I'm 39, and married four years to a woman I dated for two. She's the mother of my two stepchildren, 13 and 16. The problem is, I may be in love with a girl from high school, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I've always felt she was the one I was meant to be with. She was popular, and, well, I was not. Still, I can't honestly say that if I'd asked her out, she'd have said no. I wrote her love letters and sent roses on her birthday, which she called to thank me for. Over the years, I haven't stopped thinking about her, and dream about her frequently. At my high school reunion, I heard she's single. She's my Facebook friend, and I wanted to say hi, but she's never on. Yesterday, my dream about her was so emotional that I nearly woke up in tears. I love my wife, but she's more like my best friend. Should I let this affect my marriage? Could I, should I, pursue the woman of my dreams?

You're seriously wondering whether you should let this "affect" your marriage? Right. "Hey, Honey, it's been real, but I heard from this drunk guy at my reunion that my high school crush is single and hot as ever. No, no...I haven't slept with her. Or seen her. Or spoken with her for 20 years. But, I friended her on Facebook, and I just can't keep denying she's my soul mate after learning she 'had a great workout and is headed out for some yummies and cocktails!!!'"

You aren't in love with her; you're in love with being the kind of guy who gets a girl like her. You'll do anything to pretend this could be a reality, like telling yourself you can't honestly say the hot popular girl wouldn't have gone out with you, if only you'd asked. Sure. Just as you can't honestly say your dog won't wake up tomorrow and speak Greek, or that you won't win enough in the lottery this weekend to be able to buy Cuba.

Boohoo, are you not completely fulfilled? I'm reminded of a woman -- the mother of four young children -- who read "Eat, Pray, Love" and informed her husband that she, too, needed to "find herself" (translation: travel to Italy and find herself a hot young Latin lover). Um, wrong. What Married Mommylady needs to find is a better preschool for her 3-year-old. Sorry, but once you have kids, by birth or by marriage, you can't just jump ship because you spotted something glittery in the water.

Of course Crushgirl's more appealing than your wife -- or any real woman. As a creation of your as-of-yet unmatriculated high school imagination, she never gets her period or PMS. She never wants you to turn off the game or stop bugging her for sex or take out the garbage or shut the hell up already.

And, yoohoo, remember those vows you took? I'm guessing they weren't "Do you take this placeholder until the girl you really love Facebooks you back?" This is the life you've chosen, and you can keep clocking out of it or take pride in making it the best you can. Whenever you feel like taking a toke off the high school hottie pipe, go find your wife, brush a little piece of hair from her face, and tell her she's beautiful and how much she means to you. Try that on your crush, and you're effectively confessing, "For 23 years, I've been stalking you in my head." But, hey, with any luck, you can get your divorce decree on the same day as the restraining order.

For two years, I wanted to marry the woman I was dating. She wants to be married but said she'd never have strong enough feelings for me. I guess I assumed she'd never "waste" years with me unless she secretly thought I might be Mr. Right.

If you say to a woman, "I wonder what our kids will look like," it's kind of a bad sign if she says, "Yeah, me too, and if your kids will end up playing with my kids." Unlike all the people who string romantic partners along, this woman did right by you -- giving you the gift of no hope. As for her "wasting" time, maybe she wants to marry but is content for now with the extended-stay one-night stand. When somebody tells you you'll never get what you want, you have a choice: stick around and continue never getting it, or make tracks and seek it somewhere else. Sometimes, leaving can help your partner see a gaping hole in their life (and here's hoping it isn't because you tripped on the power cord to their media center when you stormed out).

My girlfriend snooped through my belongings and e-mail and even searched web forums for my comments. I feel terribly violated. I'm 29, she's 37, and we've been together for two years. I've never given her any reason to distrust me, but because we've only been having sex once a month as of recently, she assumes I'm cheating. Well, both of my parents died six months ago (both were terminally ill), and I couldn't care less about sex. Before they died, I took a six-month leave of absence and moved across the country to care for them, and my girlfriend quit her job and came with me. Since we returned, she's been unable to find a job or rebuild her social life. I get that she's unhappy, but she keeps bringing up her suspicion, and I keep explaining that I'm not cheating; I'm in deep mourning. I just don't know how I can ever trust her again, let alone respect her.

There are telltale signs a partner is cheating: a sudden obsessive attention to appearance, newfound enthusiasm for working late, and dancing little jigs around the house when they think nobody's looking. Then there's all that stuff your girlfriend has on you -- the lethargy, the lack of motivation to wash, and the fact that you've inexplicably come up with a new favorite sexual position: curling up in a ball and weeping uncontrollably.

How terrible for your girlfriend that these inconvenient tragedies have removed the spotlight she expects to have on her and her needs 24/7. Apparently, in her eyes, it's "Yeah, so both your parents died, and after you nursed them through their suffering for six months. I mean, it's nothing really horrible, like if your favorite TV show were canceled or Ben & Jerry's stopped making Chunky Monkey."

