. Neither is chocolate cake. Neither are French fries. Neither is that whole-grain bun. (And frankly, a lot of fruit is packed with sugar.)
But Coke can be consumed in a healthy way the same way I consume chocolate ice cream -- on special occasions. (I eat low-carb and have either a tiny chocolate bar or a small scoop of gelato once every week and a half or two weeks.)
It takes personal responsibility. Self-regulation. If you don't have it or apply it, it isn't Coke's fault you're putting on weight; it's yours.
It is naive and ridiculous to think marketers would sit back and not pitch their products. And their pitch is right, of course -- a restaurant makes more money by selling drinks that cost something, whether they're pushing Pellegrino or Coke.
But, ooh, did it every feel squishy and good for Anne to pretend that Coke is the demon and not the government-pushed move from sugar to high-fructose corn syrup and the government-advocated high-carb, low-fat diet that actually makes us fat and diabetic.
Oh, and while we're on the subject of Coke, I liked that old Coke commercial song that inspired the headline of this post. Check it out:
I want a Mexican Coke now, in those dingy glass bottles. Ice cold.
I wish I could travel back in time and drink real Coke with cocaine in it (I know they still use coca leaves but not in the same manner).
My friend was telling me coca leaves have gone to shit now that they are being grown by drug lords. They used to be great for chewing and teas.
Ppen at December 16, 2013 11:40 PM
Instead of energy drinks S. Americans Natives used to chew coca leaves btw.
I'd rather do that!
Ppen at December 16, 2013 11:42 PM
I've read that Coke wants to "colonize" Africa. Add diabetes to AIDS, starvation and warfare.
DaveG at December 17, 2013 1:23 AM
XKCD put out an infographic about money. Among other, more serious things, it revealed that Coke's annual budget for advertising was big enough to actually buy everyone on the planet one Coke™ - but not enough for singing lessons.
Radwaste at December 17, 2013 3:50 AM
XKCD put out an infographic about money. -- Radwaste
You mean this one?
Jim P. at December 17, 2013 6:08 AM
It always stuns me that people are surprised that someone that makes a product wants to sell it. However, I don't mind the exposure of marketing campaigns -- the more info, the better. Keep in mind that soft drinks are a huge profit item for most restaurants; margins are typically 500-700%, even with free refills nowdays.
And yeah, like any not-very-good-for-you food product, you have to drink Coke judiciously. (This is coming from someone who regards fountain-poured Coke as the nectar of the gods... I'm sitting here with a 24-oz. one on my desk right now.)
Cousin Dave at December 17, 2013 6:13 AM
The California Endowment does not accept donations according to their website; so where does their money come from to do these kinds of dopey things? Profit made from hospitals or other healthcare organizations? Tax dollars? I hope not.
Charles at December 17, 2013 7:55 AM
I want a Mexican Coke now, in those dingy glass bottles. Ice cold.
Any grocery stores in your area that obviously cater to mexicans PPen? Thats where I get mine, it tastes better with real sugar.
lujlp at December 17, 2013 8:27 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/id_like_to_teac.html#comment-4126227">comment from lujlpI think I have three or four of those left over from when I drank Coke. From 2009, in other words!
Amy Alkon at December 17, 2013 8:50 AM
Actually any beverage that isn't bottled (soda, iced tea, beer, even liquor) generally has a minimum profit margin of 200%.
Just think how much it costs to make sweetened iced tea. Two to three cups of sugar, tea bags, tap water, and some sort of heating process. No wonder restaurants have no problem making a new batch each night.
Jim P. at December 17, 2013 9:37 AM
I am stunned - stunned - that a company which makes money by selling its product would counsel other companies which make money by selling its product how to make more money by selling more of its product.
Grey Ghost at December 17, 2013 9:57 AM
"I am stunned - stunned - that a company which makes money by selling its product would counsel other companies which make money by selling its product how to make more money by selling more of its product." Grey Ghost
Didn't you know G.G.? That makes them EEEEEVVILLL!!!!11!!!
SwissArmyd at December 17, 2013 10:19 AM
I haven't had a soft drink in many years, and not routinely in 30. It's like smoking or other bad habits, once you get away from it... After awhile, you think "Why would I want that sugary fizz in my body? What would it do to my teeth?"
And I haven't seen the commercial since sixth grade, and won't watch the link today. GOD, I hated that thing. America went apeshit for that song, they even released a less-commercial version for radio. It was a nightmare. This was just a year before Watergate happened, and people were already suspicious of everything. There were bestselling books about the irresistible powers of advertising to manipulate the subconscious, and everyone was talking about the importance of non-conformity....
