"Male Privilege" -- To Be Denigrated, Dismissed, And Shamed For Being Male
I've blogged recently how women no longer demand equality but special treatment -- to be coddled in the workplace and in academia. In addition, academic feminism has led the march to lie about sex differences (deeming them socially constructed not biologically driven), to shame men for being male, and to deem normal male mating behavior "sexual harassment."
Camille Paglia's opening words from a recent debate, "Resolved: Men Are Obsolete," were published in TIME:
Is it any wonder that so many high-achieving young women, despite all the happy talk about their academic success, find themselves in the early stages of their careers in chronic uncertainty or anxiety about their prospects for an emotionally fulfilled private life? When an educated culture routinely denigrates masculinity and manhood, then women will be perpetually stuck with boys, who have no incentive to mature or to honor their commitments. And without strong men as models to either embrace or (for dissident lesbians) to resist, women will never attain a centered and profound sense of themselves as women.From my long observation, which predates the sexual revolution, this remains a serious problem afflicting Anglo-American society, with its Puritan residue. In France, Italy, Spain, Latin America, and Brazil, in contrast, many ambitious professional women seem to have found a formula for asserting power and authority in the workplace while still projecting sexual allure and even glamor. This is the true feminine mystique, which cannot be taught but flows from an instinctive recognition of sexual differences. In today's punitive atmosphere of sentimental propaganda about gender, the sexual imagination has understandably fled into the alternate world of online pornography, where the rude but exhilarating forces of primitive nature rollick unconstrained by religious or feminist moralism.
...Indeed, men are absolutely indispensable right now, invisible as it is to most feminists, who seem blind to the infrastructure that makes their own work lives possible. It is overwhelmingly men who do the dirty, dangerous work of building roads, pouring concrete, laying bricks, tarring roofs, hanging electric wires, excavating natural gas and sewage lines, cutting and clearing trees, and bulldozing the landscape for housing developments.
So all these feminist women aren't they around gay guys?
I mean this as an honest question. I've hung around the gay scene for a while and uh...seen some crazy displays of male sexuality. The ads, the porn, the obsession for youthful boys, the exchange of money for "services" (old guy, teenage guy is so common), the random anonymous hook ups, the love of visual displays of genitalia.
I've been around lesbians too and NOTHING like that happens. It just doesn't. They don't send each other vag pics for example. It's entirely different scenes.
So don't they notice?
Ppen at December 16, 2013 11:35 PM
Interesting that you and James Taranto arrived at the same place on the same day.
Jeff Guinn at December 17, 2013 12:20 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/male_privilege.html#comment-4125678">comment from PpenExactly, PPen. They ignore how gay guys manifest male sexuality and obvious biological differences between men and women. I wrote before about a woman who took testosterone (for a sex change) and how she used to be on the subway and think about a woman's book, but after testosterone, had a stream of pornographic thoughts about the woman.
Amy Alkon at December 17, 2013 5:18 AM
I saw an illuminating exchange on another forum recently, cocerning men approaching woman and asking for dates. The younger women have a desire that most social occasions should be off-limits for being approached by men; they would pretty much like it to be restricted to bars. E.g., under that standard, Gregg would not have been permitted to approach Amy in the Apple store.
Cousin Dave at December 17, 2013 6:26 AM
@ Cousin Dave. Women tend to have a lot of such rules, but will then ignore them if the right guy asks.
Joe J at December 17, 2013 7:07 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/male_privilege.html#comment-4125986">comment from Cousin Dave. E.g., under that standard, Gregg would not have been permitted to approach Amy in the Apple store.
I approached him. I flirted; he ran with it.
Amy Alkon at December 17, 2013 7:31 AM
Ppen, as a feminist and a dyke I can tell you that we notice.
At work I keep my pornographic thoughts to myself and appreciate it when y coworkers do the same.
I once walked up to the cubicle of a guy who had at least five "beaver" photos displayed on his monitor. I took a step back, knocked, and then approached and asked for assistance. We both knew what had happened (he looked chagrined) and there was nothing strained between us. He didn't make his turn-on my problem.
Not so when a guy - the team lead - put his hand on my waist at the end of my second week of work and he first time I wore a dress at a new job. That put me in a no-win situation. It might have worked if he had finessed it by starting to waltz. Or the lecherous supervisor in a prior internship, the one who wasn't allowed to talk to a particular co-ed and who openly remarked about the size of pregnant women while leering at them. His job was union protected.