She'd be there for you, really she would, if only she wasn't so busy scanning your browser history to see where you've been. Her lack of empathy suggests she never got her act together enough as an individual to be able to be a partner. Sure, she came along with you -- but was it because she loves you, or because she feels like nobody without you? Chances are, she's a 37-year-old woman with a teen-girl orientation toward relationships: "I'm pretty, so guys should like me." (Why go through all that sweaty, ugly business of becoming somebody when you can just become somebody's girlfriend?)

It's easy to come off as loving when life is all hot sex and free beer and bar snacks. Actual loving is something you do. It's putting your own needs on pause and spending six months scooping the grieving boyfriend off the kitchen floor. Yeah, we all have insecurities and are capable of reading volumes into something that means nothing. You resolve this sort of thing by asking your partner what the deal is. And then, if he has no history of cheating and both of his parents just died, you probably manage to believe him.

Ironically, your girlfriend went all Nancy Drew on you, but you ended up making the disturbing discovery -- that you're with a woman who doesn't get you, doesn't appreciate you, and probably never loved you like you thought she did. You're a good guy, the kind women all tell their friends they're looking for. It shouldn't be hard to find a girlfriend who'd express genuine concern for your well-being at a time like this -- beyond "Hey, how much longer is my booty machine gonna be broken?"

What's with women lately? I try to make friendly conversation at the bar and they instantly go crabby and negative -- spewing unimaginative canned lines like "The only guys I meet around here are cops or government workers." (Meanwhile, we're sitting in a giant sports bar between a government building and a police station).

Women have different motives for going to bars. Some go to drown their sorrows and some go to find a nice guy to drown in the toilet in the ladies room. But, a woman who snarls "The only guys I meet..." is probably trying to tell you something: "In case you don't like me, I don't like you first." Or, it's an excuse for why she's single. Or, she's playing hard-to-get (and coming off hard-to-want). If you like a clever woman, that's what you should have. Still, you might give a woman a free pass to say a couple stupid, unfunny, off-putting things, as nervous people often do. Talk to her a little, and find out whether she's just flustered, or stupid, unfunny, and off-putting. Try not to take bad attitude personally or respond with a low blow: "Oh, sorry -- is that a chip on your shoulder, or did I doze off while the bar was hit by an asteroid?"

Several years ago, this co-worker I was interested in was always stopping by my desk to talk, so I gave her some turtle earrings (they related to a story she once told me). I guess I was trying to tell her I was interested, but she was leaving for two months, so it didn't make sense to ask how she felt about me. A year later, if only to find out what her intentions were, I finally asked her out. She said, "We'll see." A month later, I asked her out again. She said she'd consider it. Thinking I'd upset her, I gave her two more pairs of earrings, also along the nature theme. I waited a week, and asked for her thoughts on going out with me, and she said, "It would be weird." Now, she not only shuns me, I'm the target of other co-workers' veiled criticism.

Are you a man or a magazine? Because you sell yourself like you're 52 issues of Time: "Get this cheesy touch-screen organizer, with only five functions you already don't use on your cell...FREE with your paid subscription!" Or, rather, "Date me! There's more cheap, wildlife-themed jewelry where this came from!"

There's a reason you didn't scamper off to the mall to score dolphin bookends for fat old Gladys in accounting -- even if she did once remark on the joy she felt watching Flipper frolic among the sperm whales. Let's be honest: Your offerings to your other co-worker didn't come from the goodness of your heart but the lack of brass ones in your pants. And what did you think would happen, she'd be so blown away by the gift of ear tortoises that she'd agree to have a drink with you, and never mind that tiresome preliminary step of asking her out?

Women are attracted to generous men, but you show generosity by, say, springing for doughnuts for your co-workers after the doughnut budget gets cut. You can give a lone female co-worker the occasional gift -- as long as it's in the realm of "Hey, I was at Starbucks. Know you've had a hard week, so I thought I'd bring you a latte." Whatever you do, don't give the gift that tells a woman "I've been logging your every word for the past two years and went to the mall and shopped based on the transcripts." This is creep street, gift-wrapped: a boyfriend present from some co-worker she speaks to in passing. Sure, this sends the message you're thinking about her, but probably thoughts along the lines of "I touched this, and you're going to put it on your ear, and then I'll be touching you."

