Samantha Dunn Finds Her Way To The Big Tent
Samantha Dunn is a wonderful writer and a friend I met through our dear late friend Cathy Seipp, who used to talk about how it's the Republicans who have "the big tent."
I'm a Neither -- neither a Democrat nor a Republican (and best described as a fiscally conservative libertarian) -- but I tend to agree with both Cathy's feeling and what Sam writes about here. It's an excerpt from a book chapter she wrote for Anna David's True Tales of Lust and Love
Oh, and, by the way, by this she does not mean that he's simply a guy who colors in the Republican ticket on the ballot:
The man I love personally called Henry Kissinger to tell him about Richard Nixon's funeral arrangements. He ran Orrin Hatch's bid for president and has worked for Rudolph Guiliani and even that poor, dumb bastard Rick Perry. His mother has a framed picture hanging in the house of her arm-in-arm with Robert Dole, autographed with a "Thanks Sharon! Bob." His father is pastor of an Evangelical church, a man who watches a defective television set built with only one channel. Fox News.
She writes about a swanky Republican fundraiser she attended with him:
Jimmy had forgotten matches, so he bummed a light from a woman puffing on her Virginia Slim. The two had worked together on campaigns and fell into easy shop talk, but the woman's eyes narrowed as she began to dish about Schwarzenegger's chief of staff, who evidently leaned too far left to suit her."It's Maria's influence," she hissed. Did I imagine it or had her eyes hardened as she looked at us? "That's what happens when our Republican men hook up with liberal women."
Jimmy immediately became very interested in lighting another cigarette. Meanwhile, I smiled, said nothing, and thought, Lady, if you knew we drove here in my hybrid you'd have me burned at the stake.
Today Jimmy's driving a hybrid, tomorrow he could join a labor union -- all because of this writer chick he's dating. When will it end?
This would not be the last time Jimmy and I would find ourselves in the minefield where love and politics meet. What surprised me was that mostly it was not the intolerant, sanctimonious Republicans but my love-the-world, yoga-practicing, gluten-free progressive best friends who were apoplectic over my new romance. "A Republican? Are you that desperate? Don't you know what they're doing to our country?" (Funny, they were never as worried about the heroin addicts or that one guy who'd seen the inside of Folsom.)
Some friends of mine even disinvited us to a dinner party when they found out what Jimmy did for a living. Too bad. Not only because they made an awesome artichoke risotto, but because they missed talking to him. They missed his encyclopedic knowledge of American history, his fervent love of wilderness and of the American park system, his wry sense of humor, his love of great books, his punk-rockabilly past as a professional musician, his arrest record. They missed joining with me to tell him that he is socially liberal and fiscally just wrong, and they missed the argument over the fiscal part that always gets my blood going.
Mostly they missed knowing a man who is loyal to the people he loves. He is fierce, and smart, and unique, and particular, a man whose sum total is not represented by any politician or confined within the doctrine of political party. He drives me absolutely crazy at times, and there are things we will never, ever agree on, but being with him always makes me reconsider what I do believe, and why I believe it. It makes me look closer at all people and not assume I know everything about them from their (stupid, dumb-ass) bumper stickers. (OK, so I have to work on that part. Maybe.)
I guess I need to mention here that I married him. We eloped. Could you imagine a wedding reception? Just one mention of Ayn Rand and my mother would have broken a chair over somebody's head.
But my point is, I realized that in all those years dating maybe I was the real narcissist, looking for someone exactly like me, who would reflect back to me exactly that which I wanted to see, that which I took to be the indisputable correct way of being. Maybe if we all slept with an enemy, or at least took him to dinner, we'd understand more, maybe even find places of agreement. It happens.
Sam's fave hateful comment posted on Salon:
"A Rebuplican and a redhead; not a soul between them."
Oh, and I've met her husband and he's a super guy.
"He drives me absolutely crazy at times, and there are things we will never, ever agree on, but being with him always makes me reconsider what I do believe, and why I believe it. It makes me look closer at all people and not assume I know everything about them..."
One of the things I love and most value about intimacy. To be fully seen and known and always have new terrain to discover and explore in a way that makes it your shared and private inviolate territory.
Michelle at January 15, 2014 6:50 AM
It's too bad people eschew major party affiliation so much because most of them don't realize what either are really like. It's all stereotypes: Republicans are old and uptight! Democrats are young and open-minded!
I've hung out with both sides. The R's really a fun & relaxed bunch, and they love to party. Nobody goes off on social issues at meetings because they know we don't all agree but we want to stay close.
The Dems are suspicious and not very welcoming, and include a surprising number of grim old puritanical greybeards. And those are just the women.
*rimshot*
carol at January 15, 2014 8:30 AM
Someone once explained it thusly:
Conservatives believe liberals are simply mistaken or misguided while liberals believe conservatives are evil; which is why conservatives can associate and socialize with liberals while liberals cannot associate and socialize with conservatives.
Of course that's a simplistic explanation since it ignores the difference between social and fiscal conservatives, but it still gets to the heart of the matter.
Conan the Grammarian at January 15, 2014 8:58 AM
> conservatives can associate and socialize
> with liberals while liberals cannot
> associate and socialize with conservatives.