And so then there's all these zombie young fuckers on a hillside. In costumes, not clothes. Each standing one yard from the next, in rows, facing the same direction, motionless from the neck down, singing songs about "perfect" harmony.
It was all very military. At that moment, the horrors in 'Nam were roaring along nicely.
And then, there was that insipid little melody.
That commercial alone should teach you not to drink soda.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at December 17, 2013 11:33 AM
"This was just a year before Watergate happened, and people were already suspicious of everything."
And here, decades later, the situation has not improved as the result of any of that suspicion.
Radwaste at December 17, 2013 11:55 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/id_like_to_teac.html#comment-4126816">comment from Crid [CridComment at Gmail]As David DiSalvo said on my radio show, per the thinking of Charles Duhigg, the thing you can change about a compulsion is the routine. The behavior that you repeat. You might still have the craving and the feeling afterward (the reward) is the same.
Amy Alkon at December 17, 2013 12:20 PM
Coke's annual budget for advertising was big enough to actually buy everyone on the planet one Coke™
That's amazing.
On the positive side, though, Coke has chosen to donate their advertising budget for the Philippines to hurricane relief, which seems like smart advertising in itself (if the money is used wisely). It's better than the singing commercial from the '70s, IMHO.
And let's bring back the cocaine Coca-Cola. Cocaine suppresses the appetite, which will help fight obesity and get America feeling good about itself again. Let's go, team.
Jason S. at December 17, 2013 12:30 PM
And Cousin... Dood... 24 ounces is a LOT of fizz. It's not just your body.
24 ounces of Coke, in a sitting, or even across an afternoon, can't be good for your mood.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at December 17, 2013 12:31 PM
Actually, it would be *typhoon* relief. Hurricanes are typhoons in that part of the world or something. Let's go, team.
Jason S. at December 17, 2013 12:33 PM
"I'd Like To Teach The World To Think..."
I think that is a doomed goal considering the success you've had with some of the people around here. :-p
Jim P. at December 17, 2013 2:33 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/id_like_to_teac.html#comment-4127114">comment from Jim P.Also considering my singing "talent."
Amy Alkon at December 17, 2013 2:39 PM
Or, in the case of the Democratic Party, "tycoon" relief - since they believe the problems of the world are caused by rich people.
Conan the Grammarian at December 17, 2013 2:44 PM
Or, in the case of the Democratic Party, "tycoon" relief - since they believe the problems of the world are caused by rich people.
Yeah, it does seem as if a lot of liberals think that Coke and the Koch brothers have caused all the problems in the world.
Jason S. at December 17, 2013 4:20 PM
Costco sells full sugar Coke. I like Coke--I don't drink much pop, but when I do, that's what I want.
Coke has hired more people over the years than her organization could ever hope to. How many jobs has her office generated?
Coke hired great illustrators, too. Better than that junk that went with the story.
KateC at December 17, 2013 6:02 PM
KateC - not just at Costco, look for any Coke (or other soft drink) that is "kosher for Passover" at regular grocery stores.
Can't use corn syrup for sweetening as corn is considered a grain which could lead to leavening, no matter how remote that possibility might be. So they must use sugar. Regular coke uses corn syrup for most of the year; but around Passover time you might be able to find cane sugar-sweetened Coke and other soft drinks in the stores that otherwise wouldn't carry them.
Charles at December 17, 2013 7:45 PM
But Costco has cases.
KateC at December 17, 2013 8:40 PM
"24 ounces of Coke, in a sitting, or even across an afternoon, can't be good for your mood."
Caffeine -- it's what's for breakfast! Seriously, it doesn't effect me that much; it helps my concentration a bit and there's a slight amount of appetite suppression. I found out a long time ago that stimulants don't effect me very much. And it isn't really 24 ounces of the beverage itself, since it's dispensed into a cup full of ice. Anyway, it's my one vice, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Cousin Dave at December 18, 2013 8:16 AM
Caffeine is the least of it.
For all that a daily serving of 24 ounces of anything would mean to your body, I can't believe there isn't a better treat for you out there somewhere... Something more pleasant as well as less destructive.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at December 18, 2013 12:22 PM
Not a big Coke fan. I pretty much stopped consuming sugared beverages except on extremely rare occasions a few years ago. I have learned a lot about how carbs affect your blood sugar by watching my 88 year old diabetic mother.
Bread raises her blood sugar more quickly and higher than ice cream. I think probably, the fat slows the absorption of the sugar, so I make that my guide.
Ice cream ok once a week or so, sodas, and sandwiches, never. If a salad or meat and vegetables doesn't sound good, chances are you aren't really hungry, you just have a carb craving.
Isab at December 19, 2013 2:40 PM
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