It's all a learning curve until you learn to make the rules that favor your needs.

Men have allowed women to do this (make the rules fit their needs) because as Harrison Ford said in one of his movies,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ3Ux3hq3JA

In real life, the guys who feel that way get girls like this -- to do stuff like (see above) this to them.

>>Her feed was full of images of her in underwear and bathing suits, in racy and suggestive poses.

...and now you know why

"Local Doormat: 'Why Do People Keep Walking on Me?'"

Please. This guy's problem wasn't that he was too nice, he is an asshole who took a gamble and lost. He knew the likelihood of a lingerie model being into him was low, but the opportunity costs associated with the experierence weren't high enough to put him off. In fact, he knew if he made it hard for her to reach him, it wouldn't work out at all that is why he made the drive. He gambled and he lost and now he wants to be the victim. That's really unattractive, good luck with Tinder now! The moral of this story is if you are going to gamble on a long shot, don't blame the horse when you lose.

The more desirable than you a person is, the less he or she has to try. Everyone subconsciously understands this math, especially hot people.

Chris Rock in the 90s: "You know how much it would cost Tyra Banks to go around the world? About 75 cents."

If you're pursuing someone out of your league, you have to create the illusion of being more desirable than you are, and that means playing hard to get, keeping a cool demeanor, and not tolerating rudeness. This creates intrigue.

When you make it clear you'd do anything for a date, you are broadcasting directly to the other person that he or she can do better.

"Cheap, short, and local" is some of the best first-date advice I've ever heard, because it keeps men from feeling resentful and women from feeling guilty if it doesn't work out.

@sheepmom +2
@InsufficientPoison +1

There's a big difference between a 'guy-who-is-nice' versus a Nice Guy. Robert Glover wrote a book just for this type of chode, "No More Mr Nice Guy!"
I'll admit doing something similar-- drove from Nor Cal to meet an internet date who lived outside Palmdale. I rationalized the trip by telling myself that I was at least going there to look around, and also going outside my comfort zone. Nothing came of it, but I didn't have any regrets, either.

If I ran into a purported lingerie model w/ lots of racy pics in their Tinder profile, I'd question whether she's an escort. And especially if she gave me the run around and had me go to an intermediate location before giving me her actual location - that's a tactic escorts use to check out the client.

FWIW Twitter is the new backpage for escorts, especially in regions like LA and NYC. It's easy for them to pose as a regular dater, but reveal enough that someone looking for an escort can infer what they're up to.

This guy may have stumbled on a working girl and not realized it.

If you're pursuing someone out of your league, you have to create the illusion of being more desirable than you are, and that means playing hard to get, keeping a cool demeanor, and not tolerating rudeness. This creates intrigue.
_____________________________________

And when you're a teen and you'd be glad just to have your existence acknowledged in a positive way by the people around you...

...kids need to learn that yes, it IS worthwhile to make the effort to be well-groomed and well-mannered, at the very least, and that if you're young and thin but still truly homely, your best bet for popularity is to act so cheerfully busy that you don't SEEM to have time to worry about whether you have a date for the weekend or not. The appearance of self-confidence is everything.

lenona, "The appearance of self-confidence is everything."

This is very true and is perhaps the biggest step to being successful. Putting failures behind you because you are confident you can press on and succeed.

If this guy had had that confidence he would have shrugged this off and moved on. Instead his attitude shows he really does not expect to be successful at all.

Pirates rule.

Even a hot lingerie model would not get me to bother driving 2 or 3 hours through big-city traffic to meet her. Perhaps he should be sampling the LOCAL cuisine.

It seems there's a little more going on here, based on the comments to his article and the other copy of this article on his personal blog that they've found, which includes this woman's pictures and personal information.

This isn't just some 'nice guy' who found himself face to face with a rude lingerie model. Rather he deliberately misrepresented his appearance and background, then lashed out at this woman when she reacted negatively to his deception.

This is apparently a pattern for him. He chases models and they reject him because he doesn't have the looks or charisma. Then he accuses them of being shallow.

Found those. All his "athletic" pics hide the reality that he's bald because he's wearing hats and helmets. I'm not saying bald guys can't be hot--because so many are--but that might have been jarring if she was imagining a full head of hair.

lenona, the self-confidence lesson is one I would love to teach my 15-year-old self.

I asked if she wanted to go back to Urth.

"No," she said, "I prefer it out here on Earanus."

From Welby: "I asked her what that was about to which she responded she was an actress and model including some underwear adds, but nothing objectionable. My immediate thought was uhh ohh, RED FLAG, RED FLAG, but I decided, against my better judgment, that it would be wrong to dismiss her just because of her looks."

Yeah, guys. Give lingerie models a chance for once.

I'd give the guy half a break. There's no indication she knew how far he was willing to go--so to speak--to meet her. Perhaps there is geography on Tinder so maybe she did. So her judgment of him as a doormat probably didn't start there.
He didn't know she was going to be late, later and even later. Perhaps she didn't, either, but that's not the way to bet.
So, after you've sunk all that time and aggravation in LA traffic, what's another couple of hours?
The key would be what he would have done should another date have been in the works.
Is it possible that on-line communications give at least one side a false sense of intimacy and that "things" are going just dandy? Yeah, I suppose it is possible. In which case, the drive might seem more reasonable, from his point of view.
A blind date preceded by a phone conversation probably wouldn't have seemed so promising.
Decades ago, in my pre-married life, for an odd reason afaict, I seemed very un-needy. Wasn't my idea. But, in retrospect, it is probably why I have these warm fuzzy memories of various things for which there is no other explanation. Whatever a guy brings to the table is likely to be entirely offset by seeming needy.

Insufficient Poison: The more desirable than you a person is, the less he or she has to try. Everyone subconsciously understands this math, especially hot people.

Well said.

*

Writer: She looked at me and said, "You look nothing like your pictures!," to which I responded "You mean in a good way, I hope."

She just looked down.

I would think that if someone felt the other person looked different -- and better -- than their photos, they'd specifically say that. Simply saying "you look different than your photos" or "you look nothing like your photos" is, the way I see it, most likely negative and, in this specific case, the "she just looked down" confirms that.

""Cheap, short, and local" is some of the best first-date advice I've ever heard, because it keeps men from feeling resentful and women from feeling guilty if it doesn't work out"

"Cheap, short and local" is probably how the LW is best described...

@"If you're pursuing someone out of your league, you have to create the illusion of being more desirable than you are"

He's a fit, 6'1 relatively good-looking guy in excellent athletic shape and who apparently makes decent money as an engineering grad ... what exactly does a man need to do to be considered being in a desirable "league"? No, I suspect the problem is probably that this guy has no game (and probably isn't the right personality fit for what the lady was looking for, I'm guessing); he probably could be dating swimsuit/lingerie models if he had better game; whether it's worth it is another question. I suspect he's probably one of those guys who's had it just-just easy enough with women that he's never quite had to figure out how the real world works or put in much effort.