My gay male friend told me that a partner at a firm he interned with asked him for a blow job. He declined and was hired anyway and is free to do his job.
Straight men don't seem to take no for an answer so lightly. Beasts of different nature.
Michelle at December 17, 2013 7:36 AM
Amy - nice work re: Gregg.
I'm having weird tech issues - can you delete my multiple posting(s) from the back end? - especially the one where I accidentally attributed my post to PPen.
Michelle at December 17, 2013 7:38 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/male_privilege.html#comment-4126031">comment from MichelleDone, and thank you!
Amy Alkon at December 17, 2013 7:44 AM
'Welcome, and thank you.
My apologies to all for my clumsy thumb typos.
Michelle at December 17, 2013 7:49 AM
C. Paglia's comments are pretty much right on. The Puritan ethic has been dumbed down for mass appeal. Now anything worth doing is worth overdoing - Crime and punishment, commercialization, feminism, etc.
I take issue with the last paragraph of the excerpt - men are needed to build infrastructure. It makes us sound like the dwarves to her Snow White. At least she found a use for us, so props for that.
But still, somehow I feel like I have more to offer.
Canvasback at December 17, 2013 8:23 AM
Michelle,
I agree with you that sex should remain out of the workplace. I had to fire a young (straight) guy recently because he was downloading nothing but porn on the company computer & phone during work hours.
Also I've been the subject of sexual harassment at work.
But I have a theory-I could be entirely wrong here but I think when it comes to hooking up for promotional purposes gay guys will participate more often than females.
I think it has nothing to do with morality and everything to do with how men are wired for sex vs women.
Ppen at December 17, 2013 9:12 AM
I haven't dove the article fully but this stand out:
"Anglo-American society, with its Puritan residue. In France, Italy, Spain, Latin America, and Brazil, in contrast, many ambitious professional women seem to have found a formula for asserting power and authority in the workplace while still projecting sexual allure and even glamor."
That's funny, are any of those countries considered paragons of gender equality? While the nordic countries are constantly putting in laws to force equality, yet their women consistently choose to work part time?
All I can say is that I'm glad I'm old enough to just opt out, but I don't know how to help my son with all this... nor my daughter.
SwissArrmyD at December 17, 2013 10:06 AM
Ppen, I agree with you.
Michelle at December 17, 2013 10:12 AM
"That's funny, are any of those countries considered paragons of gender equality?"
Yeah, that was the one bit that didn't ring true with me. I doubt that men are any more respected in western Europe; in fact, it seems to be worse from what I've read. Unlike Germany, I'm not aware of any place in the U.S. where the govenrment is trying to ban urinals because their existence is somehow unfair to women.
Cousin Dave at December 17, 2013 11:29 AM
Hell, I don't do anything non-work related on the work machine itself anymore. I use a remote connection to home (using NX to my linux server at home) where I run my IRC client for chatting and another copy of Firefox. Anything I do on the web while at work that's not work related (including reading blogs like this one) I do in that FF copy running on my home box.
I basically do the same thing when at home too, just in reverse (NX session to work displayed at home) with no work data landing on my personal machine(s) at all.
They're constantly worried about company Intellectual Property being stolen and I try to push that any connections into work should only be remote display technologies. If they can't copy the data out, it can't be stolen off their home computers. Nor do you have to deal with legal issues if/when lawsuits come up either.
Miguelitosd at December 17, 2013 6:41 PM
Michelle writes: "My gay male friend told me that a partner at a firm he interned with asked him for a blow job. He declined and was hired anyway and is free to do his job.
Straight men don't seem to take no for an answer so lightly. Beasts of different nature."
I don't get what she's saying. Asking for the bj is wildly inappropriate in either case. If a woman were asked the same thing - what makes you think the situation would turn out differently? The main difference I see is that the supervisor and company would definitely have been sued - whereas the gay guy didn't (dare?) do this.
"Not so when a guy - the team lead - put his hand on my waist at the end of my second week of work and he first time I wore a dress at a new job. That put me in a no-win situation."
Inappropriate, sure, but what is wrong with simply reaching down and removing the guy's hand, with absolutely no comment? This would have sent a clear signal that he was out of line. End of story, no need for dramatics.