If a hunter approached eating the way you approach dating, he'd sit in his truck sipping hot chocolate, sighing, "I really wish a deer would shoot himself in the head, wrap himself in a tarp, and use his remaining energy to bind himself to my bumper." No, rejection isn't fun, but it costs less than doing everything you can to avoid it. A speedy rejection is the least costly of all. As soon as you know you're interested in a woman, you ask her out. You'll have to steel yourself for about 10 seconds of feeling like poo under her shoe, should she turn you down. But, even if she does, if you haven't been festering over her for years, it should be easier to act like you're cool with it. As a gutsy guy who tried but struck out, you might even garner admiration from your co-workers for your approach -- saying it with manhood instead of baby forest animals with hypoallergenic posts.

I call myself a eunuch because I embrace sexual celibacy. I actually have no desire to for sex. I've always wanted to tell people this, but I don't know how. I would like to find an understanding woman for a romantic relationship without the sex.

Your sex drive is not only in park, it's up on blocks in the front yard. But, you seem to be okay with that, and that's pretty cool. You should still see a doctor who specializes in sexual medicine to make sure your lack of desire isn't a symptom of something, perhaps low testosterone, which is associated with a number of serious medical problems. People who have no desire for sex typically refer to themselves as asexual. You don't connect with them by marching up to random women on the street and announcing that your favorite thing to do in bed is play dead. You go on special-interest dating websites like asexualitic.com, where you'll find loads of prospective partners; maybe even some who'll be willing to get kinky with you in bed: "Whaddya say? Shall we read for a few minutes before we turn off the lights?"

My 31-year-old boyfriend has the best clothes, cars, electronics, takes me to the nicest restaurants...you get the picture. He told me he was "an investor," working for himself, making online investments. I eventually asked how he could afford his lifestyle in this economy. He said he "comes from money," and has a trust fund. To me, the fact that his father's a doctor only confirmed there was family money. After six months, he took me to meet his parents. I assumed we'd pull up to a mansion, but it was an apartment complex reminiscent of college housing! I'm not materialistic. I'm from a blue-collar family and have worked since I was 15 (I'm 27). But after a year together, I'm wondering whether he's a liar with tons of debt. Asking questions is hard because I don't want him to think it's the money I care about. I love him and believe he may be "the one," but may rethink that if he's carrying a million in debt.

If you don't get to the bottom of this, little things you take for granted -- like being able to afford the bologna portion of your bologna sandwich -- could become a really big deal. Suddenly, "grabbing something at the store" means running out fast enough to elude the fat security guard.

You're way overdue for figuring out whether this man and his means are living apart -- probably because you're kinda jazzed by all the things money can buy, and feel guilty because of it. Sure, if this guy is on the level, just by being with him, you could eat daily at a fine restaurant, and not because management is nice enough to feed you before your shift. Keep in mind, you weren't looking down the bar with tiny binoculars to see which guy whipped out a platinum card. You're a hardworking girl who fell for an "investor" with no apparent means of support -- unless you count his daddy, supposedly a doctor with piles of money who's living like he just completed his residency to be a lawn doctor.

Your boyfriend may have a trust fund of sorts ("Trust me, Pops, this is the last time you'll have to bail me out"). Even if he has a permanent pipeline to serious family money, can you really respect a 31-year-old man who's still living off Mommy and Daddy? After all, it's not like he's doing it to bring clean water to poor villagers in Africa. I'd guess that he's day-trading, a profession that works for many like that old joke about how to make a small fortune in aviation (start with a big one). Unfortunately, it's human nature to keep believing that your big score is just around the corner -- the corner you hurry your girlfriend by when you're trying to pass off the repo man as a valet with a tow truck.

Appearances can be deceiving -- especially to girls too needy for love and fearful of disapproval to say "Yoohoo, what's that red flag over there?" Early on, you get information by giving it: talking about how you grew up and how you see money, and drawing his background and values out of him. You look for incongruities (especially outrageous ones) and ask about them until you get satisfactory answers. That's what you need to do now -- after laying out your feelings for him and your fears. If he explodes or just stonewalls, the truth is probably what you suspect: A fool and his lines of credit are soon parted, and sure, you'll be able to take your kids to the dentist -- as soon as you find a buyer for your left kidney.

You gave bad advice, telling that poor girl to return her engagement ring to the fiance who broke up with her. The ring was his mother's. Well, this girl's the dumpee, so that ring is now hers. My advice? Sell it to finance a fabulous vacation with her girlfriends.

If you're from a country where your daddy won't get the same number of goats if you've done the impure act, then sure, when a groom-to-be hightails it, some bling should change hands. But here, the whole ring thing is weird to me. If men and women are equals, how come the guy has to give the girl an engagement ring but nobody expects her to buy him engagement golf clubs or an engagement boat? Even weirder is the impulse to hang on to the ring after the engagement is kaput. It's a failed relationship, not a failed revenge plot. Acting vindictively says you weren't so much in love as you were desperate to be loved. You are what you do, and there's a high road to take here, and it doesn't lead to Benny's Pawn Shop.

UPDATE: The original question and my answer are here.