Kinda like how Christians and other church-goers would be happy to visit with Amy, but she won't stop by (even after their services) because she's afraid she'd get some on 'er, and it wouldn't wash off.
(I seriously think most lefties understand their thinking is brittle and that their own morality is anything but exemplary; they know that the slightest conversational challenge would expose their lack of principle. These people aren't nice, they're scared.)
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at January 15, 2014 10:04 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/01/15/samantha_dunn_f.html#comment-4201755">comment from Crid [CridComment at Gmail]Kinda like how Christians and other church-goers would be happy to visit with Amy, but she won't stop by (even after their services) because she's afraid she'd get some on 'er, and it wouldn't wash off.
Crid, don't be an ass. I have Christian friends I care about and have written about here -- admiringly, in the case of, for example, Lawyer Tom, whose religious beliefs lead him to fund an organization downtown (with his other wealthy Christian friends) to help the homeless.
Amy Alkon
at January 15, 2014 10:27 AM
I think Crid was using exaggeration to make a point. His point makes some sense, little bit of truth (how much is always up for debate), and I even got a chuckle out of it.
His hammer, which I love is, is when he says "These people aren't nice". He does not use it often, I only recall once when he used it on two guys who tried to speak in code and luckily I have never seen them come back.
Dave B at January 15, 2014 2:41 PM
So next time you get all puffy about religious this-or-that, we'll be wondering if you take it up with your friend Tom....
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at January 15, 2014 3:58 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/01/15/samantha_dunn_f.html#comment-4202220">comment from Crid [CridComment at Gmail]I just spent part of my afternoon doing some volunteer work for the cause of free speech. Anybody I'm friends with is going to be somebody who's for free speech and open debate and probably engages in both. Tom and I have had a number of discussions/debates on religion and the existence of god.
Other friends of mine go to church or temple as well. Don't be too quick to decide who I am because it suits a snide blog comment.
Amy Alkon
at January 15, 2014 4:09 PM
'Who you are'? Dave B sees my point: There's an disinterest in reality testing shared by reflexive lefties and snooty atheists.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at January 15, 2014 4:34 PM
'Who you are'? Dave B sees my point: There's an disinterest in reality testing shared by reflexive lefties and snooty atheists.
Posted by: Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at January 15, 2014 4:34 PM
Huge difference between being in favor of free speech and actually respecting arguments you either don't understand or don't agree with.
It takes a kind of reflective analysis that few leftists or militant atheists are capable of.
Isab at January 15, 2014 6:01 PM
Jim P. at January 15, 2014 7:46 PM
"Just remember there are non-militant atheists out there too."
I just started saying I was a non-believer. I found that non-militant atheists are as rare as non-militant Muslims.
Dave B at January 15, 2014 9:38 PM
I just started saying I was a non-believer. I found that non-militant atheists are as rare as non-militant Muslims.
(sigh) All too true I'm afraid. Atheism is being co-opted by feminists, liberals and anti gun advocates.
I dont Understand why they think melding their cause to atheism will bring in converts to their favored Ideology.
I'm constantly getting into arguments on Facebook with atheists and telling them the fact that they dont believe in god doesnt automatically make them rational or knowledgeable about everything under the sun
lujlp at January 16, 2014 9:38 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/01/15/samantha_dunn_f.html#comment-4203517">comment from lujlpExactly.
I simply don't believe in things there are no evidence for. God, tooth fairy, Santa, that John Travolta can flap his wings and lift off.
Amy Alkon
at January 16, 2014 9:42 AM
Conan the Grammarian at January 16, 2014 10:50 AM
It takes a kind of reflective analysis that few leftists or militant atheists are capable of. -- Isab at January 15, 2014 6:01 PM
Just remember there are non-militant atheists out there too.
Posted by: Jim P. at January 15, 2014 7:46 PM
I don't doubt it Jim. I am not a believer in God per se, but have had enough science education to understand that there are many things beyond human understanding.
Until those things are within the ken of science, if they ever are, a religious/philosophical matrix allows people to understand their world, without the brash and stupid certainty that leftists and militant atheists exhibit.
Wonderful passage Conan. Civilization stands on a lot of polite fictions which don't need to be true, in an absolute sense, in order to serve a very real purpose.
The Japanese seem to understand this much better, in my opinion, than Americans do.
My husband participated in a Shinto ceremony to appease ghosts at a Construction site where they were tearing down a World War II era building. Did he believe this was necessary?
No, but as head engineer he needed to be there to show the Japanese construction workers that he took their concerns seriously.
Isab at January 17, 2014 11:14 AM
Until those things are within the ken of science, if they ever are, a religious/philosophical matrix allows people to understand their world, without the brash and stupid certainty that leftists and militant atheists exhibit.
So then it was "stupid certainty" to assume the earth was not the center of the universe then?
Or that spirits didnt compel the wind?
Or that the evil Eye didnt cause gout?
Or that witches werent responsible for the upper repository infections of the infants that died after being baptized in the middle of winter to save their souls from eternal damnation?
Seems to me with out the stupid certainty of less pious humans we'd all still be living in city states without running water or sewers as opposed to sending craft outside of the solar system
lujlp at January 18, 2014 12:16 PM
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