@SwissArmyD: In Mexico, at least, women are becoming a major force in the professions: doctors, lawyers, etc.. Yet Latin culture means that professional women don't suppress their femininity in private, in order to have careers in public. In the US, too many women seem to think that being professional means becoming a demanding harridan - both at work and at home. In the end, that comes across as lack of self-confidence. A woman has to be sure of herself, her competence *and* her sexuality; only then can she be a professional during the day, and in the evening dress sexily and be feminine. Sadly, we don't see that much in the US...
a_random_guy at December 17, 2013 11:27 PM
Random Guy, I wish I had. I was both caught off guard and in a bad set up (large man, small kitchen). But mostly caught off guard. A bit later in the day and I might have set aside the survival "just get through this" response and removed his hand.
That didn't help me yesterday however he used his body to block my exit from my office, which was filled with other people. When I politely asked him to move, he became belligerent and repeatedly asked me what I was going to do about it. The only things that came to mind were "kick to the groin, elbow to the face." So I moved his arm and brushed past him. And today I need to follow up with this in some way to put him on notice to f#ck off, not touch me, and not put me in the position of having to touch him in order to move through the office.
Where I work, we all need the job. I need the bullying and touching to stop. His poor behavior is now my problem, and the truth is that I could do everything above board and by the book and could still be let go without notice or explanation, if that's simplest for the higher-ups.
Michelle at December 18, 2013 6:42 AM
I take issue with the last paragraph of the excerpt - men are needed to build infrastructure.
I didn't read it that way, more along the line of where are the women doing the dirty jobs and laying pipe?
Wut? I'm talking about real equality.
I R A Darth Aggie at December 18, 2013 8:13 AM
"In the US, too many women seem to think that being professional means becoming a demanding harridan - both at work and at home. In the end, that comes across as lack of self-confidence. "
A lot of professional women in the U.S. imagine that they are strong, but what they are is brittle. They are good at giving orders and bossing people around when everything's going smoothly, but as soon as things start to get stressful, they crack. And yeah, they tend to see their spouses and significant others as employees to be managed, and then they blame them for not wanting to be treated like employees.
Cousin Dave at December 18, 2013 8:20 AM
I just wish feminists had the balls to admit that they are seeking special treatment. That would be an interesting discussion. "Since women are more likely to be afflicted with concern A, B, or C that gets in the way of high achieving jobs, is it sexist to make those concerns a barrier to success"?. Now that would be an honest discussion and could get us somewhere in maybe having a broader conversation about the uselessness of overwork (work hours have little to do with productivity or ability) and costly signaling via easily faked signs of work commitment that force people into mutually destructive arms races.
What kills me most is that feminists still haven't eased up on (via their mate preferences) what they expect from men. And they don't notice that it says nothing about the state of men relative to women if 100% of CEOs are men when nearly 100% of the incarcerated are also men. Why look only at the top and not at the bottom to ascertain the state of men?
Brian at December 18, 2013 8:57 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/12/17/male_privilege.html#comment-4129809">comment from I R A Darth Aggie"laying pipe."
I love that term.
The other meaning.
Amy Alkon at December 18, 2013 9:28 AM
Michelle, laughter is the best way to emasculate a bully like that...
He blocks your way out of the office, just lean against the wall nearby and tell him you can wait. I'd also give the chicas in the office a Christmas Present of a group session at the local Krav Maga Dojo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krav_Maga and casually let everyone know that you are planning on being an instructor in your spare time. Chance are, this guy does this with everyone.
I've taught my daughter from a very early age, that she has a tremendous amount of leverage, if she knows where to grab, and she used it against a boy in school who was trying to grope her...
SwissArmyD at December 18, 2013 10:35 AM
Swiss, good advice.
I have taken KM from a great instructor, and so when the guy asked me what I was going to "do about it," what ran through my mind was "knee kick to the groin, elbow to the face." Which was obviously not the proportionate response to the problem (as my instructor would be the first to note) even though his behavior was beyond the pale.
I started this morning by sending him an email from my work account, saying among other things, "do not touch me," and "I want to have a constructive and productive work relationship."
His apology was gracious, concise, and immediate.
My day continued to get better from there, and I am going to enjoy the next KM class that much more.
By the way - the convos that have unfolded on this blog over the years regarding workplace communications (too much perfume, sexual harassment), sex & gender related faux pas and frustrations, and other issues have helped me refine my thinking and broaden my imagination and compassion beyond my native experiences. On occasion it has also sped up the pace at which I screw up my nerve and do what I need to do. I've been especially aware of your collective influence in my life this year in general, and at this new gig twice in the last month. Thank you.
Michelle at December 18, 2013 2:17 PM
> I love that term.
Robin Williams, circa 1979: "The Incredible Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile!™"
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at December 18, 2013 2:36 PM
Michelle,
Being a dyke, you may not know what type of actions men can take take women react to sexually, as you are likely attracted to women for the same reasons men are attracted to women. That type of dominant behavior is exactly the type of behavior that turns women on. Your boss is hitting on you. That's all. He's not bullying you.
It may look clumsy to you, and is obviously unappreciated, but it absolutely works. Men act like jerks to women because that's exactly the type of man women want to sleep with. Women step on nice guys' balls. Incentives matter. Always. When women ignore nice guys and sleep with the bad boys, men start acting more like bad boys.
And, please, I'm not interested in "I'm not like that". This is like the weak argument that "Men aren't physically stronger than women because you know a really strong woman who is stronger than the really weak buy you know" routine. Who cares what you in particular are like, besides you? The typical woman is.
I get tired of people imputed the absolute worst intentions in others when they see behavior they don't like or understand, especially those eager to play the victim card. Women do this all the time about men. And, yes, dykes are incredibly eager to think the worst about men.
Also, the idea that "sex should remain out of the workplace" is absurd. That's like saying food should stay out of the work place. The most important thing to human beings are food and sex. Work is used to facilitate all three. We are sexual beings all the time.
Life gets better when you accept others as they are, rather than being resentful of others for not being the way you want them to be.
bell at December 18, 2013 4:52 PM
One of the byproducts of female sexual empowerment is that women simultaneously pat themselves on the back for having casual sex, while at the same time, patting themselves on the back for being pickier about their sexual partners then men are.
In the old pre-feminist days, when good girls from good families were virgins on their wedding day, you didn't hear women referring to men as "pigs" and "dogs". Instead, it was assumed that men had strong sex drives, and a wife had to keep her husband satisfied if she didn't want him to stray.
But these days, not only do the feminists view women as being equal to men in every way, they actually go a step further. They believe that women are more highly evolved versions of men. And the fact that most men would be willing to have sex with any halfway decent looking woman who's willing to have sex with them, is looked upon by women as proof of how disgusting men are.
Steve at December 18, 2013 5:19 PM
bell, those are gross generalizations.
Civilization requires a curbing or channeling of impulses with a view toward long term gain.
Kudos to my many coworkers who know how to chew with mouth closed and flirt with finesse.
Michelle at December 18, 2013 8:04 PM
"Your boss is hitting on you. That's all. He's not bullying you." bell
You act like they are mutually exclusive ideas. Physically blocking someone's way is always bullying behavior, and the badboy angle is bullshit too.
Any boss that hits on a subordinate in this way is looking for trouble, not just looking for a lay. Eventually he will cross the wrong woman and she'll put his balls in a vice...
but for M, and all her female comadres, guy is a serious issue, and they have no mgmt backup.
It doesn't matter WHY he is doing this. In the olden days a dock supe was constantly messing with the secretaries, and the rest of us warned him, A LOT. Eventually her boyfriend and his friends busted the guys legs, told him the next time it would be worse.
Being a badboy can get you some things, but failure to pay attention to the situation can get you fired or worse. From any company.
SwissArmyD at December 18, 2013 8:51 PM
"...failure to pay attention to the situation can get you fired or worse. From any company."
Very true, across the board.
Michelle at December 19, 2013 7:31 AM
In the old pre-feminist days, when good girls from good families were virgins on their wedding day, you didn't hear women referring to men as "pigs" and "dogs". Instead, it was assumed that men had strong sex drives, and a wife had to keep her husband satisfied if she didn't want him to stray.
__________________________________
As more than one person has pointed out elsewhere, being a virgin doesn't protect a woman from catching a disease on her wedding night. Miss Manners said this was even known to happen in Victorian times, when virgins would have been far too embarrassed to ask a parent-approved groom "are you clean" - so why wouldn't it happen now, despite women's greater boldness even in conservative communities?
In fact, as Melinda Gates once said, marriage in many Third World countries is the most common way for a woman to get HIV. (No, I don't know what percentage of virgin brides get it from their husbands - or in which countries.)
lenona at December 19, 2013 9:00 AM
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